Author Topic: Loss of little brother and father  (Read 4473 times)

lexirae

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Loss of little brother and father
« on: October 30, 2007, 01:50:06 PM »
On April 18th, 2007 I got a phone call that changed my life. My mother called to tell me that my little brother and father were killed. My brother and father were amazing people. My brother just turned 16 in January. He was just beginning his life. It happened so fast and so sudden. They both were registered pilots and my father has flown millions of miles. But the weather turned bad sudden and they didn't know what happened. They left early in the morning and by midevening their plane was missing. When the search party finally found the plane they found my brother and dad near it. It was the bad weather that caused them not to see the mountain and crashed into the side. I was 18 living in NYC while my family was in California. I was scared and alone. I still have a 13 year old sister and my mother. I had to be strong for them. I haven't cried. I haven't even acted like it has affected me. But now after 6 months I feel like I can't be strong anymore. It's hard for me even to get dressed in the morning. I feel so guilty that my perfect 16 year old, genius, 4.0, graduating high school a year early, going to make a difference in the world, little brother is gone. I feel so guilty for being alive while he's not. My mom is heart broken. My sister acts like everything is fine. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't be strong anymore...Will it ever get any easier?
Taking it day by day...

Lonnie

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Re: Loss of little brother and father
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2007, 01:49:31 PM »
lexirae: I am so very sorry that you have lost your precious brother and father. Another one of the ladies on our site (Kelly) has also lost both her brother and her father. Please know that you need to grieve. You can't hold it all in because it will keep trying to come out, and will affect you in other ways as well. You may become depressed, physically ill, have panic attacks, etc. I know you feel like you have to be strong, but you have suffered a devastating loss of 2 people you love most in the world. Plus you are having to deal with the grief of your mom and sister also. The people on this board are wonderful, and I wanted to invite you also to talk on the Main Board. Sometimes there are more people there if you can't find anyone here. Some of the others will be along in awhile I am sure, to answer you also. Please know that we care and will be here to listen. Lonnie

Robyn

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Re: Loss of little brother and father
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2007, 01:57:59 PM »
lexirae,
I am very sorry about the loss of your brother and father.  I lost my father and sister within 7 months of each other.  It has been seven months since we lost my sister.  For a long time I could not grieve because I was too busy being strong for my mom, kids and brother-in-law.  Let your grief out because it is going to come anyways.   I am learning (slowly) to take care of me first because if I have a nervous breakdown from holding my own grief in who will look after all the people that I love?  What happened to you is sad, really,really sad...you need to acknowledge that and let yourself cry, scream, wallow, what-ever you need.  This site has been so great for me, I am sure you will get so much support from everyone on here.
Take care,
Robyn

kelly37

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Re: Loss of little brother and father
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2007, 05:51:44 PM »
Lexirae,
I am so sorry to hear about your dad & brother. I have lost my dad & brother too; both in motorcycle accidents 5 years apart.  My brother was killed in 2001.  He was 37 at the time of his death; I was 30.  He was my big brother.  His wife was expecting a baby (the boy he always wanted) and he left behind 2 daughters.  He was buried on the 4th of July that summer. Our family chain was broken.

Almost 5 years to the date, my parents were in a motorcycle accident.  They were both life flighted to a trauma center & my dad died 18 days later.  It was a horrible experience.  I never thought I'd loose my dad; he was so strong & he was my hero.  How unfair!  How angry I felt when doctors called us to say "he's gone"!  I instantly went numb to protect myself.  Here it is a year later & I'm just now thawing & reality is setting in.  My dad's not going to call me anymore, he's not going to walk through my doors, he's not going to e-mail me or come to my kids' sports!!!!

Grief works in mysterious ways.  I know that nothing I say can take away your pain but just let it help you to know that I'm here.  You're still very fresh in the grieving process.  Let yourself grieve. Cry when you want to; you don't have to be strong.  Tears are meant for us when we hurt!  I didn't really cry for my dad in ICU when they told me we lost him....I cried from the funeral on!  I still cry. 

Some days are easy, some are really hard.  Waves come & go.  There will be happy days when you can remember good things & there will be sad days when you wish they were here & you can't imagine getting through another day w/o them.  But you know what?  Somehow we manage to go on.  I can't believe my dad has been gone 1 year & my brother now 6 years!  I just ask "why & how?" everyday & I can choose to burden myself w/that question everyday or I can choose to move forward & know that I'm going to live how my dad & brother would want me to live for them & to carry on their love/memories for the rest of the family.

I found this site 1 year after my dad's death & I has been a blessing for me.  Sometimes even the closest of friends don't understand our pain & loss----the friends I've met here are wonderful.  Everyone understands....you can cry here....scream....complain....feel pity....talk.....share   It doesn't matter--we all encourage, inspire, & support each other.  Your dad & brother are together right now; sometimes that thought gets me through another day! 

I am so sorry for your pain.  I know it all too well.  I am here for you if you need to talk.  You can e-mail me if you'd like.  Please visit us often here.  It's sad that this site brings us together for one reason---loosing a loved one--- but I'm glad I was brought to it!  After I found this site & shared my story, everyone was so welcoming that I recommended it to my mom.  Now she is on here as well.  I know the pain she felt of loosing not only her only son but then the love of her life!  I can't speak for her but I think it has helped her knowing she's not alone in this process.  Maybe you'll want to recommend it to your mom also when/if she's ready. 

Feel my hug!  I will be thinking of you in my prayers tonight! 
Kelly
Dad & Keith,
Memories of you......I miss you both!
"Look Twice Save a Life"

Lonnie

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Re: Loss of little brother and father
« Reply #4 on: November 01, 2007, 08:14:51 AM »
Thank you Kelly and Robyn for beautiful, understanding messages. I love you dearly!
Lexirae: Please stop by whenever you can. It is so important to express what you are feeling. It will help you be able to function again. Grief is a journey-a step by step process, and you can't push it down or ignore it. I hope your little sister won't either. My heart breaks for your mom as well. You are so young, and you have suffered terrible losses. Please know we are here for you any time you need us to listen. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, Lonnie