Candace,
Rest assured, many people find lots of sleep to be necessary after a loss such as yours. The process of watching a loved one make a transition out of this world-- or form of life or whatever you want to call it-- is EXHAUSTING. Its exhausting emotionally, that's the easy one, because you're feelings this intense emotions, ok that makes sense. But it is also so PHYSICALLY exhausting that oftentimes, sleep is the only thing you do. The brain feeling sorrow has a physical effect that I found was SO MUCH MORE than i'd ever expected. You're nerves are shot and take days or sometimes weeks to begin to (physically) settle down. Your muscles are exhausted from remaining tense for days, weeks, months. In a way, you're experiencing the way someone might feel the day after running a marathon. Everything is tired. You need rest. You need rest for your mind to reboot. For your body to catch up with you after what i'm sure was weeks of putting family needs ahead of your own health needs. It's impossible to fully function right away after a loss. It doesn't matter how far ahead you knew it was coming. Doesn't matter how much "preparation" you were able to do, or think you were able to do. You were locked into a position that wouldn't change unfortunately until you could move to the next thing.
My dad passed away in may of 06. I had come back back to help my mother take care of him for the last 2 years of his life. Since then, I've tried to equate, quantify, add logic to, explain, analyze, look for the quick fix, and anything else you can think of to sidestep the effect of grief. Here's what i got so far:
Until your ready, grief is stronger than you are. It's not an enemy, its not the bad guy, even though it feels like it. It's more like a guide, taking you through the dark woods of loss during the storm, helping you get to the next place safely, effectively.
You have to let it do its thing.
If it's thing is make you sleep. Then sleep.
If your sleep doesn't stop you from doing those things you need to do, then don't think twice about it.
You said you're starting to feel normal. Sounds like its working.
You quit your job, does this effect your living situation? If not, then sleep when you need to. As long as when you wake up, you can do something, or feel something other than horrifying loss (even if just for second), then sleep as much as you need to and sometime soon, you won't need to as much (sounds like you're already there).
If you can't function, can't feel anything else, and\or is it effecting your living situation (can't put food on the table, etc.) then too much sleep can be a sign of a bigger deal. Reach out for help, to your family, friends, doctor, whatever. Let someone know.
That's it i guess. Sorry so long. I found this site looking for counsel of my own and starting writing. This is what came out.
Its been a year and a half since losing my dad and today I just went through a realization that i'm not as far along through the grief process as i thought (as i'd hoped, as i'd wanted). The grief is still very much there. I feel like i should have known better than to expect i was past that part. nope. One of the current manifestations of the grief is, you guessed it, i sleep a lot sometimes. I have to let it do its thing.
Topic: Do you want to sleep a lot of a parent's death? (Read 19656 times)
