I agree with Lonnie, and Middle Sis, Your first step, to dealing with your grief is Honesty. You, I am quite sure are aware of this fact. Even though you have a family history of not being able to open up to expose hidden truths, about yourself or your family, you must step out of this pattern to save yourself. I come from a family who put the letters in
D,Y,S F,U,N,C,T.I.O,N,A,L
which included,abandonment, incest, physical and mental abuse, foster care which also included the previous 2, being told on a daily basis that you were not worth anything, your real mother and father never loved you, you're never grow up to be anything but a whore, you're stupid, separated from your sisters and brothers, through the welfare system, molested by 2 of your so called foster fathers, as well as your mother's brother, and waiting till you had the courage at the ripe old age of 45 to finally tell your mother what her brother did to you, but you could only do it over the telephone, and all she could say was..oh and pick up her conversation like you had never spoken a word?...
losing my father , sister, and just over a month ago a brother. and If I can survive the maddness of that hell, you can get through your greving. Just take it a day at a time and pray to the man up above, or your higher power, and say.....give me the strenght to grieve for my brother, without the help of alcohol, , you are suppose to feel pain because it does hurt when we lose a loved one...it will get easier.it will take time. Try to think of the happier memories of your brother, cling to them... he has really never died he will live on forever in your heart, it's the suttle things years from now that will remind you of him, and you will smile and he will smile, with you as he is now, you just don't know it yet. Your friend when you need an ear ......Sweetpea