Author Topic: The loss of my Brother  (Read 12069 times)

HurtinginPa

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The loss of my Brother
« on: September 09, 2007, 06:10:29 PM »
Hi, I am knew to the forums and am looking for friends to talk to whom have stood or is standing in my shoes. My brother and i was very close and on Aug 10th 2007 he was killed in a motorcycle accident. the accident was very bad and did alot trauma to his head and chest.we had to have reconstruck done to have an open casket which was the hardest thing i had to do in my life.it was so unfair to loss him like that . i was so thankful he did instantly and didn't lay there in any pain.a passer-by found him mins after the accident happened and my other 2 brothers got to meet this wonderful women at his crash site. he left behind a beautiful lil girl who will be nine in a few days. I never want to get out of bed and when i go out i feel so horrible to be doing something fun and he isn't. i just had a beautiful lil girl 8 months ago and she just loved her uncle and her face just lite up when she saw him. and know to think she'll never have to pleasure to meet someone as special as him. trying to be strong for my parents and my kids,but i am so lost, angry,scared myself...
« Last Edit: September 10, 2007, 04:44:55 AM by HurtinginPa »

middle sis

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #1 on: September 09, 2007, 08:03:22 PM »
HurtinginPa,
We have all been in your shoes,  maybe not the same style, but the same none the less. I am sorry for your sudden and recent loss. My heart goes out to you.  Be gentle with yourself, this is all so new to you, it takes time to figure out how to go on. It's been almost 9 years since I lost my only brother and sister to a car accident. My brother too left behind a son, he was 11 months old. All he knows is memories. Just as your niece and daughter will have. Make sure they learn who thier dad/uncle was. Cherish all the wonderful times you had. I wish I had magical words to make you feel better, but I know that is just not possible. I hope that letting you know that we are all here for you helps in some small way. Keeping you in my thoughts and praying for some bit of peace for you tonight
Take Care
Middle sis

Lonnie

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #2 on: September 10, 2007, 05:01:48 AM »
Praying for you also, and hoping that this will be the place of healing that it has been to so many of us. Come back often when you need to talk. Love, Lonnie

HurtinginPa

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #3 on: September 10, 2007, 05:32:16 AM »
Thank you for your kind words. it makes it even harder as my brother only had one child and his ex would let us see her. thats is the only thing we have left and she is being so mean and nasty treating her like crap always yelling at her. and all my neice says  to her is your lucky my daddy isn't here. our state laws here wouldn't do anything for aunts so i am hoping once my mom is able to she will seek out grand parents rights. why would anyone be so mean like this. we even asked for some photos of him and she won't give us anything she has of his.

kelly37

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #4 on: September 10, 2007, 07:17:38 AM »
Hi,
I posted to you earlier about my loosing my dad & brother BOTH in motorcycle accidents 5 years apart!  My brother & I were very close; he ws 7 years older than me & we have a sister who is 1 yr younger than my brother so 6 years older than me!  My sister & I weren't as close as me & my brother.  He was my BIG Brother, my protector.  No one messed with Keith's little sis!  I felt safe.  He was a tough guy, people either loved him or hated him, there was no in between!  He was my idol growing up. 

He also left behind 2 daughters who were 8 and 12 at the time of his death.  His son who was born just 3 weeks after he died & he's 6 now!  We have a very good relationship with his wife.  She has not remarried & keeps us in tune with the kids' activities so we can attend their functions.  If it weren't for that, we would have no connection to him!  It's so sad to take his son & my young kids to the cemetaries to visit their a Father, a Uncle & a Grandpa!

When my dad was killed last year due to a motorcycle accident, all the feelings of this came back again.  Our first family get together we all just sat there.  Where's my dad I thought? Where's my brother? It's too quiet here!  Life works in strange ways.  I have got to give up on trying to figure out WHY and how did this happen to us 2 times???

We have to forget the unanswerable questions for now!  You are still very fresh in the grief stage with it only being a month!  I can tell you the pain does lessen over time but it will never go away.  Remember the fun memories & come here often to vent & read other stories.  Some days when I'm at my worst, I will come here & yes I do find something funny occasionally that will hide my sadness just for the time.....but it's better than never!

Take care
Kelly
Dad & Keith,
Memories of you......I miss you both!
"Look Twice Save a Life"

sweetpea

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2007, 10:38:51 PM »
Dear HurtinginPa,

We Are all here for you, anytime you need someone just to listen, talk to, whatever. This is the healing place!!!!! I am a newbie,  I lost my brother a little over a month ago, and this place helped me so much. It was my soft place to fall. So anytime you need to talk we are here. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and please remember this!!

"That life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breaths away"

HurtinginPa

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #6 on: September 11, 2007, 05:48:49 AM »
I am so glad i found this forum. it seems i wake up to a reality check everyday.and every Thursday i relive it over and over. I find myself doing something and laughing then going to call him to tell him about something my new lil girl did. I try to figure out what really happened, or was he in pain. i know we was told he didn't but who ever really knows.I at times feel like i could have been a better sister and look at all the times i yelled at him or didn't say i love you.An I swear everytime it rains i cry and feel the pain all over again.guess today is just not a good day for me.


xox
Holly

jazzgirl

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #7 on: September 11, 2007, 01:13:52 PM »
Hi HurtinginPA,
I am sorry to hear about your loss.  My heart goes out to you. Dealing with the aftermath with the children is something I am very familiar with as well. We are in a similar situation, except he had 2 boys from 2 marriages.

I lost my brother Jan. 1 of 2006 to suicide. He was married to his 2nd wife for 2 years and she was so mean to him. He had a child from her as well as the 1st wife also. They both treated my brother like crap also and the 1st wife has made it impossible for us to see his son, who is 10 now. The laws here in Fla. do not support grandparents or Aunts either. The husband of the 1st wife laughed at me when I was putting up a fight about seeing my brothers son because in his eyes, I was "just" the Aunt and I lived 2 1/2 hours away. If I wanted to see him, I had to go thru my parents. Now they have made it impossible for them to see him also.  It has been a constant battle and has worn us down emotionally. I just don't understand how people can be so cruel like that. It just makes me sick. I just pray one day that she gets what is coming to her.

I am sorry to hear you are going thru this too. Just know I am here for you if you need anything. This site has helped me tremendously thru all of this.

Thinking of you, Jazzgirl

emmerann

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #8 on: September 25, 2007, 10:30:05 PM »
My brother was also killed in a motercycle accident. He also had major chest trama. I really don't know how the wreck happened but there was alcohol involved. It has been a little over a year now and it still feels unreal. I am 21 and i live a long way from all my family. I now have a severe case of home sickness and all i want is to just be with my mom. But i work everyday to just be happy and still live my life one day at a time. Just keep your head up and let yourself greive.
emmerann

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2008, 11:11:10 AM »
I can totally relate to were you are coming from.  I just lost my brother 11 months ago, well to tell you the truth it will be a year this Saturday.  I was very close to my brother also.  He was my world.  I miss him a lot.  My brother died because something was wrong with his heart.  We did not know anything was wrong, until one night he died in the back sit of my boyfriends car coming home from a sporting event.  My parents were in Hawii when it all happened.  I tried giving him CPR and saving him, but was unable to.  It is still hard for me each and everyday.  I joined a grief share group at a church near my house.  That helped alot.  To understand the whole religious point of view.  I try my hardest to keep myself busy.  I have a wonderful job as a teacher and have students that make me smile. 
 I just take things day by day.  I hope he is happy and does not miss us as much as we miss him.  It is a very difficult thing to go through and I know how you feel.  The whole in your heart is like a missing link, which I am not sure will ever heal.  Just keep him in your heart, that is what I do and I tell my brother how much I love him, each and every day.  I will keep you in my prayers.

reyssis

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #10 on: January 27, 2008, 12:52:42 AM »
I just found this website and I'm new.  I lost my baby brother from a motorcycle accident, too.  It was on December 9th.  I'm having a hard time putting my thoughts together right now but I wanted to say that I'm glad I found this site because there are so many people that knows exactly how I'm feeling.  There were 4of us, now there are 3 and it no longer feels the same.  I feel a big piece of my heart had been cut out.  A big piece of our family is missing.  My 3 brothers are very close.  I'm their only sister and of course they take great care of me.  I love them all.  We were all we had for a while.  I'm worried about my two brothers and my mother.  My big brother seems to be really taking it hard.  My other younger brother seems to be pushing the feelings away but I'm still worried.  I just hope he'll be ok when he does deal with it.  My mom's religion seems to be helping her deal with it, but she lashes out at people/family once in a while and I think that's her way of dealing with it.  I'll come back next time with hopefully more info.

missmybro78

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #11 on: March 14, 2008, 10:13:07 AM »
I'm so sorry for your loss. You came to the righ place to talk about your feelings. I have been looking for a sibling loss support forum for sometime and feel grateful to have found it today.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as youcontinue to heal during this difficult time.

God Bless,

~Alina

luke

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #12 on: March 30, 2008, 03:30:58 PM »
Hello! I lost my brother almost 15 years ago in a car wreck! It was one of the most devastating moments in my life. But with the with lots of prayer from family and friends I have been able to make it. It would like you to check out this information found here newbielink:http://www.watchtower.org/e/20050815/article_02.htm [nonactive] I think you will found it most helpful at this time.

Ricks Sister

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Re: The loss of my Brother
« Reply #13 on: April 05, 2008, 07:01:24 AM »
I am so sorry for your loss. I know there is not much people can say to someone who is grieving. I too, have been in your shoes. I think the only reassurance people can give is to say, "I'm here for you." My brother was also killed in a tragic automobile accident in which he sustained severe bodily injury.  We did not have an open casket. His wishes were to be creamated. However, the funeral home told us that they would do some reconstructing if we REALLY wanted an open casket.

I'd like to tell you it get's easier, but I can't. My brother died in 1998.  It doesn't feel easier. I think I've learned to hide my feelings pretty good. The grieving process has been VERY SLOW for me. Experts say there are "stages." But, everyone goes through those stages at different times. I think I am finally passing through the stages after all these years.

I would be glad to listen to you anytime! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sincerely,

Lisa-Ricks Sister