Time Moves

[Rebecca]

I read every day but typing is still a problem.  I've been going to work and PT which is more painful than I can explain, physically. The other day we were with Jason at the cemetary with two of his friends, one from CA the other Chi.  I said:  it is unbelievable, how fast l.5 goes by and one of his friends said: REbecca, its 2.5 years.  I started to cry.  It is easier to wear the mask during the day but more difficult when I get home.  I bet some of the pain has to do with my physical pain and missing him so much.  He would have been here for me.  Another event, it was Fri before Labor Day weekend.  Everyone says:  Have a great weekend, any big plans.  No. then they go into their big plans with their family.  We are here in IN, just the two of us.  No family, yes friends, but no family.  It hurts so when I see things around me.  One woman told me her plans for the future:  Build her house on 10 acres of land, have horses, drop one son off at school, take the other to the bus, etc. etc. etc.  and I thought... I hope it all comes true. For the rest of us, a split second changed our hopes, plans and dreams into memories.  Yes, there are times I am bitter when I see plans for others materializing and nothing for us.  I truly believe I am becoming more isolated.  We go out as a couple but don't try too hard to do it.  Today is another bad day.   I think of all of you.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

[Katie--Adam's Mom]

((((Rebecca))))

I am so sorry that this is such a rough time for you.  Know that you and Jason are in my thoughts.  It seems that when we are not feeling well physically, our emotions are magnified.  It is hard to hear about others' plans and dreams when our lives are so different now.

Love and hugs,
Katie

[Debh]

Rebecca time does move but for us it fast, slow, clockwise, counter clockwise, up, down, and all around. Not always easy but I will say much easier than those first years your going through now.


I have been sick for weeks now, don't type much but read occassionally or when I can, just a down time for this time of year and being sick sure makes it harder but feeling better today with health but hurts like hell missing Chad on his birthday. time can make things easier but time can also make things harder just keeps ticking away and I find comfort I am here with my family yet time passes and it means I am closer to being with my boys.

I just wanted to pop in and tell you I am thinking of you and Jason, even though I am not writing much I keep everyone in my thoughts, many good memories of our children that have been shared, and many broken hearts and so many with health problems, I hope good health and peace for us all.

take care of you and hoping for brigher and better tomorrows,
love Deb

[Jeanneb]

((((REBECCA))))

It does seem like those around us are moving on and we seem to be just stuck at times.  Not really moving anywhere.

When we physically are in pain it certainly seems to exasperate everything else.   I'm so sorry that you are having such a rough time and wish that shoulder would heal up and give you a little relief.

I know I don't post much but I do read often and you and Jason are never far from my thoughts.  Right there with you missisng our boys today and everyday.

Love and hugs,
Jeanne
Philip's mom

[Dena]

(((((Rebecca))))) - You and Jason are always close in my thoughts. It is so hard to see things go so well for others when our own life is in limbo.  We are all here for you anytime.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

[Donnys Dad]

Rebecca I am so sorry you are in so much pain, not only mentally but physically besides.  You are so right it hurts so bad when others talk of family plans.  I have become very isolated as I can't stand to hear, "MY Son and I are going to do this or that, etc."  When the only thing I can do is sit at his grave and talk to him.

Hopefully this pain will ease for all of us...

[MelissaCharliesMom]

I am so sorry that we are here dealing with these giant, horrendous tragedies. It has been hard for me lately as well so I have no steadfast advice. Only know I am keeping you close in thought and sending strength and peace.

[Kathy]

Dear Rebecca,

I don't post much anymore, but always read all the post. You have been a faithful poster and you have helped me many times with your words and thoughts. Tonight I send you gentle hugs for an easing of the physical pain and some moments of peace for the emotional pain.

Love,
Kathy-Don's Mom

[Wadesmom]

I'm also thinking of you Rebecca, Hearing what others are doing or planning on doing with their familes is so very tough when our family is incomplete. Wishing I could change this for all of us.
 My thoughts are with you and Jason.

Wadesmom

[luckyladyb]

The pride in another parents voice when talking about their children, though innocent is such a painful reminder of our loss. I finished a book over the weekend. One chapter had a paragraph that included, " "People think they're in control, but they ain't. The truth is, that which must befall thee must befall thee. And that which must pass thee by must past thee by."

We have no control. We can either give up and think of the negative side of our loss or try to make something positive of the life, that though gone, was so precious to us. My son would not want me to give up.  And that's what keeps me looking for the best path on this ungodly journey.

[Dottie (Tammie's Mom)]

Dear Rebecca,

I feel just like you. Very alone and more isolated each day. Today is 2 years ago that I last saw Tammie she was at my house for dinner. We hugged and kissed goodbye thinking I would see her in 10 days after my trip to Oregon. Instead she was dead before I got home. I will never see her again. I still have trouble believing that even as I approach the 2nd Angel Date. That just seems impossible too that I am still here. Life surely can change in a heart beat.

It hurts alot when others talk of fun with family and kids. I am very alone. I hate this awful jouirney and hope mine ends soon too.

Sending a caring HUG your way,
Dottie Tammie's Mom

[Karen Paul]

Rebecca - I'm so sorry that you are still in physical pain.. it sure does make everything else tougher too.. I'm glad you are doing the PT, though it hurts.. and hope that improvement will show itself quickly for your sake..

Your comment about co-workers talking about weekend plans.. brought up something I have been feeling bad about all weekend.. I spoke to my brother last week early in the week.. he had called to see how our vacation was, etc.. I was still a bit high from vacation I'll admit and we had seen such incredible nature (Yosemite, Sequoia) that make you feel so small in the world.. so I told him a little about that and that I'd have to show him our pics.. and how Chris would have loved it, the nature, the history, all of it..

But then I did sometime stupid.. I freely admit it, sometimes I open my mouth and something comes out that I regret.. I asked him what he was doing this Labor Day weekend.. he said he and Ruth were going to the Scottish Games nearby, which always has good music and food, etc.. lots to see... then he asked what we were doing.. I mentioned a couple of invitations we had from friends, and then mentioned that our nephew Thaddeus (hubby's sister's child) is going to Austria for the fall on exchange (he is in high school).. and that we were having a get together dinner before he left..

I immediately felt bad about telling him that.. Thaddeus is 15 now and next year he will be as old as Chris ever got to be.. and that is just unfathomable.. all my friends' kids are around that age too, 15-17.. and it is so hard to see them doing all these milestones (license, proms, etc... and graduation) that Chris never got to...

If I asked Brian if it bothered him, I know what he would say.. he would say that it is part of life to hear about others' kids and that he knows he will hear these things.. but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt! And I did not mean to cause more pain for him.. so though I have not talked to him about it.. I do feel bad..

Oh Rebecca - what I'm trying to say in my very poor way.. is I"m so sorry it is so painful to hear of other's plans.. and I think only someone who has not lost a child can think about the future that way.. I know Brian doesn't think very far into the future.. and to be honest I don't either.. I have rambled on enough.. but know that you are in my thoughts always.. and your sweet Jason..

big hugs, karen