Christina: I hate the word "sucks", but this past week after I had been with my mom tottering around all day off balance, and she had gone low unexpectedly (blood sugar) and I had to save her life once again, I was worn out. I came home and said, "My life sucks!!!!!"
There I said it, but immediately felt guilty, of course. I thought of all the people in the world who have it so much worse, and I guess I felt guilty that I wasn't grateful for what I DO have. But a long time ago, I felt like God told me in my heart, that He did not look at people's situations like that. Everyone is individual to Him, and if I'm hurting, then I'm hurting!!!!! (And it doesn't matter at the moment, if Sue down the street is hurting worse. Right?) Sometimes we just have to go with the feelings and let ourselves express them! What might be difficult for me, might be easy to you and vice versa, but our pain is very real to us. You mentioned about everyone around you finding their own ways to deal with your dad's death-your mom's depression, your sister's meaness and anger, your brother hiding under the hood of his car, avoiding it all.) I guess they are all doing the best they can, but that sure leaves you feeling isolated at times, doesn't it?
I must say that your story about wearing your husband's boxers to the store had me reeling!!!
Grief makes us do the craziest things!!!! Our whole lives are turned upside down, and it's a good thing we get dressed at all, isn't it? Just wanted to let you know I hear ya', and hang in there! Love, Lonnie