Author Topic: sisters suicide, guilt and grief.  (Read 6826 times)

stid03

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sisters suicide, guilt and grief.
« on: August 08, 2007, 07:35:16 AM »
My sister killed herself one week ago, overdose. She did leave a note that i havnt seen yet. Last year she had attempted suicide, doctors pulled her thru. At that time she said she would never do it again and God must have a reason for her to survive. She had been strugling with drug addiction for years, she was more or less forced to live with a best friend way out in the country, we thought getting her away from the city drug scene would be a good thing. Yet this added to her depression, and im sure a feeling of that her family abanded her. she had issues with trying to earn her fathers repect and love back, and the day she killed herself she had talked to him on the phone about some money help with a repair on a fusebox her and her friend needed. he fefused, i have been told she was heartbroken, and i think this trigered the suicide. I had seen her 4 days before this happened and she was proud to tell me she was clean and sober 160 days, and she seemed in good spirits (maybe a mask she put on for her younger brother?) so this has been a shock to me. I have found in her bible where she wrote the time and date she excepted christ into her heart, sept 22 2001  7:00 a.m and that she felt calm and filled with the holy spirit. Also notes to God where she pleaded for guidence. As a christian myself i am questioning why he didnt help her in this world, take away the addictions, and why the depression and self hate just seemed to get worse??? and im feeling so guilty that i didnt do enough to help her, if someone you love is strugling, dont just assume things will resolve themselves, call them today, you might not have the chance tomorow. she was 49, i tuned 46 two days after her suicide, not a good b-day. if you have words of wisdom in dealing with the guilt, the grief, and the test of faith, it would be helpfull.

middle sis

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Re: sisters suicide, guilt and grief.
« Reply #1 on: August 08, 2007, 06:53:32 PM »
stid03,
I am so sorry for the recent loss of your sister. I will remember you in my prayers tonight. I hear all the guilt you feel, but I truely feel it doesn't have anything to do with YOU personally. Something had ahold of your sister, something she felt she had no way out of. This was all she knew to alleviate the pain. Don't bury yourself in the "what ifs", what if is something you will never know for sure.  Know that your sister loves you and she didnt' do this to hurt you. I am thinking of you tonight, wishing peace upon you.
Take care
middle sis

Jean

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Re: sisters suicide, guilt and grief.
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2007, 07:51:19 PM »
My heart goes out to you. I know the pain and guilt that  you feel. My sister died 10 months ago. She had problems with prescription drugs and I tried for so long to help get her off them, but her doctor kept prescribing and she would not stop. Then another doctor prescribed a different kind a week before her death. Two days before she died I had noticed that she was unsteady on her feet - and all I did was get mad and tell her that she needed to stop taking these medications and get more help. She died from complications of her new medication with the stuff she was already on. The guilt I have felt has been so overwhelming. I thought I would never be able to get through it. My sister was only 46 years old. I am 40. I went for counselling and it helped a lot. I now realize that she was an adult, as your sister was. They make decisions for themselves, as we do. We cannot control other people and make them do what we want them to do. If we could, then they would still be here today.

My sister was very religious. But she suffered from depression and its a horrible disease. I believe she tried her best to cope, as I'm sure your sister did. I wish God didn't take them, but believe it was just their time to go. As hard as it is - and I'd give anything to change that...it was their time to go. Keep the faith...it has helped me through these terrible times. I also lost my mom 4 months ago to cancer. I truly believe my faith has helped me to continue on. Although some days it doesn't feel like I will get through.

I wish you well. This is so fresh for you. Its a difficult road. But you are not alone.

Jeannie

jazzgirl

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Re: sisters suicide, guilt and grief.
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2007, 06:19:54 AM »
I am so sorry for your loss. My brother died of suicide also. It is so hard b/c it is like you are searching for a good reason and there just isn't one.  I know he suffered from depression his entire life. He had problems when he was younger in his teens.  He was married when he was 22 and his wife cheated on him and divorced 2 years later after their son was born. He actually got full custody of him for about 5 years. That was when he was the happiest was during those years. He later got married again to a woman that you just couldn't win with. I know that is most women, but she was real bad. She was always yelling at him and criticizing him all of the time. Most of their fights were over his son. She was always telling him what he was doing wrong as a parent. She had no kids at this time. She later had a child with him and he could never do anything right with that one either in her eyes. It was sad b/c he was such a great father. His youngest had just turned 1 about 2 weeks before he did that. She turned around and got pregnant and married 5 months after he died. How nice, huh. 

I, too, am a christian and really turned to God for help thru all of this. I watch "Hour of Power" on Sundays and I feel like he sent me messages thru them. I, too, questioned why he would put this pain on our family. What did we do to deserve this?  I got this message one week saying many people think that God is suppose to fix our problems and make them better and was told that he wasn't their to do it for us. We have to fix them ourselves, but he is their to guide. We just have to listen to him and trust in him.  He has been my rock thru all of this.

Good luck with your journey. Just know we are all here for you. Thinking of you,

Jazzgirl

stid03

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Re: sisters suicide, guilt and grief.
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2007, 06:31:59 PM »
Thanks for the kind words,im so sorry for your losses also. life seems unfair sometimes. Sadly now my mother is in the hospital, her health and mental state has been poor and getting worse over time. This shock has taken some toil, she is being checked, they fear another heart attack or a stroke, dont know yet. Seems when it rains it pours some times.

Lonnie

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Re: sisters suicide, guilt and grief.
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2007, 11:52:02 PM »
Stido3: I am so genuinely sorry for all the sorrow you have experienced. Apart from your prayers, and showing your sister you loved her, there was probably nothing else you could have done. When people have drug problems, combined with pain and confusion, they just aren't thinking properly at all. I know this must have really hurt your family so deeply (beyond words) and I will pray for your mom, and for you also. This is a great deal of stress to hold up under. Please let us know how your mom is doing. I am sure that God heard your sister's prayers, but He also gave her a free will, to think and react independently of Him, and she made a horrible choice because of the extreme pain she was in. Since it was a repeat attempt, there must be very deep pain that controlled her life. Try to think of her as a very sick person, because she undoubtedly was. Please don' take this horrible burden on yourself. We all think like this when someone we love dies. The "if onlys" and the 'I should haves". And in the case of suicide, it is much worse. You are not guilty of anything, so release yourself from that heavy weight. God is a good God, and I questioned Him also when my dad died. There are some things that we don't understand, but He doesn't cause evil. His heart is a heart of love always. Please stop by again and let us hear from you. Again, we are here for you-to listen and encourage. Lonnie
« Last Edit: August 09, 2007, 11:54:38 PM by Lonnie »

AllysonD

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Re: sisters suicide, guilt and grief.
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2007, 06:42:09 PM »
Stid, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my only brother in April at the age of 26. And I know what you mean about guilt and maybe having talked to him and done something sooner. Drugs were not the direct cause of Brian's death (we dont think....) but I'm sure they contributed in some way. And yes, I have MAJOR guilt about not doing something to help him. We talked and he also talked with my husband but he never seemed to get it, that his actions had consequences.

I have recently begun to not ask God for things (please let this happen or that happen) but to ask him to show me the way to make things happen for myself. For him to enlighten me in some way and open my heart to hear his suggestions and guidance.

How is your mother?

bearcub41

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Re: sisters suicide, guilt and grief.
« Reply #7 on: August 22, 2007, 05:29:25 PM »
Hi,
I am so sorry about your sister.  I lost my brother to suicide a year ago, Sept. 4th.  It was a total shock.  We only found out 2 weeks before he died that he had been depressed for at least 10 years.  He was in the military and was gone from us most of the time.  I can tell you that what you are going through now is probably the worst and with time, it does get better.  I still cry and this time coming up will be particulary difficult.  In the beginning I cried everyday.  Now I can have periods of time without crying.  My faith has helped a great deal in getting through this.  My brother was 48 and 9 months from full retirement in the military.  I miss him so.  I wish I could be there and give you a hug.

TH

stid03

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Re: sisters suicide, guilt and grief.
« Reply #8 on: September 10, 2007, 05:43:11 AM »
mother has gone from hospital,  to rehab/nursing home, and now back to hospital.
were hoping she can come home after this visit, its some kind of grief counseling
and head shrink visit in a psyche ward. it seems she made some comment the home
thought she may be a danger to herself. how they take serious comments made by senile
patients i dont know. they cant remember what they said themselves.
any way, thnx for asking. and thx all for kind words.