Hi LuAnn,
Sleep has been one of my challenges, as well. As long as I'm up doing something, I can function in an unexplainable, although painful fashion. But, the moment I lie down, I go to pieces.
I went to the doctor a few weeks after Owen died, not for help with sleep, but because I thought I had a bladder infection. I didn't. But, because for years, the reason for me waking in the night was to go to the bathroom (sorry if this is too much information for some), I kept thinking I should do the same in these grief-stricken sleepless nights. The difference was, I was waking up every 30 minutes at first (not that I was actually asleep yet), so I would make my way to the bathroom, and nothing. The doctor said it wasn't an infection at all, just the anxiety, stress, and grief controlling my body. He gave me samples of sleep medications.
Because I'm allergic to three other known prescriptions, I have not used them. A friend, who lost her brother two years ago, told me that her mother found Tylenol PM worked better than any of the meds her doctors had given her. I tried it (the generic store brands), and yep, she was right. I can now (and this is very early for me - only 10 weeks since my son went missing) get to sleep, and wake less often. Maybe it's just the suggestion that something will help, but that's enough for me.
I still cry the moment I lie down, and do so until sleep takes over. I still wake exhausted, but at least there's the knowledge that some bodily recovery has taken place, and that's better than it was in the beginning.
My son's death is still a mystery, so when I wake (no matter whether it's in the middle of the night, or in the morning), I still see all the possibilities of what might have happened. The difference 10 weeks into this, is there is SOME sleep. Some is better than none, and more is what I'm hoping for.
It took me two weeks to try the Tylenol PM, after my friend told me about her mom's experience. I don't know why I didn't rush out that day, but my husband brought some home one night, and wow...so simple. Just taking that edge off our imaginations is something to hope for in the sleep deprived grieving stage.
I wish you the best with your search for help with sleep, but more importantly, with the long path you are on, along with the rest of us here.
Love,
Linda
Owen's mom