Author Topic: I lost my baby sister  (Read 18636 times)

go4jenny

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I lost my baby sister
« on: August 05, 2007, 05:33:45 PM »
I lost my 25 year old sister and her 26 week unborn child due to a motorcycle accident on July 02 07. The baby died the 2nd  and my sister on the 3rd. She was not wearing a helmet and the boy who was driving was. She died, he got scratches. We found out he was high on cocaine but because of how the laws are written they have to have an extensive investigation to prove he was high enough to be charged. He also has no insurance, no motorcycle lisence, and had been busted selling cocaine 7 days before he killed my sister. Lost his jaguar, had no insurance then either, fled from police on foot, There were lots of charges. What makes all this so hard to except is that he is not being charged right now and we cant move on until he does. My mom, twin sister and brother went out yesterday for her birthday, she would have been 26 years old. I am finding it hard to do my day to day things, raising my three children and focusing on them, getting them ready for school to start and then there is my sisters 2 year old son she left behind too. I love that little boy, he lost his mother and his dad will probably go to jail. It has been so hard waiting on the police to tell us if this man is going to get away with doing this to my sister. I dont think I will be able to handle him not being held responable for murdering two people. Anyone out there with any aadvise to keep me sane?

AllysonD

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #1 on: August 05, 2007, 06:49:52 PM »
I am so sorry to hear of your very sad news. I lost my only brother in April of this year. He was 26. His 27th birthday would have been yesterday. I can understand how you want and need closure in your sister's death. Just for now, take it one day at a time. It is so early and I know you are still hurting.

I will remember you in my prayers tonight.

Lonnie

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2007, 03:21:10 AM »
I am also so sorry to hear of the death of your sister and her unborn child. Let's just believe that the guy will be prosecuted, and there will be some justice done. I know your heart is breaking for the 2 year old. How sad for him.  :'( Please visit our Main Board as well if you don't get enough responses here, as for the moment, there seems to be more people there. There are some wonderful people on this board also who will answer you later today, I'm sure. I will also remember you and your family in my prayers, and pray that you get the justice you deserve. Hugs-Lonnie

hummingbird

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2007, 04:03:28 PM »
I am so sorry, take each day as it comes.
I know its so hard to focus on you children but it is your children that will help you get through this as i have found out
take care love and peace

go4jenny

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #4 on: August 07, 2007, 08:46:25 AM »
Thankyou all for your kind words. I have to be honest and say my kids aren't getting the attention they deserve from me. I cant sleep I am not eating right. I cant seem to stay focused on anything. I sit at her grave and wish with all my heart I was down there with her and her baby. I never got to tell her goodbye, that I loved her or anything..she was just gone. It is so hard to just try to go on and live your life when such a huge part of it was taken. I feel so lost and sad and hopeless. I feel anger toward the man that killed them because he doesnt feel like he did anything wrong, it was an accident. NO it was not... he chose to drive high and chose to take her life in his hands by doing so, that is not an accident. Would I feel better if he felt remorse? I dont know. I just hate him with all my heart. I wish that I had someone to help me thru this grief but all my family are griving themselves. Thankyou for this site i truelly needed someone to talk to.

jazzgirl

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2007, 05:53:07 AM »
I, too, have 3 children and when my brother died in Jan. of last year, it was hard for me to focus on them also. I was just a walking zombie for awhile. I would just take time and sit with them all together and explain to them to just be patient with mommy b/c she is very very sad about their Uncle Jason.  They really loved their Uncle Jason. They know when I start crying that it is b/c I miss him. I have to say that by being honest with them like that, they were able to help me cope a lot of the times. They told me 1 time that it was going to be ok b/c he was in heaven now and he isn't hurting anymore. I say that all of the time. Children seem to bring life back into us thru these tragic times. I'm sorry to hear about your sister. Good luck and you are in my thoughts.

Jazzgirl

hummingbird

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2007, 04:11:48 PM »
Hi go4jenny,
I can so understand how u feel, my brother died of a heart attack, he was very fit, never smoked or drank, he died swimming. We didn't get to say good bye either. My whole family was just so shocked, it was like it was just a nightmare.
My family have found it so hard, we are heart broken,he was the rock of the family, always lending a helping hand, doing jobs( no job was to big or small).
I seemed to have taking it the hardest, some days i have just wanted to curle up in a ball go to sleep n never wake up so i can be with him,I have been on a downward spiral since his death, i have had good and i have had some awfull days (shouting at the kids when they are just being kids) thing is its not just me that lost my brother they lost their uncle too.
I am seeing counsellers because this has been so hard for me but i am starting to come out of the other side now thanks to my kids, and talking to family and all the kind people on here. I know if he was here he wouldn't want me to be unhappy. My brother is not here n as much as would love him to still be he isn't but my kids are and they need me as much i need them, i am a single mum so 99% of my hugs come from them and they are the most loving hugs you can ever get.
 
You need to do this for yourself  as well as your kids
Please have a look on siblings board and find the words of wisdom i posted
All my love and peace xxxxx lots of hugs for you too
« Last Edit: August 09, 2007, 04:24:30 PM by hummingbird »

go4jenny

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #7 on: August 16, 2007, 05:18:21 PM »
I an getting better I think... I noticed that my moods were affecting my kids moods and they are starting to be cranky and sad for no reason. I think they have seen me upset for longer than I have ever stayed down and they are copying my actions. I still feel sad all the time but I am trying to hide it when my kids are home. I know things will get better once they charge that man and we can get my nephew back. His family is keeping him from us and he is all we have left of my sister. She sang to me on a text message that she sent to me 2 days before she died.... she sings "i've been thinking about you" so I get to hear her voice forever. I also found home videos but I cant quit get through them yet...It's to raw to see her so vibrent and alive snuggling her little boy. Thankyou all for your comments

jazzgirl

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #8 on: August 21, 2007, 08:30:49 PM »
I'm so sorry for your loss. What a great thing to have that text from her. I understand what you mean about videos. It makes me miss my brother even more when I watch them and it has been since Jan. of last year. My brother has 2 boys from 2 marriages and the x wife from the 1st marriage is keeping the boy from our family. That is such a tough thing to deal with. I don't understand why people do that. How heartless!! Just know God is watching all of that also. I hope everything works out for you. You'll be in my thoughts.

Jazzgirl

go4jenny

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2007, 03:27:12 PM »
It is hard, does the ex do malicous things to you on top of it? She tried to file an epo on us for just calling to get visitaion with brandies son. I dont understand how people can be so evil and it was her son that killed my sister. It truely feels like we just keep getting blows from everywhere. I wish my family were closer so that we could sort it out togather, but wishing it never makes it come true. I feel drained from all the court dates and meetings with homicide detectives and police officers. I feel like i'm going to pull my hair out. If I have to go years without seeing her child I will nut up....he is all we have left of my beautifull sister and I want him to remember her. This women has the child calling her mommy and it just breaks my heart!

jazzgirl

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #10 on: August 29, 2007, 01:08:35 PM »
Sorry I haven't responded sooner. Yes. The x is very manipulative. It is sickening how she can be so self centered. My brothers oldest is with her now and she has said some very nasty things to the child about our family. She has lied to him and told him things that are not true about our family and she paints herself out to be this angel. It disgust me. She doesn't let us see him and will probably tell him that we just gave up on him. I stopped talking to her in Dec. of last year b/c of a fight we got into over the phone.  My brothers b-day was coming up and this was his 1st w/out him and we had been trying to get a hold of her for 2 weeks priar to see if he could come with us to the grave site and she wouldn't return the phone calls. Finally, the day before I was able to get a hold of her and she said it was up to him if he wanted to go and I got him on the phone and he said yes. Then she grabbed the phone back and said I had crossed the line and I had no right doing that and hung up on me. Then her husband came home in the middle of me calling back and trying to talk to her and I was pissed by this time and him and I got into a screaming match b/c all he did was defend her and he had no idea what was going on. I tried to explain that we had been trying to get a hold of them for 2 weeks now and he had no idea about that. Then he proceeded to tell me that we were never going to see Tyler unless it was thru my parents and we weren't important enough anyway b/c we were just his Aunts. It makes me so sick to even think about this. I can honestly say I really hate what that evil witch has done to our family. I hope one day she gets whats coming to her!!!

go4jenny

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #11 on: August 30, 2007, 03:16:07 PM »
I hope so too for your and the boys sake, It's just not fair. I will never understand why people do these things, it's not like you can have too many people loving a child so I truelly dont understand. We found out today that the boy that killed my sisters mother had filed to be my sisters excuter of her estate and swore and signed papers that my sister brandie had no living relatives and that she was all that was left, and she is not related at all! Can you believe that? Brandie has 4 sisters, 2 brothers, both her parents are alive and grand parents, aunts uncles, so many living relatives and she did it anyway. Now we got her going to court on the 10 of september for fraud. Things to come back around when you do evil things and she is going to get hers and I believe in time so will your brothers ex...

jazzgirl

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #12 on: August 31, 2007, 12:12:12 PM »
Wow!!! That is just awful. It just makes you wander how people like that can sleep at night. I never understood why when someone dies, it's like the vultures come out.  I have never had to deal with that, but I can't imagine being a vulture. It just seems so selfish.  The hardest thing to do is just give up the fight and let nature take it's course. I do believe what goes around, comes around.

go4jenny

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #13 on: September 01, 2007, 10:51:36 AM »
Here is a poem I wrote my sister, I wanted to share.                                   My Sister
My heart is broken, I cant stop crying,
I miss you so much, Inside Iím dying.
I sit at your grave, I wish I died too.
How can I move on? I wish I knew.
I miss your laugh and your gangster talk,
The way you smiled, the way you walked.
You were so special, Youíd light up the room,
Like a beautiful flower always in bloom.
I know you stayed sad, Always on the run,
Looking for a party or the next bit of fun.
Like a souring bird with no where to rest,
Searching and searching for your own little nest.
Iím so sorry you felt so alone,
All the answers, I wish Iíd known.
The friendship and secrets we never shared,
Just deepens my sorrow and my dispair.
I cant do it over, Itís just to late,
No second chances, Thatís what I hate!
So many things I should have said,
So many Iím sorryís in my head.
Truth and time always tell,
With you my sweet sister, I have failed.
Drugs and men, the great escape,
Down a spiral to meet your fate.
You hid from it all, to no avail,
A chosen destiny, certain to fail.
I cradled your daughter and stroked her hair,
She looked just like you, Itís just not fair!
I know you both are finally at peace,
You got what you needed, to be released.
I will always keep your memory alive,
Your son will know you and never be deprived.
I wish we could talk, just one last time,
Iím having dreams about you, are they a sign?
I wish I knew what you were trying to say,
Maybe Iíll understand, some time, some day.
I will just keep trying to figuire it out,
Just know I loved you without a doubt.
The thin thread that held us togather,
Has finally broken and gone forever.
Sisters now, sisters then,
Friends forever till we meet again.

Lonnie

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Re: I lost my baby sister
« Reply #14 on: September 01, 2007, 12:52:36 PM »
Such a heartfelt poem. :'( (You really captured your sister in the words. I can almost see her from the picture you painted.) The part about the baby is so sad. Did you actually hold her? If so, I know that is something you will never forget...Please don't feel like you failed. It sounds like your sister did have a path that was risky. But maybe she was just confused and hurting, and couldn't seem to find her way. I am so sorry for all that you lost, Lonnie