Author Topic: my brother i don't know how to cope!  (Read 15486 times)

Lonnie

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Re: my brother i don't know how to cope!
« Reply #15 on: August 13, 2007, 09:12:04 PM »
Sweetpea: Bless your heart, I know what you mean. A friend and I were just talking today about how heartless and even ruthless families can sometimes be when there is a death. How dare someone intrude on you and your sister trying to carry out your brother's wishes? As if it isn't difficult enough for you already, right? He certainly knew what he was doing when he chose the two of you. You didn't mention your mom in your post. Is she still alive? If so, I can't imagine her sorrow at so many losses. Take it one step at a time, and allow yourself all the time you need when the arrangements are over to grieve deeply. You have lost so very much! Thinking of you today, Lonnie

middle sis

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Re: my brother i don't know how to cope!
« Reply #16 on: August 15, 2007, 07:24:27 PM »
(((((many hugs))))) to you sweetpea. Thinking of you tonight!

sweetpea

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Re: my brother i don't know how to cope!
« Reply #17 on: August 19, 2007, 05:17:52 PM »
Dear Lonnie, I am ever so gratful for your comments. You have helped me more that you will ever know!!!! My Brother's service was lovely and very beautiful. My family (my sister husband all my 3 grown sons, aunts and cousins, niece) and my Mother were there. my Mother was shut down because of her side of the family wasn't any where to be seen!!!!!!  I know this hurt my Mother deeply, as well as myself and my sister. I couldn't bring myself to tell my Mother about her sister, the one who tried to sabatoge the Minister from showing up at the services.until yesterday. Her sisters and brother's had the nerve to come and pick her up the same day to come to one of their homes to have a family dinner!!!!!! my mother asked them why didn't they come to their nephew's funeral, and they replied they didn't have transportation!!!!!. My Mother said to all of them, you all had transportation to come here,  but not to my son's funeral?  she was so hurt and devastated,  and to top it all off she was given money cards with the money missing!!!!. Somebody had stolen the money!!!!!   I have been so hurt devastated by my Mother's sister doing what she did,  even though I was envited by another aunt to attend after the services, I would not go, I told my husband I knew that if I saw my aunt I would tell her how I felt about what kind of person she and her, and all her siblings really are, and then I would have busted her in the Mouth!!!!!!!!!! I know myself, and I did not want to embarass, or shame  my brother's memory by stinking as low as they are.  My sister , husband and son's tell me to just get over it!!!!!! I am the type of person that when I love, I love deep, and when I hurt I hurt DEEPLY.  It will be a long time before I get over this event. I know that people are vicious and mean but that took the cake!!!!!!!  thanks for lending a ear for me to vent........Sweetpea

sweetpea

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Re: my brother i don't know how to cope!
« Reply #18 on: August 19, 2007, 05:22:27 PM »
Thank you so much, middle sister......Sweetpea

Lonnie

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Re: my brother i don't know how to cope!
« Reply #19 on: August 19, 2007, 06:04:57 PM »
Sweetpea: How ridiculous about the "not having transportation". Sounds like your mom called them on that one!  ::) What a heartless bunch they turned out to be!!! And as to the money cards, where were the cards when the money was stolen? How awful on top of everything else that happened!  :o You did well to keep your emotions somewhat under control with all that going on. At least you can be grateful that your brother's service was beautiful, and that you were able to carry out his wishes. Now you can begin to take care of your family as you start another journey of grief. You have been through so much! Give your mom a hug for me, and tell her she is in my thoughts and prayers. You also! Let us know how you are in the days to come. I am sure there will be many conflicting emotions. Just let it all out here if you can't anywhere else. We are here to listen and help you along. Hugs-Lonnie

sweetpea

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Re: my brother i don't know how to cope!
« Reply #20 on: August 20, 2007, 01:38:46 AM »
 :) Dear Lonnie, thanks again for being there for me.

I do not want to leave out anyone else who also posted thoughts and prayers for me and my family.

I am going to take the coming days and night to grieve for by brother with peace of mind.

I thank God everyday for my husband, his family, our sons, whom our eldest spoke at the service,  whom I  was so proud, and  my dear Sister, and My father's side of the family who were there for my sister and me.

Without them I would have had A nervous break-down. This occasion just open my eyes to the fact of family, and how people really take that word for granted.
 My siblings and I were raised in the foster care system. It was my sister, and brother who have both now passed and the baby sister and myself, the eldest. I was around 8 years old when this happened. My brother and sisters were  6 ,4 , 3.  My brother was placed in a separate foster home till he was 16. My sister's and I stayed together until I was 15 and then my sister's and I were separated into different foster homes. I found out by chance if I quit school, I would no longer be in the welfare system, and could return to my real Mother which I did. But that's another story. I had a son,  my own home, and I prayed that I would never allow that hell and abandonment that I went through, was ever going to happen to my son, or children. They would feel loved and never wonder where their parents were. I new first hand that there's a whole in a child's heart in the shape of their Mother and Father, who was'nt  there for them. I took over the role as Mother also for my siblings when I got my home, and they all moved in with me.  So you see, I was a sister and a Mother to the sister and brother that I lost. That is the main reason I have so much Hate toward my Mother's family for treating us the way they did, we should have grown used to the abandoment treatment,....... But it still Hurts. I guess it always will.

Lonnie

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Re: my brother i don't know how to cope!
« Reply #21 on: August 20, 2007, 06:49:04 AM »
Oh my goodness Sweetpea-what a life you have had, but what courage and strength you have shown in the midst of tremendous struggles and hardships! Your sisters and brothers were so fortunate to have your love. You will be blessed many times over for every act of unselfishness that you have shown to make life better for your family. I do hope that you can now relax a little, and take some time to reflect on your grief, and the loss of your brother. You have been through so much having to deal with his illness and death, and all the family dysfunction. Hopefully, you will enter into a more peaceful time. Keep writing out your feelings, and know that you are an inspiration. Hugs-Lonnie

sweetpea

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Re: my brother i don't know how to cope!
« Reply #22 on: August 20, 2007, 01:01:17 PM »
 :) Dear Lonnie

Thank-you again for listening to me . it has really helped. I am going to take some time to grieve properly, and to know that I did every thing I could for my brother. One of my favorite quotes is

" LIFE IS NOT  MEASURED BY THE NUMBER OF BREATHS WE TAKE,  BUT  BY THE MOMENTS  THAT TAKE OUR  BREATHS  AWAY"