Author Topic: Love my brother  (Read 33165 times)

Coco

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #15 on: August 13, 2007, 12:09:17 PM »
Thanks for sharing your personnel stories and encouragement., it saddens me to think that others have experienced these kind of tragedies but I take comfort that I am not alone.    I am  happy to report I am five years past my initial breast cancer diagnosis and happy to report that I am doing well.  I have had 2 melanoma scares since then but have taken care of those.  It is amazing to me how some days I feel like I could cry all day over my brother and other days it feels better not great but better.  I still find it hard to admit that this happended to my family.  I lost my mother when she was 49 and my brother at 52, I can't believe how much tragedy we have endured as a family.  I feel proud that I married a wonderful man and have a good career but sometimes feel really down about the losses in my life. 
Any word else feel that way?

trumpetlove

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #16 on: August 13, 2007, 02:02:22 PM »
I'm so sorry. Sibling loss is super hard, and I know how you feel. I lost my brother at age 8, so I can feel your pain. Although I'm sure you were probably closer with yours than I was mine. I'm thinking of you, and you can talk to me anytime.

-Allie.

kelly37

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2007, 06:16:17 AM »
Coco,
I know what you mean by looking back at old photo albums & loosing the members of the family!  I have a wedding picture hanging up & it is my husband, my mom & dad, my brother & my sister ---- my dad & brother have since died.  It crushes me looking back at family gatherings & wondering what the heck happened!?!?!  Just so many times taken for granted, never once thinking that within 10 years I'd lose my brother, my grandpa & my dad---3 main men in my life! Yes now I have my husband & son as the men in my life but still it's just different!

My dad was very strong after the my brother's death or so it seemed to me.  I never really saw him cry---just at the funeral ever so quietly.  My mom was a wreck loosing her firstborn.  She cried for weeks after his death.  It took our family 5 years to "accept" my brother's death if I can say that---but then my dad dies & the pain resurfaces all over again!!!!  Now I watch my mom go through this alone.  She has no one to go home to, no shoulder to cry on, no one to hold her at night when she's sad----makes me sick. 

So now it is my sister, my mom, my sister-in-law & me.  We all have kids & they keep us busy; but to look around when we have a get together we know there's something missing!  We had a wonderful Christmas in 2005 w/my dad ( about 20 immediate family at my house) and now I wonder how long it will take until we celebrate like that again----I don't think we ever will.

I'm getting my brother's son today---the son he never saw----I enjoy taking him. He's 6 & full of energy!  So it helps to be around his family; it's all we have left of him!  Kelly
Dad & Keith,
Memories of you......I miss you both!
"Look Twice Save a Life"

Coco

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #18 on: August 16, 2007, 07:59:29 AM »
Thanks Kelly for sharing,

I have my dad and sister left and my husband and me.  We have no kids.  I have tried to remain in contact with my brothers children but my sister n law has been very difficult to deal with, she feels angry at the world for the loss of her husband and no one could ever do enough for her.  My brother was everything to my dad and he is very lost without him they both lived in Florida, now my dad who has remarried and not happy with her, ne struggles with lonliness and depression.  Very hard to hear.  He told me yesterday that I and my husband are his reason for hanging on.  Alot of pressure don't you thnik?  How do you comfort your mother?  How did your brother die?

Love to hear any suggestions for coping with depressed parents,

Thanks,

Coco

kelly37

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #19 on: August 16, 2007, 08:52:06 AM »
Coco,
My brother died instantly in a motorcycle accident at the ripe age of 37, just before his 38 b-day & a couple weeks before his son was born!!!  He was buried on the 4th of July 2001.  My dad & brother rode harley's together & more so in the last year of my brother's life.  Well my dad, after my brother's accident, proceeded to ride his harley w/my mom (against her will but she did it cuz dad loved it) & then they were in a motorcycle accident last July.  My dad passed away 18 days later.

My mom has since moved from their house of 36 years to a condo in my town to be closer to me & my family.  My sister lives 1 1/2 hrs away & my sister in law lives only 30 mins away so we are all fairly close in proximity. 

I just try to be here for my mom.  Let her talk.  We go for walks in a nearby park. I invite her everywhere w/me & my family.  She doesn't always accept but I at least want her to know she's always welcome.  I just hate the thought of her being alone in the house all the time.  I visit her frequently, call several times a day.  She has a big fat cat that is the king of her condo!!  So she does have some pet therapy!  To this day though the cat will hear a motorcycle roar, and his ears perk up looking for dad!  It's so cute but sad at the same time.

I'm sorry about your sister in law....that would be so hard!  I think the new baby, the new house they were building & family helped my sister in law deal with death differently.  She was angry at the world at the time but she had to be strong for the new baby & their 8 year old.  So we have a great relationship....thank God for that.  We have taken my nephew to the grave to visit his dad & grandpa---how sad!  But life does go on and we're in this together!

Stay there for your dad---he really needs you. I can imagine how hard it is for you to hear about his depression & loneliness but just listen & give support!  That's all we can do!
Kelly
Dad & Keith,
Memories of you......I miss you both!
"Look Twice Save a Life"

Coco

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #20 on: August 16, 2007, 11:19:26 AM »
Kelly you seem to have a very postive attitude that helps everything.  It is good that you are close with your sister n law.  People should try to pull together for these times not break apart.

Thanks for your support,

Coco

kelly37

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #21 on: August 16, 2007, 04:41:21 PM »
Coco,
Thanks.....I try to be as positive as I can in this place we call earth.   Obviously as we all know it's not easy all the time but gosh there is nothing I can do about it!  I often have to tell myself "my dad & brother are in a much better place than we are & sometimes I'm jealous".  Then I think, this is my one & only life so why not make the most out of it   ;)  That's my opinion when people are talking so negatively about their daily trauma in their lives---I wanna say please " you have your whole family; I've lost my dad & brother---what can you possibly be upset about?"   :)  So we have to make the most of it!!!  Hang in there!  Thanks for sharing!  Kelly   :)
Dad & Keith,
Memories of you......I miss you both!
"Look Twice Save a Life"

AllysonD

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #22 on: August 19, 2007, 06:45:59 PM »
Coco, I lost my brother also back in April. He was 26. My father chooses to deny it and kind of not think about it and my mother is depressed (although she has really been having some good days lately for which I am very grateful). But I know what you mean, it is hard to see someone you love in that dark place.

Lonnie told me once that we are not responsible for the mental health of our parents and thats true. You can try to cheer her up or talk to her or try to get her to talk with someone but you alone are not responsible. Your family has been thru so much.

I know how you feel about the pressure though. My parents have me, my husband and my one daughter. Thats it.

sweetpea

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #23 on: August 21, 2007, 02:01:58 PM »
Dear CoCo, I just had services for my brother, so I do know what kind of pain you feel. Let me extend my prayers to you and your family, to help you get through these dark times. I have dealt with death, in my family I have lost my father, my sister, and now my brother. It is now only  my baby sister, Mother, and myself remaining. I am the eldest of the siblings. I will not tell you to get over it, everyone deals with their loss in their own way, my sister passed in 93, and to this day I still cry when I hear certain songs. We song in a group together, we were 2 years apart. and we had sung together since we were 8 & 10 years old. I still miss her so much!!! what gets me through each day, is I know that she did not belong to me, she was on "loan" to me and my family and I feel so blessed  that time we shared was so meaningful to me, and I feel that I am a better person for knowing her and my brother and father. You should feel the same way about your sibling. When you see the sun come up every morning think of your sibling, when you see the flowers bloom in the spring, think of your loved one, when you hear the birds sing in the spring think of your loved one and when you see the sun setting in the evening, know this ....that tommorrow will be a better day..... :D Sweetpea
« Last Edit: August 21, 2007, 10:35:09 PM by sweetpea »

sweetpea

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #24 on: August 21, 2007, 02:07:39 PM »
Dear CoCo

the reply that I  sent, the part stating your husband was mis treating you, I am so sorry I meant to write that part for Hummimgbird Please except my apologies!!!!!! Sweetpea
« Last Edit: August 21, 2007, 10:36:53 PM by sweetpea »

Lonnie

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #25 on: August 21, 2007, 03:54:59 PM »
Sweetpea: If you want to add to or delete from your post, just go to it, and click on "modify" at the top right side. You can add the person's name you were referring to, or change anything you want.   :) Just be sure you hit "Save" at the bottom of your corrected post. Hugs-Lonnie

sweetpea

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #26 on: August 21, 2007, 10:40:55 PM »
Lonnie thanks again for your help,  my making such a terrible mistake !!!!! I didn't realize what I had done until I went back to read the other postings!!   I hope CoCo accepts my appologies     luv....Sweetpea :)

sweetpea

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #27 on: August 21, 2007, 10:47:50 PM »
My apologies to you also Jazzgirl, on the statements I made .

I was trying to give advice to hummimgbird, but instead I insulted you and Coco. Please forgive me. iT won't happen again. We all have enough on our plates without added heartache.
Your sister, anytime you need someone to talk or just listen.

 :) Sweetpea

Coco

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #28 on: August 29, 2007, 11:15:11 AM »
Thank everyone for your support.  This weekend marks the end of summer
although I am relieved to get into some cooler weather the change make me sad for a think about the Jewish Holidays and how my brother used to love to go to temple and make a nice family dinner.  I am somewhat set for I have my husband up here and we will go to my friends for dinner.  But I just spoke to my dad who said I am not sure what I am doing for the holidays your brother used to make such a nice meal.  It saddens me deeply and I am wondering if anyone else has any advice on how to get through the holidays when everything has changed.

kelly37

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #29 on: September 01, 2007, 09:12:20 AM »
I've been really sad these last few days & I blame it on the change of weather/seasons!  Today is a beautiful day here in OH & the bikers are out in full force (either for a poker run or just the "end of Summer" ride)....no matter what the reason seeing all these bikes & hearing the roar, makes my gut turn!  It always brings to mind that my brother & dad would be out biking today.  And w/the holidays coming up just breaks my heart!  So do I have any advice on getting through the holidays??  Hhhmmm---I'll share w/you my story   :)

When my brother died in 6/01, those first holidays following were very hard on the entire family! I remember the pain in my dad & mom's eyes.  The pictures to look back on make me sad to look at.  However, life does go on &  the following holidays got a little easier.  Christmas 05 was the first back to normalcy holiday we had since my brother had died.  It was a weird Christmas; just a glorious time w/the entire family.  The smile on my dad's face in those pictures break my heart (that was his last Christmas w/us). He was saluding w/my sister's father in law from Columbia who also died this past year!  Coincidence of loosing both those men last year???  I think so. 

So Christmas 06 my sister thought we should  all "get away"---boy was that the worst thing we could've done!!! What's right for some people isn't always right for others.  We all grieve differently.

Her family, my mom & my family went to Florida for 1 1/2 wks & it was just not right feeling.  My dad wouldn't have wanted that. He loved Christmas & loved playing Santa & he loved getting gifts himself (as long as it was for his Harley or his team-Steelers) so being away from home was not enjoyable.  I didn't feel him w/us.  Even though I got to spend time w/his brother who lives there, it hurt & made it worse.

So this Christmas I'm going to make it a beautiful time here in my home.  Last year I didn't decorate much & my kids were hurt by that---now I see that. So I promised them a wonderful time this year at home where Grandpa & Keith will be w/us!!!  That's what my dad & brother would want!!! 

As painful as the holidays are w/o our loved ones, we do get through them! I just have to remind myself how they used to be w/laughter & try to carry it on.....It's tough.   I'd love to hear ideas myself from others.....Kelly
Dad & Keith,
Memories of you......I miss you both!
"Look Twice Save a Life"