Author Topic: Love my brother  (Read 32968 times)

Coco

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Love my brother
« on: July 17, 2007, 06:13:21 AM »
Was so glad to find this website.  Many of my friends have lost parents but rarely anyone has lost a sibling.  It has been over a year since I lost my big brother.  He was more like a father to me than a brother.  My mom died when I was 15 and he watched over me even though I had a dad.  Everyday I ask myself how am I going to go on without him this is just a bad dream.  Some days he hurts more than others it hurts more when there is something good or bad to share, I just want to hear my best friend on the other end of the phone.  I have a sister left but she just does not take the place of what my brother and I shared.  I just wonder if it is going to get any easier. Love to hear what others think.......

kelly37

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2007, 11:08:50 AM »
Well I can't say it gets any better but for me the pain has eased somewhat.  My brother has been gone 6 years and the tears still flow, the gut wrenching ache is still there.  At first I was a wreck but over time I have learned to "accept" the fact he's not coming back!  I actually think it may have taken about 5 years to accept that!  He was the wild one of the family, always cracking jokes (whether appropriate or not  :) ) and I miss that so much!  He could make you cry or make you laugh---I also have a sister and our relationship is not the same as my brother & I had!  I'm a little more like my brother and my sister is the more level headed one if ya know what I mean?  We can't joke like my brother & I did.  We don't have a strong tie.  I remember having dreams about him; I'd wake up thinking was that real or not?  He came to me one time in a dream, the last dream I had of him, and hugged me and said "I'm ok" and he walked away into fog!!!  I honestly think he knew how hard I took his death & he came to give me reassurance! 

I'm also new to this site and I love it.  Hopefully you will find it helps you too. 
Dad & Keith,
Memories of you......I miss you both!
"Look Twice Save a Life"

jazzgirl

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2007, 12:03:53 PM »
I lost my brother Jan. 1 of 2006. I still cry, but just not as much. I too miss calling him just to chat. I miss our talks. He was my older brother as well. I just turned 32 last month which is how old he was when he died. It seems to hurt more this year then it did the last. We didn't talk all of the time. We lived in 2 different towns 3 hours away from each other.

I, too, have a sister that is younger than me. She moved 10 minutes away from me a month after my brother died. We have never been real close. She is 8 years younger than me and I was pretty much doing my own thing while she was growing up. Moving her so close didn't seem to work out real well. All we did is fight back and forth. At one point, it even got physical. I have never had a fight like that with her. My brother was the only one I ever got in physical fights with. Only a few times though. She has moved up north now. She has only been up there for a week now. I still hear from her on the phone though.

I am so jealous to hear about everyone who has dreams of their loved ones. I have never had a dream about my brother. I feel his spirit though which I am grateful for.  I'd give anything to have him in person again though. I miss how he brought so much fun to a room. He was the goofiest person I know.

Coco

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2007, 12:16:39 PM »
Thanks for your message.  I was wondering how your parents have coped
with your brothers loss?

jazzgirl

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2007, 01:47:09 PM »
They are having a hard time with it. My mother started taking depression medicine and zanax and my dad just buried himself in anger. He really has a lot of anger towards the 2 wives he had. He blames my brothers death on them for them making his life miserable. I know in the grief process, their is anger, but I just wander if he is ever going to come out of it. My brother was their only son. I feel so bad for them. I hope I don't ever have to experience the death of a child. It was so hard for me just to deal with my brothers death. The fact that he hung himself makes it so hard to deal with.

middle sis

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2007, 03:47:16 PM »
Sorry for the loss of your brother, but I'm glad you found this site. It has been a great source of comfort, understanding, and compassion for me. While there may not always be alot of activity here, someone usually responds within a day or two. I know I try to. Sometimes it just helps coming here and writing whatever it is I am feeling at that time....a great way to vent.
I too had a wonderful relationship with my brother. He was older, so I looked up to him. My sister was younger, and while we didn't have the same kind of relationship, we were still close. I think the big brother syndrome....being the protector with a big heart......is what makes those bonds more special. Take Care

Coco

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #6 on: July 18, 2007, 05:33:10 AM »
My brother died at 52 of a brain tumor it was so awful to see him go down the tubes right in front of my eyes.  I 43, also have had breast cancer along with several other family members.  I wonder if anyone out there could relate to be scared about our own health and long term life potential?

Coco

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2007, 05:48:31 AM »
Hi just wanted to write this morning.  I went away this weekend with my husband fly fishing in NH.  We did have a good time but I felt very anxious all weekend.  Fishing was my brothers favorite activity in life and I thought about him all day.  I found mys elf thinking it is not true right that I can't call him when I get home to tell him what I caught.  Sometimes it feels so much better than other days and some days the pain is unbearable.....I think now that the relief of him of being out of pain is gone we have to deal with the reality of how do you go on without the person it has been 1 year and 2 months.....

Coco

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #8 on: August 02, 2007, 08:24:36 AM »
Last night I was reviewing my wedding album I got married five years ago to a wonderful man.  I cannot blieve how much my family has changed in five years.  My brother died, my sister got divorced and I got breast cancer.
My dad is also having a hard time in his marriage of 25 years she is not my  mom.  Sometimes life has so many setbacks it is hard to remain positive.  Then you meet others who have not had to endure anything in their lives
I feel like I have had more than my share.
Anyone who could relate out there?????

jazzgirl

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #9 on: August 02, 2007, 12:47:30 PM »
Hey Coco,

That sounds like the direction I am heading into. My brother just died last year in Jan. and I am fighting with my husband really bad. I think it is time to seperate. We just keep having the same old fight over and over again. I am doing everything I can and nothing seems to be enough. I have 3 children of my own and have taken on someone elses 2 children for xtra cash during the week. We are very active in going to parks and to the beach. I also have to take all 5 children with me when I go to the grocery store or Wal Mart. It seems like that is my life any more.  Plus I work 4 nights a week at a restaurant till 11 p.m. and on Sat. I work till 2 a.m.  He seems to think I do nothing around the house and I only have a part time job. I am so sick of this argument. I am just too tired to go another round. He said he would actually leave this time. Before, it was always he wasn't going to leave and that this was his house. I felt so relieved when he said he was going to leave. I just want to seperate and show him how much I really do. I have thought about just sitting around watching t.v. and feeding the children when necessary, but not cleaning up anything and then just going to work when I have to just to show him how much I do, but then I thought that out and told myself I couldn't live in that. I feel like all I do is clean and take care of kids and I get no recognition at all for it. He says I don't respect him for all he does. If I didn't respect him, I wouldn't do everything for him. I just want him out so that he can see what all I do for him. He has never lived on his own, so it would be nice to see him take care of himself for a chance. Maybe then he'll see what I do for him. I'm sorry to let all this out. It has just been a rough day. I  know this isn't a marriage place, but your post just made me think about my life.

Lonnie

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #10 on: August 02, 2007, 01:29:17 PM »
Jazzgirl: I am so sorry for all the stress you are going through. Anyone who takes care of 5 children deserves a trophy whether you do any housework or not!  :o And having been a waitress, I also know that is no picnic either! ::) I wish there was something I could say to make things better, but I wanted to encourage you, and tell you that I care. Love, Lonnie

AllysonD

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #11 on: August 02, 2007, 02:44:08 PM »
Hi Coco. I just saw your post. I can also say that my parents are not handling the death of my brother very well. My dad chooses to ignore it and my mother is seeing a psychiatrist and on anti depressants. He died on 4-13 of this year, he was 26.

Its sad we all get to be members of this club, isnt it?

Lonnie

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #12 on: August 02, 2007, 04:40:49 PM »
Coco: You have really been through a lot. How are you feeling physically at this point? I know that the fishing trip was bittersweet! So many memories of your brother, and how much you wish he could be there. I am so glad that you found us. Check out our Main Board as well. Wonderful people who understand on all our boards! Hugs-Lonnie

hummingbird

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #13 on: August 06, 2007, 03:45:43 PM »
I can understand where your coming from it is hard when there is children involved, i split from my 7 yr marrage nearly a year go now, after giving up my job in jan 06 to look after my 2 children n husband after he broke his back, but when he was back on his feet he walked all over me treated me like abit of dirt and got violant. I have found it very hard to deal with the stress he is still causing me with when and when he can't see the children.
I have been away for aweek visiting my best friend of 24 yrs and have come back home as it is my brothers bithday tomorrow(1st one since he died) i'm not sure how i will handle it.I just taking each day as it comes.
I was told by my friends dad who lost his wife 3 yrs ago " when u wake up in the morning just think today is going to be better then yesterday". Take care to you all  love and peace
 

Lonnie

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Re: Love my brother
« Reply #14 on: August 06, 2007, 04:11:09 PM »
Hummingbird: I'll be thinking of you tomorrow, and your memories of your brother. Hope that the day brings you some smiles, along with the tears. Many prayers! Lonnie