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[starrinpa]

hey all im amber 26yrs old from pa.  im here because i lost my brother to a drunk driver almost 12years ago.  he was 19yrs old and was coming home from work when his car started to act up so he pulled off the road and crossed the street to make a phone call to his friend to come help him. after he got off the phone he went back to his car to see what he could do while waiting. when his friend arrived on opposite side of the road my brother proceeded to cross when out of nowhere comes a big van down the wrong side of the road and rams right into to him sending him over 100 ft and killing him instantly. if that isnt bad enough 8 mths later his girlfriend gave birth to thier son. today would of made him 31. even though its been 12 years i cant seem to get over his loss and i just dont understand why.  will i ever?  i miss him so much. 

[middle sis]

Amber, first off I want to say I am sorry for the tragic loss of your brother. I feel what you are saying. I still miss my brother and sister so much and it will be 9 years in November. Sometimes I wonder if I am even making any progress.I find myself getting choked up at the smallest triggers. Just tonight, while watching a television show, I saw two older siblings hugging and laughing. It brought tears to my eyes just at the thought that I will never be able to do that again. I am beginning to think that maybe I don't want to "be over it". If I did, that would kind make them seem as though they didn't impact my life in some way. And they both certainly did. I guess missing them and feeling sad at times validates how special they were to me. Does any of that make sense?

My brother to left behind a son. Thankfully we get to see him from time to time. Do you get to do that with your brothers son? It makes me feel really special when I am with him. I guess because he's the only physical thing left of my brother. I see my brother in his smile, and that puts a smile on my face. Sometimes I could swear I see my own brothers eyes looking at me. I just want to squeeze him!

Wishing you peace tonight! Hugs! Take Care
Middle sis

[starrinpa]

Amber, first off I want to say I am sorry for the tragic loss of your brother. I feel what you are saying. I still miss my brother and sister so much and it will be 9 years in November. Sometimes I wonder if I am even making any progress.I find myself getting choked up at the smallest triggers. Just tonight, while watching a television show, I saw two older siblings hugging and laughing. It brought tears to my eyes just at the thought that I will never be able to do that again. I am beginning to think that maybe I don't want to "be over it". If I did, that would kind make them seem as though they didn't impact my life in some way. And they both certainly did. I guess missing them and feeling sad at times validates how special they were to me. Does any of that make sense?

My brother to left behind a son. Thankfully we get to see him from time to time. Do you get to do that with your brothers son? It makes me feel really special when I am with him. I guess because he's the only physical thing left of my brother. I see my brother in his smile, and that puts a smile on my face. Sometimes I could swear I see my own brothers eyes looking at me. I just want to squeeze him!

Wishing you peace tonight! Hugs! Take Care
Middle sis

the last time i saw my nephew was in 2000   his mother dont like my mother cause my mom blames her for my brothers death and threatened to take away my nephew so im hopin soon i can see him and im sorry about your loss as well i notice things trigger me as well so i guess its normal who knows.

[kelly37]

Hi Amber, my name is Kelly.  I lost my brother in a motorcycle accident 6 years ago.  He left behind a pregnant wife, 2 daughters and a new house at that time.  His wife was 35 wks pregnant at the time of his death.  I got to go in the delivery room with her & watch my nephew be born by C-section.  Today I look in my nephew's eyes & wish he could've known his dad.  He was a rebel without a cause but we loved him dearly!  He was an awesome guy with long hair, he was a rocker, and loved his motorcycle.  I miss him dearly every day. Holidays are not the same!  He was the first death in our family and it really tore  me up.  The pain will never go away; it may ease up but it never really goes away.  There's always that "part".  Now my dad who died at 65 in a motorcycle accident last July is with my brother and I have to believe they are watching over us and riding their Harley's together somewhere!

It hurts.  So cry when you want to.  My family doctor told me I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( I was just getting able to cope with the loss of my brother, then it happens again to my dad ).......Life will never be the same without them!  We lite candles for them at Christmas and cry with each other; then we can laugh at memories and things my brother did.   Beings my dad passing is so fresh, we haven't accomplished being able to laugh at his memories yet!  Hopefullly time will let us.

[jazzgirl]

I don't think we will ever get over our siblings leaving us. I am sorry to hear about all of you loosing a sibling. My family, as you all know, have drama in seeing my nephews also. We have 2 mothers to deal with. There is a lot of blame being passed around b/c his was from suicide. I don't understand how someone can blame another for a death that was caused by a drunk driver. I could definately understand blaming the drunk driver though. I hate the thought of knowing my brother was going to be my neighbor and our families were going to live close to each other and he just gave up on all of that and hung himself. I hurt so bad inside b/c of that.  We have lived 3 hours from each other for 9 years now. He always hated the drive here, but he still made it. I think the fact that they are our siblings and we grew up with them, it is hard not having that buddy to fight, or love, or laugh with anymore. I know I miss it.