Author Topic: Owen, our beloved mystery man  (Read 47807 times)

owensmom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #75 on: February 06, 2008, 12:34:54 AM »
Dear Karen Paul,

Thank you for the link.  As I watched it, I dissolved into those dark days when Owen was missing, and I remembered that tiny light in those nights, that called out to me, "I'm okay now.  If I can find a way, I'll let you know whether to keep looking, or stop, because I'm gone."  Owen was gone, and as hard as it is to type these words, I'm grateful we found his body.  We know he's gone from this life.  Josh's family and friends are living in the void.  There is no greater agony.  And, WITH that knowledge, it does not limit my wish to help others.

Thank you for continuing to communicate with me, about that which is unthinkable.  If you can, please put me in contact with Josh's family.  I have so little to offer, but I know the agony.  Sometimes, that's a part of the healing.

Love,
Linda

owensmom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #76 on: February 06, 2008, 12:37:25 AM »
Dear Tom,

Thank you for writing.  Yes, I do have suggestions.  They are not, however, appropriate for posting on the Internet.

You have access to my profile.  Please email me, if you are interested.

Kindly, thoughtfully, thinking of all of us here at webhealing,
Linda

owensmom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #77 on: February 13, 2008, 02:42:16 AM »
Dear Tom,

I find it interesting, and distressing, that you have not contacted me, considering my last post offered suggestions.  I work in the world of "digital content" and though it does not help in my family's grief, I do have a modicum of knowledge about online posting and boards.  Granted, my suggestions were offered "offline" because I thought continuing this discussion here in view of vulnerable parents would not benefit any of us.  I am one of those vulnerable parents, and would have liked a bit of interest on your part, but I have yet to see it. 

Perhaps, you're just "over it" and feel it's time to move on.  I get that.  I would like to incorporate that into my grief over losing my son.  It's not going to happen in short order, but it's a nice thought, yes?

Instead, I await your reply, these 6 days later, with not a word from you.  This is unacceptable, considering this is a site you began with the best of intentions. I would think you might want to find ways (other than just replacing Lonnie at your earliest convenience) of moving into the future, with the intention of resolving an issue that came up here.  It appears that's not the case. 

From what I've read, this is not the first time the issue of "emotional loss" or loss-other-than-death has arisen.  While I am cognizant that the purpose of this site is to offer a sounding board for people with the loss of a loved one through death, I'm concerned that there doesn't appear to be a thoughtful/feeling avenue for redirecting people who show up here with other types of loss.

My suggestions would have been to simply find other resources, or create some of our own to help people with loss due to life situations that did not include physical death.  I have several thoughts on the matter, and would have offered them to you (and the board at large) had you bothered to contact me.  Perhaps your schedule has just not allowed contact at this early date. 

Working through our mysterious loss of Owen has given us plenty of opportunity to investigate outside resources for answers.  Attorneys with schedules that were quite limited, have reached out to our family, with no requests for retainers or fee agreements.  They have responded in only a few days', sometimes just a few hours' time, knowing they would realize no monetary gain, nor any visible recognition of their efforts.  They did it, because they thought it was the right thing to do.

Something I learned a long time ago:  The difference between managers and leaders is: managers know how to do things right; leaders know how to do the right thing.

I'm asking you to do the right thing, and respond.  I am not the ultimate answer to the "brl" situation.  I'm strictly a concerned participant of webhealing.  This has been a place of healing for me, and I would hope it could continue and GROW, for the benefit of others suffering loss OF ANY KIND.  I understand you may not want that.  I would, however, have expected that you might have availed yourself of the opportunity to investigate options. 

If you are still interested in reading my suggestions, please do contact me.  Again, you know how to find my profile, and therefore my personal email address.  If you are not interested, please, at the very least, let me know, so I can find other venues to share my child-loss grieving with creators of boards for parents of a like-mind.  The child-loss parents I found here were gracious in the beginning.  It wasn't until "brl" showed up, that I found a form of prejudice that reminded me of pre-Civil Rights days.  Yes, you read that right.  Webhealing does not have the protection, nor the responsibility to something as far-reaching as the Civil Rights Act of 1964, but it did purport to offer a place of comfort and "inclusion". 

I'm patient, to a point.  As I'm sure you're aware, grief does not often include "patience" as a symptom.

Just so we're clear, Lonnie, although she was quite helpful and supportive in our early days of grieving, is not my main motivation in writing this post to you.  My main purpose is a more universal quest.  My son would have expected nothing less from me.

Sincerely,
Linda
Owen's mom
 

MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #78 on: February 13, 2008, 05:07:07 PM »
Im sorry I just cant stand idly by.....Owens Mom if you look at the main page of the board you will see that a group for those suffering from losses for reason other then death HAS been established. I just dont get it, when I searched for a support group online after Charlies death I didnt search for a support group for emotional loss. Instead I typed in loss of a child. Common sense (well at least my common sense) told me that going to a board where someone is discussing emotional loss is going to provide me very little comfort...I am not going to touch the Civil Rights comment. Sometimes, some things are just better left unsaid. Again I mean no disrespect, but it seems to me that logic would tell you a child loss board is no place to search for solace when your child or a child who's life you were involved in is still ALIVE and LIVING happpily, just as I certainly wouldnt seek out a board for divorce, emotional loss or parent loss. It REALLY IS that simple.

owensmom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #79 on: February 13, 2008, 07:09:53 PM »
Again, Melissa, I'm sorry to say, you missed my point.  I was quite upset that Tom did not respond, after asking for my suggestions.  And yes, I saw the additional section on the main board.  I'm done with this topic.

owensmom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #80 on: March 03, 2008, 12:32:24 AM »
I received a personal message from Melissa, Charlie's mom, and am uncertain of her intent, as it was a picture of Charlie, and nothing more.  I have responded to her, with what I hope will clear the air.  If not, then I have nothing more to offer.  I am wrung dry of trying to communicate about "inclusion". 

I hope all of you at webhealing are finding your way through the awful losses you are living.  We are doing our best, and every day is filled with more conflicting news about Owen's death.  Some of you have documentation about actual causes associated with your children's deaths - things like car accidents, illnesses, and falls.  We have nothing more than questions, and an autopsy report that tells us the forensic pathologist will never be able to tell us exactly what killed our son.  Educated guesses, and only that.  What we hear on the street, is a variety of stories and now, in these months later, what has become variations on a theme - mostly myths that serve the needs of the storytellers.

We grieve in many manifestations of death - accident, murder, "suspicious", and suicide.  While most of the stories we hear are of a particular accident, and a variety of murders, we may never know, so we envision all forms of grief, and live them every day.  To think that we are somehow limited in our understanding of death versus other forms of parent loss, is abominable to us.  I invite you into our shoes.  Our shoes are filled with unrelenting questions.  We live with a huge gaping hole in our hearts - not just the void left behind with Owen's absence, but the fact that we don't even know how he left this world. 

Don't try to imagine it.  You don't want to share this additional layer of grief.  Just like I don't want to limit my understanding of what it's like to have loved stepchildren, adopted children, or birth children who have chosen to abandon my love.  Owen never abandoned my love by his own choice.  I am grateful for that.

Love in our collective losses,
Linda
Owen's and Nat's mom

Debh

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #81 on: March 03, 2008, 04:57:18 AM »
Linda I can only think if you got a email it was intended to communicate off the board and I would hope if I did this it would be kept off the board.

I am sorry you may never know the answers to Owens death. You are not alone, I believe my boys were intentionally pushed off the road that killed them, to me that is murder, nearly 12 years have passed and I accept today I will never know. 

"We live with a huge gaping hole in our hearts - not just the void left behind with Owen's absence, but the fact that we don't even know how he left this world." my guess everyone here or that has lost a child feels the same not knowing why our child left this world, I wonder each and every day and imagine it will be forever and part of my life now. Knowing so many answers will never come and I can say it was a relief when I stopped looking for answers I would never find, yet the sadness to why remains I just stopped searching but always wonder, I imagine most of us are the same no matter how our child has died. What I do believe today is all of our children had no choice on their deaths, even to suicide as many think suicide is a choice I think it is a medical problem that is unknown to all that is taking our child.

We are all in this together and not alone, I will forever feel sorry for each child that has died and all parents that have to live each day without and wondering why and can't fix it.

Keeping everyone in my thoughts and continue to hope for better days and some peace for us all. This is one heck of hard journey we live but together we do survive and find some healing and peace, hope this for you also and thinking of you and Owen.

Love
Deb

MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #82 on: March 03, 2008, 11:48:16 AM »
Owens Mom - Actually that e mail was mistakenly sent to you. I replied to another member here or was trying to and accidently sent it to you. The other board member was trying to help me set it up so Charlies photo appeared at the bottom of my posts and replys. It was really that simple. Im not quite sure what you thought my intentions were or why you felt the need to post about the photo, but that is not my concern. Just letting you know why you got that e mail. It was simply a mistake. Wishing you peace on your journey.

owensmom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #83 on: March 04, 2008, 02:25:48 AM »
Dear Melissa,

Mistake or not, it is a beautiful photo of Charlie.  By the way, I don't believe in mistakes...

Linda

MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #84 on: March 04, 2008, 12:50:13 PM »
Thanks for the compliment, but trust me if I had other intentions you wouldnt have to question what they were. I am honest to a fault and hold my tongue for no one. Im glad you like the picture, as you can see it is attached to each post and reply I make now.
Wishing you peace on your journey