Author Topic: Owen, our beloved mystery man  (Read 54869 times)

Lonnie

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #45 on: August 30, 2007, 03:17:43 AM »
Linda: I'm having another sleepless night, even though I'm exhausted to the max. I was with my mom all day today. I'm her caregiver, since my dad died about 2 years ago. She is in bad shape, still trying to live independently by her own wishes. Today, as so many other days, she went low (an insulin dependent diabetic), and I sprung into action to once again save her life. It took 2 1/2 glasses of OJ, and 2 honey buns to bring her back around. (Glucose tablets and gel don't even phase her.) That is why my nervous system is so whacked. I think all my nerves are exposed. Sometimes I think I lost my life when my dad lost his. It is so very difficult, and yet I have become so close to her. This is a gift, as we have always had our differences. But when you care for someone day in and day out, you will always grow to love them more.  But I am learning that I can't give her immortality. At first I thought it was up to me to keep her alive, but only God can do that. I lost 2 dads very close together in time-my bio dad and then not longer after, my stepfather (who raised me from age 7.) My mother has so many health problems, and is unsteady on her feet, but refuses to use her walker. I don't think she realizes that one bad fall would change her life (and mine) forever. And the beat goes on...
At any rate, I just wanted you to know how much I am enjoying your blog!  And also going to your MySpace was so enjoyable. We are close to the same age, and all of the music from the past brought back so many memories-Neil Young, The Beatles, etc.  And how fascinating that Owen loved a lot of that music as well. He was a very handsome, interesting young man, and the dreadlocks were totally cool!  LOL! He was such a deep thinker. It must have been such a joy to have discussions with him. He truly was a "Mystery Man". I am totally captivated by his story. Yes, we may be different to some extent, but not all that much. We are all searching for truth and answers, and we can learn so much from each other. You write so well-another thing that I am drawn to. All my life I have wanted to write, and when I can no longer handle all that is happening in my world, I turn to pen and paper to speak the language of my heart. I am so very blessed to have met you. I look forward to reading your daily thoughts, as I am sure others do also.  Keep us posted when you can.  Many thoughts of you my friend, Lonnie

owensmom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #46 on: September 19, 2007, 07:55:47 PM »
Hey everyone!!!  Guess what!  We still don't know anything!!!

The good news: I talked with the coroner's detective assigned to Owen's autopsy report (I know, most people don't want to actually read these things), and she said the pathologist will have the report completed by sometime next week.  While that was certainly encouraging in some ways, it was also disturbing to find out the reason for the last 4 weeks' delay, was that our oh-so-efficient police department, had failed to provide their photos, from the day Owen's body was found, which was two days before the pathologist was able to take her own photos.  No, the doctors contracted with the coroner's office don't work weekends in our county.  So, the report is likely to hold little hope of accurate information for many reasons - too unimaginable to write here or anywhere at this still early stage.  I've done a lot of research in the last few weeks...no one wants to know all the clinical aspects of what I've discovered.

Thank you to those of you who have been following along with our story on http://mysteryoriley.wordpress.com.  Like I said in an earlier post here, I can't talk about much of the details surrounding the investigation in that blog, due to it being publicly accessible.  But, it does include parts of our lives before and after Owen's death, that just in the writing of them, are healing.

Thank you Lonnie, for your continually encouraging comments, and for laughing with us about the old days, and remembering when life was much sweeter.  I'm so glad to have found your friendship through this board, and pray for your strength in these days of taking care of your mom...and the house flooding incident.

Love,
Linda
Owen's mom


MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #47 on: September 20, 2007, 05:42:16 PM »
Please know I am sitting here hoping against all hope that you will be provided with some of the answers that you so desperately seek. It is amazing the ways in which our "Justice" and "Law Enforcement" systems work is it not???I too have been let down, disgusted and disappointed with anything even remotely tied into the law enforcement/ court system.
I havent posted much as of late, but I do keep up with your beloved Owens story. Please know I am thinking of you. Sending strength and peace.

owensmom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #48 on: September 22, 2007, 12:30:26 PM »
Just stopping by to say hi to everyone, and let you know I'm thinking of all of you, and knowing that if you're further down this path than us, you will continue to be a source of hope.  The openness with which I was able to write here for so long is gone now.  A couple of posts ago, I said I considered this site a "cone of safety" even though I knew at some point in time it would all be open to the scrutiny of anyone looking on the internet.  That time has come.  My posts here on webhealing are all easily found on the internet, and that cone of safety has been lifted, erased.  I knew the day would come.  Thank goodness I had those early weeks with you all, when you were all so kind and loving in your replies.   

Thank you for hanging out with me in the darkest days.  They still hit me unexpectedly, and I'm never prepared, just like that Saturday.  My posts here will now be nothing more than the stuff that I write elsewhere, but hopefully I can still read your messages and know we're all in this together. 

Thanks, Tom Golden, for the respite.  Maybe the administrators and moderators could have a discussion about setting up "privacy" settings, or "members only" status, so that only those you want to see your posts, can.  I know this might feel like it defeats the purpose of having an open forum, and it would cost something to set that up, but it's a thought...

sandy2

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #49 on: September 23, 2007, 06:27:40 AM »
i have the same feelings about being so open & i do feel your pain , but i also know there will be a day certain people are going to use it agaist , too bad we cant share pain without knowing someone is going to turn it around . just know im thinking about you & really feel your thoughts . itll happen to me too. LOV & A GREAT BIG HUG SHANES MOM

luckyladyb

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #50 on: September 23, 2007, 08:24:59 AM »
This made me sad. How did this happen?  Are we all in danger of this happening to us?  I also post feelings I thought I was sharing only with my dear new grieving friends.
Anyway,  I have a personal email and you're more than welcome to use it.  You need a place that's safe and you need to express yourself to folks who understand and care.  I'm here .......
Jason's Mom, Bonnie

LaVonne

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #51 on: September 23, 2007, 05:11:04 PM »
I am so sorry for the way your son case was handled. The authorities not wanting to file a report. Everything is so wrong and the mystery of how he died is just not right. I am holding you and your husband close to my heart and sending my love with lots of hugs. I do hope the answers come and that you get some closure on how this happened. Please keep us updated and know I care. LaVonne

owensmom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #52 on: September 29, 2007, 03:06:27 PM »
Hey webhealers,

The final coroner's report on Owen came out yesterday.  The cause of his death is listed as "undetermined" and "probable drowning".  The details are insiginificant in terms of finding out how he died, but we knew that would be the case.  From what?  We held out hope until yesterday, that there would be a more definitive answer.  Reading the report was not that hard.  But, the aftermath is similar to losing him all over again. 

Lonnie posted a very sweet comment on my blog that really hit home.  She talked about seeing her dad's death certificate for the first time, and what that felt like. 

There are still a few things we have to deal with in the real-world part of losing Owen, like the final report from the police department.  I'm sure reading it, will leave us feeling much like yesterday and today - empty.

We're making every effort to focus on Owen's life and not on his death.  Does this work for anyone with all these unanswered questions?  When the house is quiet, I can still hear his voice.  I hope I always can.

Love,
Linda
Owen's mom

quint906

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #53 on: September 29, 2007, 03:16:09 PM »
Linda,

I can understand what you feel after getting the reports.  I also ordered the coroners report and the police report.  I was looking for answers to help me understand "how this could happen".

I try to focus on the "now" and not the "whys".

I hope to hear Cory's voice until the end of my time.  I've just started to bring out the videos just to keep him fresh in my mind.  Sometimes it's painful but sometimes something will make me laugh.  Especially when I go back in time and recall that day.

I pray someday, you have your answers.  Like in my case, sometimes things happen and no matter how much we want to know, the answers might not be there.

Owen is with all our children and like I've said before, I feel they all brought us together so that we can support eachother.

You and Owen will always be in my thoughts and prayers.

Jo (Cory's Mom)

owensmom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #54 on: November 04, 2007, 08:47:12 PM »
Hey everyone,

Halloween was Owen's favorite holiday.  Our family made an honest effort to celebrate and make something fun out of it.  Nat, Anna, and Ruby all dressed up and went trick-or-treating.  Dave and I met them at Michael's (Owen's and Nat's father), and took pictures and gave them their first treats.  When Nat and I hugged before they took off to meet up with friends, we both fell apart.  Owen should have been there with them.  That's all we could think.   Dave and I went to the River then, and threw flowers in - 12 orange blossoms and one purple one, for Owen's favorite number, 13.  We stood on the River Walk for a while in the evening light, watched and listened to all the kids, and came home. 
 
I see from other people's posts that the holidays are here, and we seem to be fairly miserable together.  Holidays without our kids.  How messed up is that?  We're working out our "new" plans for how to spend them this year.  We did okay with Halloween, so I'm hopeful we can muster up enough courage for the rest of them.  Really, I'd rather just lay in bed for the next year or so, maybe 12.  That's not going to happen, so we march on, with each step seeming more painful than the last.  As each layer of grief comes off, it seems to expose new, raw skin, much too tender to deal with regular old daily life.

I had another unpleasant conversation with the detective the morning of Halloween.  It took me calling the Chief's office the day before to get him to respond to my five voicemails in the weeks since the coroner's report came out.  More on that later.  What I'd like to say isn't fit for polite company, so I'll stop here.

I've met some marvelous people through our loss of Owen.  Talk about weird, but I'm so thankful.  Thank you all for being here in this amazing space called webhealing.  I'm thinking of you all as we move toward the holidays and winter.

Love,
Linda
Owen's mom
http://mysteryoriley.com


sandy2

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #55 on: November 05, 2007, 06:53:27 AM »
LINDA,im so glad to hear from you again.missed you . wow your holloween sounds like mine, that was SHANES,favorite holiday too. yes still at 29 he had to dress up totally awsome & take his kids out trick or treating . i had my moments & went on as we are supposed to do . and like you i guess well get thru the holidays & winter i guess. somehow we go , but what a lonly journey uh :'( :'(SHANEalways played santa clause at the moose christmas party too , so its really a struggle. i would love to just curl up in bed also , but really how long would we be there  :-\.i do have his 9 yr old son hes such a joy & such his father .weve had 4 pretrail hearing not sure how long hell be here , were certainly hoping & praying forever, but WHO knows .thats just another bridge well cross when we get there . the other 2 children live right her we had all the time but their mother had a man the day of the acc. , now since aug., has denied us visitation they have a new daddy , new 140.00 house, and of course shes sporting a hugh diamond . all on what my son worked so hard for !!!!! evil people sure come out of the world in our grieving process uh ! i hope you get some answers on your wonderful OWEN SOON  >:(sure have thought of YOU & OWEN ALOT. email me if you would like. hugs thoughts strenth god only knows we need lots of that. i have to do this for AUSTY &YOU FOR YOUR OTHER CHILDREN SO LETS BE STRONG TOGETHER . :( ??? :-*LOV SANDY SHANES MOM . OWEN OWEN OWEN
« Last Edit: November 05, 2007, 06:58:27 AM by sandy2 »

Dawson

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #56 on: November 21, 2007, 09:40:27 AM »
Hi Owensmom. I read you first post. The one of Owen missing and being found. I am  so sorry for your loss. If you were to read my first post of my daughter being killed, you will find that we are both hurt beyond understanding of all people except those on this forum. I will pray for you and all of Owen's family and friends. I picture Owen in the group of youngsters in Heaven, next to my girl, singing songs to Jesus. I believe He reserves the close up seating for our babies. I will keep you and Owen in my thoughts. God bless you.
Dawson Moyers - Macy's Daddy
Spring, Texas

owensmom

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #57 on: December 31, 2007, 01:37:10 AM »
Hey everyone,

Here I am again, hoping to find something tangible that can explain how miserable I am, but knowing you all know, and can't possibly make me understand.  We just know.  Our kids have gone on, and we have not.  Well, quite frankly, that just sucks.

If you read my blog (http://mysteryoriley.com), you know where I've been.  And, if you haven't, you know anyway.  You communicate here instead, and that's wonderful.  For here, on webhealing, all of us find comfort.  I also find comfort in an additional community, and it's okay.  I come here on occasion, because this is a community specifically dedicated to those of us who have lost loved ones.  The greater blogosphere is not this place.  I meet people there, often, by accident.  It works, in its own way.

I miss the old days (how old can they be, given Owen only died a mere 7 or so months ago?), and it seems like a lifetime.  Oh, that's right, for some people, 7 months is a lifetime.  I can't imagine what it's like to lose a baby, an infant of 7 months, more or less.  I can only talk about what it's like to lose a son of 20 years and 50 weeks, because that's how old Owen was when he left us.  WAAAAHHHHHH.

Those sounds that visit me when I'm in my car alone, those primal screams...do you know them?  I read about them back in the 70s, but in a very different context.  Now, I know them as a part of my everyday life.  I miss Owen in a verbal way, in a screaming way, in an I-want-to-crawl-out-of-my-skin way.  And, it hurts like burning in hell.  Or, at least, that's my only way to explain it.  How about you?  What do you feel?

It may seem odd that I look forward to 2008, yet I do.  I look forward to finding answers, to finding peace.  I hope you find peace, too. 

I know our children are all holding hands in heaven.  Dancing, even.  Picking flowers and singing songs.  For this is the vision I hold.  I hold this vision like it is oxygen.  Without it, I am lost.  Find me, babies.  Find me, and bring me into the fold, like I'm a lost lamb.  For, surely, a lost parent is a lost lamb looking for peace.

Happy New Year, webhealers.  2008 has to be better, yes?

Love,
Linda
Owen's mom

DantesDad

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #58 on: December 31, 2007, 07:56:45 AM »
You are right owensmom, and so not alone.  My Dante passed away 8 1/2 months ago - some days it feels like a lifetime ago, some days it feels like yesterday.

I too have the same vision - the same "oxygen" as you.  The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of seeing Dante again.  I have to believe it.  I have no other choice.

Peace to you - and us all - in 2008.

Marty - Dante's Dad

Karen Paul

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Re: Owen, our beloved mystery man
« Reply #59 on: December 31, 2007, 08:19:34 AM »
Linda - there is a family in our area whose 21 yr old son went missing about a week ago and their heartbreaking story has brought you and your sweet Owen to mind.. I do pray they have a good outcome... but think of you so often and the unanswered questions that surround your sweet son's death..

We are at the beginning of our 5th year without my nephew Chris and even as I write that I cannot believe it is true.. how could he possibly have been gone for so long and how could we all have possibly made it through all those days and nights since he left us??? !! Yet the truth is there - he was almost 17 when he died, killed by a hit and run driver while riding his bike home to his mom's house - and now he would be / should be 21 yrs old, a junior in college -

While I welcome the New Year for it's possibilities and hope - it also puts me one year farther away from Christopher (or one yr closer depending on point of view I guess) - but farther from the last time I heard his laugh or saw him smile or hugged him - seems like another life time some times - of course I'm just an aunt, not a parent - so it is very different I'm sure - I remember his mom Amy saying just a week after his death that it was the longest she had ever gone without talking to him - I can't imagine how hard that has been as years go by.. the missing, the longing.. it is physical, mental and spiritual...

I do hope you will find that peace ... I know the journey is not a linear one, but filled with hills and valleys.. but if we all keep moving forward... perhaps we will find some peace... and our loves will be closer to us than every before..

hugs, Karen
Chris' aunt