Am I scared? (long)

[Rebecca]

A little background.  We talked about a trip for our 40th anniv. with our daughter and Jason.  He died in our 38th year.  We decided to take the trip but the first summer was too soon and now we are a few days away from a trip to Alaska. ok.. so, on Sun I layed in a pool for 4 hrs. with sunscreen.  Mon I woke with a horrible rash, just thought it was sun pois.  It got increasingly worse.  Tues. called Dr. went over.  She said didn't think it was anything but called a dermotologist because of my trip. He couldn't see me until Thur. I lost it was crying, talking about the trip and planning with our son who died.  I was hysterical. My dr said benedryl and calamine.  Did that. It is much better but I am tired, think I am having a hard time breathing... lips swollen.  I am a mess and am thinking it is all emotional, afaid about the trip.  Missing Jason, two weeks away.  I had a dream of Jason last night when he was again, little.  Just plain said and anxious.  I am a mess.  thanks for listening.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

[adele]

Dear Rebecca,

I understand completely maybe you should tell your family and you talk through your fears of going on the trip or make a decision to cancel.

I too have some sort of skin lesions that come mainly on my ears and neck when I am extra stressed about something going on. Two weeks ago I had that  and it felt like mumps. I went on into work but felt pretty yucky but I am manager so I need to be there.

Please take it easy. Take one moment and one breath at a time. Remeber Jason's spirit and let it calm you. Sending cyber hugs to you.

Adele- Mom to Thomas(Forever Four) and Robert( getting ready to turn thirteen

[MelissaCharliesMom]

Since Charlie died I have been fighting an on again off again battle with severe psoriasis that the Dr. says is totally stress induced. Be sure that your symptoms are checked and rechecked it almost sounds like an allergic reaction to something, but it could also be the emotional stress.
As far as the trip goes I know all too well how difficult it is...remember we jst returned from our cross country journey that was originally planned before the accident. I can only say my experience as scary and difficult as it was, was a spectacular one. And we are so glad we made the trip.
Please know I am thinking of you.

[quint906]

Rebecca,

I'm going through something similar except that mine is an unusual mole (?) under my arm.  It's grown quite a bit in the last two months and tomorrow, I'll try once again to make an appointment.

4 years ago today, Cory tried a suicide attempt.  Prior to that day, a doctor (a walk-in clinic doctor) gave him Paxil.  Cory went to get something for anxiety and the doctor gives him Paxil!  Needless to say, it totally screwed up his chemical balance.  The doctor never made an appointment for a follow up appt.  With Cory's separation from his wife, this was the start of a spiral that took Cory's life.

Last night, I pulled out the container that I have with all the things from the day Cory left me and his memorial.  Very painful but I needed to do it.  I just wanted to feel and smell the last items of Cory's life.  This must be a time in my life that I'm losing it.  Deep inside of me, I want to scream, break something, do anything to try to let this pain out.

I will still keep it together because it's what's expected of me.  Still taking one minute, one hour and one day at a time.

You'll be in my thoughts.  I know how hard it is to go forward without remembering the past.

Jo

[Wadesmom]

Rebecca Jason's Mom,

Thinking of you and hoping that you heal quickly from the horrible rash that developed a couple of days ago.  How irritating.
I can understand why this trip would be a kaleidoscope of thoughts, feelings and emotions.  My thoughts are with you-

Take care

Wadesmom

[Katie--Adam's Mom]

((((Rebecca)))))

I am so very sorry you are going through this.  Whether it be anxiety or from an allergic reaction or whatever, I hope you will consider getting checked out by a doctor today just to be on the safe side.  Take good care and try to enjoy the trip and time with your daughter.  Be in the moment with her and know that Jason is always with you.

Love and hugs,
Katie

[lainie]

I'm also hoping that you're better quickly, Rebecca!
Elaine (Brynnie's mom)

[Brenda(Jessica's Mom)]

((( Rebecca))) I hope youe feel better soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jeanneb]

Now Sis, You have me a little worried.  I don't like what I'm reading, take yourself to the doc and find out what is going on.  It certainly can be induced by stress but it sure sounds like you are allergic to something especially with the lips swelling.  At the same time it also sounds like you are having a high level of anxiety and some panic.  He can give you something for all this.

I know you have had this trip on your mind for quite a while and wrestling within yourself on if going was the right thing to do.  I understand maybe why you would wrestle with going.  It is something you planned when your family still included Jason.  Jason is still apart of this, it is just so very tough cause he is not physically here as you had always thought he would be.  It hurts honey, I know how much it hurts.   Just my opinion for whatever it might be worth, I think you need to go with what you have planned.  I really believe in my heart that your precious son Jason would want the family to go as planned.  You say you are afraid about the trip, ask yourself what is it exactly that frightens you?  Maybe that will help.

Give yourself permission to have a good time.  It is ok.  It is alright to laugh again, to smile and to also be sad on this trip.  I hope more than anything you go and you let Jason's love carry you and feel his presence as you forge through the water on your cruise and take in every breath taking scene and let yourself bask in the great glory of mother nature and know that Jason is right beside you all along the way.

I have rarely had a dream where Philip was the age he died.  Most all are of him as a little boy.  I choose to believe that he comes to me in those dreams so young because it was such a joyous time.  Oh it brings a smile to think back when he was little and those darn twinkling eyes that let him get away with whatever he wanted.  I'm sure Jason got away with his fair share with mom, too.

You hold on tight and please please email me or something and let me know that you are ok and this rash thing is improving.

Love and hugs,
Jeanne

[Lonnie]

Rebecca: I have had sun poisoning twice in my life, and with the swollen lips, etc. yours surely sounds like it. My whole face swelled and looked awful. I had to hide out for 4 days. At any rate, I also think you are feeling high anxiety. It is probably so difficult to actually contemplate taking this trip without Jason.  Because the trip idea was so intertwined with Jason being a part of it, you are probably feeling extreme grief and panic because of it. But if you are able, please try and go. Perhaps you can have some time to relax, and that may be what you need most of all. I am so sorry for all you are going through. This has been a particularly rough time for you. My prayers and hugs are with you, Lonnie (Main Board)

[Dena]

(((Rebecca))) - I am so sorry that you are going through this.  I hope you will get checked out by your doctor just to be on the safe side.  It could be sun poisoning, or an allergic reaction to something else, or severe anxiety.

Please take good care of you.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

[Dottie (Tammie's Mom)]

Dear Rebecca,

I am so very sorry your you are having such a hard time right now. I do understand making plans without our children is such a hard thing to do.
I hope your trip to Alaska is peaceful I know the scenery will be beautiful.

Hoping your rash clears up and brings some comfort to you all around.

BIG HUG,
Dottie Tammie's Mom

[Karen Paul]

Rebecca

I cannot add to what others here have told you.. all I wanted to say is that I'm thinking of you and hope you're feeling better soon.. and if you go on your trip (which I hope you do).. I think you will find that Jason goes with you anyway.. the joy, and the sorrow are with us.. no matter where we go.. because we carry our loves in our hearts..

big hugs, Karen

[momofwatsonx]

I can so relate with you, we decided to go to Ohio, to visit my husbands family, i was nervous and everthing when we got there, but i convienced that when i came home that every thing would be back to normal,    'EVERYTHING'   as we started getting closer to Texas the more panic attacks i started having, and i made my husband stop at a motel 4 times coming home  (we only stop once in kentucky going)    i ralized that it wasnt going to be normal that my Josh would be here waiting on me, it is a hard time, had blood work done and my levels are all out of wack,   it is strange what your body does trying to protect its self


missing my son and wishing he was here!!!!!
love you alll   momofwatsonx