Author Topic: I am so sad lately.  (Read 7543 times)

Brenda(Jessica's Mom)

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I am so sad lately.
« on: July 04, 2007, 08:30:19 PM »
Thats all I can say. 3 years this should be getting easier, shouldnt it??
« Last Edit: July 04, 2007, 08:32:31 PM by Brenda(Jessica's Mom) »

MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #1 on: July 04, 2007, 08:40:24 PM »
We just passed the 3 year mark and I posted the same thing the other day. I hear so many talk of the pain lightening, the grief getting "softer". It hasnt for me, it is the same and sometimes worse then before. I dont know what we are supposed to do to make it "easier", I wish there was an answer, I wish I could turn back the hands of time and change it for all of us! Know I am sorry and understand..sending strength and peace.

Brenda(Jessica's Mom)

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #2 on: July 04, 2007, 08:50:41 PM »
Thanks Melissa..  I appreciate the fact that im not alone in my feelings. Some days I think this is harder now than it was when she first died.

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2007, 05:34:15 AM »
I am approaching 2 years and I don't find it has softened at all. The hole in my heart just keeps getting bigger.

I hope for all of us that at some point we can find that oft place.

Dottie Tammie's Mom :'(

Karen Paul

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2007, 05:59:58 AM »
Brenda

I do not know that anyone can tell another when things "should" be getting easier.. or softer.. every person's grief is so individual..

I am always amazed at how well both Chris' parents seem to "function".. and yet I know that is not necessarily any indication of how they are feeling on the inside.. I hear them both laugh on occasion now, after 3 years almost 8 mos... but I also never hear that special little giggle that my brother and Chris seemed to share, haven't heard that since Chris left.. and the sparkle in both Amy and Brian's eyes has dimmed.. dimmed by grief and longing.. only those of us who know them well would probably notice it..

Know that you and your beautiful Jessica are in my thoughts..
Karen


Donnys Dad

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #5 on: July 05, 2007, 08:01:50 AM »
Brenda, I too heard it would get softer, Not for me anyway.  I just passed Donny's 3 year mark on June 13 and I think if anything it was harder.  The tears are still there everyday now for 1,117 days now.

Yesterday I had a total breakdown again as I looked at the yard and saw all the good times we had playing baseball and horseshoes.  Now the yard is empty as is my life.

Brenda, I guess I am trying to say that I totally understand what you are saying.  Jessica is such a beautiful girl.
I Miss You So Much Buddy, My Best Friend, My Tiger

Don, Donny's Proud Dad


sarah

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #6 on: July 05, 2007, 11:08:52 AM »
after about five years, I noticed it was "easier"  Easier, but never, ever easy.  Just easier in the sense that grief did not consume our entire lives, and other, more joyful things, could compete for my attention.  Grief feels as complicated as ever, just not as dominating.  At three years I have very distinct memories of being far enough away from my grief to being forced to live my life, and trying so hard put everything behind me, and to make myself be happy, and never really succeeding.

Still, though my life is much better than it was those early days, I still feel like I straddle two worlds.  The fact that I will eventually finish my time in this one and move on to the next is not longer the slightest bit alarming, sometimes I even look forward to it.

Wishing for you little bits of joy and peace, where ever you can find them....Sarah

lainie

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #7 on: July 05, 2007, 12:35:37 PM »
I just hit the six month mark on July 2nd, and it's getting worse, not easier.
Elaine
My beautiful Brynn
Dec. 14/94 - Jan. 2/07

Dena

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #8 on: July 05, 2007, 03:23:29 PM »
(((Brenda))) - There is no time table for grief.  It did soften for me somewhat after the 3rd year, but every summer the grief comes right back.  It is diffferent for everyone. 

I have had good moments this year, but the lows are VERY low. 

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

Jeanneb

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #9 on: July 06, 2007, 04:45:24 AM »
Coming up on 4 years in a few weeks and it has gotten better for me.  You know there is no specific time and I've been thinking that you also have been going through having another driver in your house.  I'd imagine that would also be a very heavy time for you.  Philip was my baby and I just don't know how I would do if I had to go through another learning to drive.  We lost our precious kids to motor vehicles it is so hard to see our other kids drive away from the house and then for you starting from square one.  It is just dang scary.

Hold on tight Brenda, one day you just notice things are changing, can't really tell you when.

Love and hugs,
Jeanne

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #10 on: July 06, 2007, 07:17:04 AM »
(((((Brenda))))),
Three years is small compared to this LIFETIME journey that we have been asked to take. Many of us remain in "shock or a numb" state of mind for several days, months or years. As stated by so many...there is NO TIMETABLE for grief. Even with softer and even peaceful moments along this journey, the waves of grief come over and hit without mercy or compassion.
Just know that we are her for you as well as each other and walk hand-in-hand and heart-to-heart along the "journey of grief".

Thinking of you and your beautiful Jessica,
John
Wishing You All Continuous Comfort & Peace,
John-Danielle Marie’s Daddy
1/4/95-2/20/06 (head trauma-motor vehicle accident)
“Her friendship was an inspiration, her love a blessing”

Wadesmom

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #11 on: July 06, 2007, 09:19:16 AM »
Brenda, (Jessica's Mom)

My thoughts are with you.
 I have no words, I have not reached the 1 year mark yet and am still in a state of disbelief and shock that our son is no longer on earth with us.

I am thinking of you.

Take care

Wadesmom

Brenda Taylors Mom

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #12 on: July 06, 2007, 11:30:23 AM »
((((((( Brenda))))))))))))) I understand what you are saying... it will be 3 years in Oct and I keep thinking it has to get better, there has to come a point where u feel more happy than sad, but sadly I haven't gotten there either. Let's hold on together.
Love
Brenda

CRCmom

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #13 on: July 06, 2007, 05:02:09 PM »
Brenda,

I have also been very very sad lately.  Depressed and crying constantly.  It will be three years next February for Christian.  It hasn't gotten easier at all for me.  I work and come home and work and come home.  I cry some days through out the day at work, but never does a day go by that I don't cry.  Like Don said, I have no life.  I don't know what to do with myself when I am not working anymore.  I know that everyone's grief is different, but I know that we all here understand the depth and complete unatural grief and pain that we unfortunately share. 

I pray for you and Jessica and for all of us that the "moments" of peace will come more often.



LOVE AND GRACE ON THE JOURNEY,
PAULA


Rebecca

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Re: I am so sad lately.
« Reply #14 on: July 07, 2007, 12:59:57 PM »
Sad and empty.. that's it.  As I have written on here, I am trying but it hurts to wear one face on the outside and be different on the inside.  It almost feels like a mental illness in that there are two completely separate actions taking place and I feel I cannot control either one of them very well. I guess the only thing we can do is take it one second, minute, hour, day at a time till we read a level of understanding of who we are now.  Jessica is such a beautiful girl. 
Rebecca Jason's Mom