Almost Time to Wear My Different Face

[Rebecca]

We are going to a BBQ.  It is with really good friends but I have to wear a different  face.  We talk about Jason.  That is not the issue, but hearing about everyone elses' joys makes me sadder than sad.  I can talk about my daughter but not my son.  I want to scream... he is dead and we are not talking about the pain and suffering we are feeling... but I can't and I don't  because they know and they don't know what to do for us other than keep us close and say things about Jason.  I know this doesn't make too much sense.  Just Friday night, one of our friends said that his daugter's bil had a stroke 20 years old.  I said I don't think I know him.  Friend said... the young man who was at our house for Christmas Eve.  He was just like Jason... friendly, outgoing, polite and funny, real funny.  I always looked hima and thought of Jason.  I thought that was very special to say so, they do think of Jason and do say things but the talking about inane stuff gets more and more difficult. But, I go because, by not going I am not honoring his memory.  He would be out having a fun time and would only want us to.  So, I tell myself.  He was not a mother or father... but I go.
Rebecca, Jason's Mom

[LuAnn]

Oh, Rebecca, I know exactly what you mean. I have kept myself to mostly family gatherings because I just can't take the small talk. I find myself wanting to scream don't you people understand that the pain never goes away; that  I constatnly think of them.

Know that you are not alone,
LuAnn

[Sharon - Dawn's Mom]

Dear Rebecca,
Almost time to wear that different face...how sad it is that we feel that way, but how true.  We go because our kids would want us to go.  Go and have a good time, but how hard it is to have a good time.  I am holding you close in my heart today as you go to your BBQ.  I will be thinking of Jason and the rest of our kids, hope they are having a big BBQ together in heaven.   

We didn't have any family or friends get together this Memorial weekend and I'm glad. It's always so hard to put on that different face! 

Love and Hugs,
Sharon - Dawn's Mom Forever

[Donnys Dad]

Rebecca I must give you so much credit for being able to do what you do.  You force yourself to go to things like the BBQ in Jason's honor and that is terrific. I know it is helping you to get thru all this by getting out.  Right after Donny left us we were invited to two separate picnics and went as they were good friends.  I couldn't stand any more.  They talked all day about their sons and what they were doing.  Then the sons came and I have to admit I was so jealous.  It hurt so bad....

From then on we have gone no where.  Again this holiday we will sit on the deck and have some hamburgers and hot dogs.  Think of the good old days when the family was all together in the back yard playing baseball, etc.  Then the day will be over, Thank God.

Please try to enjoy and relax a little.  I am proud of you, even though I know it hurts you and your husband.

[JenKellisMom]

I was thinking these very things.  What an exhausting weekend it was!  I went to a bridal shower on Sunday and it took me all day yesterday to decompress.  Its a lot of work putting "that face" on.

[Dottie (Tammie's Mom)]

It is always so hard to wear that mask. I know I do it all the time, rarely do I let my true true feelings show. It is so hardnd so unfair.

Thinking of you,
Dottie Tammie's Mom