My dear friend (((Don))),
You have been such a tremendous comfort and inspiration to me over the past two years; I hope that I can provide you with some comfort today. I feel your pain and anguish, you still have so much pain and sorrow in your heart from the horrible memory of your wonderful son, Donny’s death, I pray that in time that pain will subside to allow hope to replace doubt and you will feel your son Donny, who never left your side. In the meantime, I will continue to pray for you both and I can't wait for that wonderful day when you feel Donny once again.
Your pain is still too new. You cannot and will not be able to see through that until your heart (not your mind) is ready. In my own humble opinion…and hopes, I think the door opens when we are able to accept that our children NEVER LEFT. It is also my own opinion that we NEVER have to accept that our angels are 'gone' because they aren't. They are right here with us, every single day. Be patient with yourself and know that it will all become clear when your pain subsides enough to allow you to get your mind around it. But none of that work can be done until your heart is ready. Clear your thoughts, all you should be thinking of is the wonderful life you and your son, Donny shared. There is absolutely no thought involved in accepting that he is still with you. That will happen when your heart, mind and soul are in sync. Right now your heart is full of pain, your mind is desperate for answers and your soul is broken.
One day your heart will let hope in, your mind will have faith in what you know to be true and so your soul will be free of doubt and acceptance will creep in. At that time you will feel the love of your son who never left your side. For now, have patience with yourself, embrace the pain and move through it at your own speed.
Moving through it does NOT mean that you are leaving it behind. Moving through it is a journey to finding what the agony is really about. If you were to sit down and write down a list of things that are causing you pain and agony today, one of those things may be that you miss having him near. I know that this is one of the struggles for me.
I feel that your pain and anguish over the death of your son appears to be selfish (mine is too), remember to reach out to your family and especially your wife. She is also in tremendous pain and needs you to provide her comfort over the death of Donny. Perhaps you should both try to attend a support group (if you have not done so yet)…IT REALLY HELPS! Share your feelings, talk, take walks, and tell her that you love her too. She LOVES you VERY MUCH!!!
Don, Take Care & I will pray for you,
John