Author Topic: it doesn't seem fair  (Read 3455 times)


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it doesn't seem fair
« on: April 19, 2007, 07:13:04 PM »
' it has been only 18 days for me and they feel like the longest 18 days of m life.   We were together for 31 years and have know each other sinc 18 yrs old... how do you keep from just giving up, throwing your hands up and say please take me also.   i can' get through the day because i can't sleep through the night--- i feel responsible for his death

I have not touch anything that belonged to him - arranged the funeral so fast and it came and went without even remembering it---

i don't have a lot of family support--really just my mother who is elderly--i think i am more worried about her than she me.   i have a car out front with a flat bills??  only what was already set up on my computer---

Karen Paul

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Re: it doesn't seem fair
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2007, 05:54:40 AM »
Timeless.. I'm so so sorry to hear about the loss of your love.. there are not enough words to offer comfort at a time like this.. and 18 days is so short a time.. I'm sorry to hear that you don't have much family support.. are there friends you could get to help for a while? It is so hard to function when you are in shock and your whole world has been turned upside down..

Remember that we are always here.. to listen, to share, to try to help in whatever way we can from far away.. you are not alone, though the journey through grief often feels very lonely..

Thinking of you and your love today.. with many hugs,
proud aunt of Christopher


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Re: it doesn't seem fair
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2007, 03:22:56 PM »
I remember it took me a week to take his clothes out of the white plastic bag from the hospital.  I could not move his cosmetics from the bathroom vanity.  I had just done the laundry but I could not put his clothes away.  The books he was reading are still on the night stand.  His glasses, cell phone, and wallet are still on his dresser.

It seems I just can't bring myself to move them.  I guess it is a part of denial.  I know he is not coming back, but I can't do it yet!  What is wrong with me?  As I am writing this, I can feel my stomach starting to feel itchy-goomey! 

Thank God I don't cry everyday anymore.  I do still cry, it is just not everyday.  And thank God that awful anxiety is not plaguing me! 

I will pray that each day comes softer for you!  I am here if you need to talk!


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Re: it doesn't seem fair
« Reply #3 on: April 30, 2007, 07:13:34 PM »
I love this Revelation 21:4 God will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more nor mourning nor PAIN be anymore. This helps. God has promised to all of us.


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Re: it doesn't seem fair
« Reply #4 on: April 30, 2007, 10:29:59 PM »
why do we have to move our loved ones things so soon. i have not done anything either. it's been one month. i've given my son his fathers leathers and he gets his Harley when it's out of probate but any thing else is still the same as when he left. well except for his laptop that i use all the time. i don't want to let his things go yet. i'm not ready..
When i'm ready i will but now it gives me comfort to have things remain the same. so much of my life has changed that to keep his things in our home right now is good for me and that's all that matters Right.

it's not denial Pat B.. it's keeping your loved one with you for a little while longer.That's all. To see that every thing is still in it's place is a comfort if ya think about it.

I'm taking my time with this one.. everyone has their own time when they finally let it all go.
when we are ready we will.. and not a minute sooner. don't let anyone push you till you are ready...
magic happens


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Re: it doesn't seem fair
« Reply #5 on: May 01, 2007, 05:40:25 AM »
Timless, I am so sorry for your loss.  I t just sucks. I was with mine since I was 14 and married at 18... 43 years ago. I am so glad you found this site so quickly. I just did a few weeks ago.
You haven't had time to process what has happened and the decisions you make will be the right ones for you. We go through this journey at our own pace and don't let anyone push you. We are all here for each other and this site has been a blessing for me. Supporting you, Crushed