Lisa,
I hear and feel your pain. But by believing in heaven and god, gives me hope and faith that I will see my brother and sister again. There are days that those beliefs are the only thing that get me through. I too have the same unanswered questions you ask. How, why would god allow this to happen. After 7 years, I realized these are questions that will never make sense at all, there is no answer for now. There was a time when I questioned god and alike. And I finally realized.....what would I loose.....If I allowed myself to believe? I realized.....nothing!!!!! Either I will see them when I pass and go on to heaven, or if there isn't a heaven we will all be the same thing, dust in the wind, with no knowledge of anything. Does that make any sense to you? Its easier to explain in person, instead of typing. I just feel there is no harm in believing.....just in case.
Not trying to persuade you to feel any different, just thought I would share my point of view.
Just know that I am thinking of you tonight as you have these feelings flood over you. I hope it helps to know someone cares. I hope you wake tomorrow with a little less weight on your shoulders.
Take Care
Middle sis