Hi Friends: I haven't lost a child, but I have found this discussion to be so helpful as to what NOT to say to grieving people. I guess mine would be..."It was just his time." NO- it wasn't-the hospital was neglectful, and he came through the triple bypass with flying colors. It was the resulting complications and mistakes that caused his death. I don't believe for a minute that 'it was his time."
Having read all the comments, I just want to say that many people just don't know WHAT to say, and sometimes we would be much better off if they DIDN'T say anything. Sometimes a hug, or an arm around the shoulder, means more than any words could. I remember telling a friend about some of the stressfull things that I had been through since last talking to her. I saw her eyes fill with tears, and that meant much more to me than anything she could have possibly said. Sometimes their presence is enough. Still, often people say things that they don't mean to, and there is no ill will meant towards us. Perhaps we can try to have some grace if the comment was well intentioned (even if lacking in understanding). And then there are others who purposely try and hurt us. And don't forget the know it alls-who have ALL the answers, but have never lost a friend or loved one. But I give credit to the people who at least come and TRY to say or do something. Others avoid death and grieving people at all costs. I have noticed that few people stop their busy lives to even attend funerals anymore. Unless a person is a celebrity or very active currently in the work force or public life, they are not likely to draw a crowd. This in no way reflects on the person, but rather on the preoccupation of our society with constant activity and busyness to the point where no one even acknowledges death. This is so sad. Still, there are exceptions where people touched many lives, and many came to pay their respects. My dad worked as service manager at a car dealership, and knew practically the whole town, and was loved by so many. But the turnout was not very good at his funeral. But we were SO greatful for the people who did take the time to honor him by coming to the visitation and/or funeral. We realized also that many had not seen the obituary.
I think what means so much to me is when someone acknowledges our loss, and tries in some way to express their empathy. I especially feel close to others who have experienced the death of a close loved one, as I know you do here on the Child Loss Board, as you share your sorrow over the loss of your children. Let's face it, all of us have said things we wish we hadn't, and sometimes we are not as articulate and comforting as we wish, but it's what's in the heart that counts. Hugs-Lonnie
Topic: Some Things I Hated to Hear…ADD YOURS! (Read 10570 times)
