I have not been on the site in awhile. The last time was while I was on stress leave in October. I posted quite often and was very grateful for the care and love shown to me. Going back to work and dealing with a soon to be teenager have kept my days and nights busy. I have missed my online family. Because that is how I think of each of you.
It has been a down hill struggle recently. Things are catching up to me. I miss my son. I feel the weight of this loss very heavy these days. I miss my husband. We have walked so closely and in such unison through most of the last months. We are on different planets right now. I know all of this is normal and it will ease, but it doesn't feel that way right now. I have spent a lifetime, so it seems, fighting to keep a wonderful marriage together when everyone said we would fail. He fights right along side of me. We truly do work hard together. Right now though I want to give it all up and spend my days in bed.
I know I can't do this and he tries to understand but what do you do? How do you continue to fight?
Our friends and what little family I still associate with try to keep us busy. Are they keeping us too busy? Very few weekends pass that we do not get a call from someone wanting to have us come "play". I know they do not understand and neither do I.
I do not want anyone to take care of me, I don't want to take care of myself...I just want to be.
Thanks for letting me ramble.
Michelle