Author Topic: Counseling ???  (Read 3432 times)

LuAnn

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Counseling ???
« on: March 27, 2007, 07:18:55 PM »
Have you found counseling helpful? How do you pick a really good counselor?

Debh

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Re: Counseling ???
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2007, 07:33:45 PM »
LuAnn that is a good question, how do you pick?

After 3 poor counselors and several ministers that I didn't find helpful I found a very good one and yes she was very helpful. Grief can do so much that we don't understand nor to we realize and being able to talk through our pain and all grief does to our hearts and minds I think is very helpful either with a counselor, friend, family, here at the board, anyone that gives support and understanding is helpful.

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Tom

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Re: Counseling ???
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2007, 04:14:03 AM »
Have you found counseling helpful? How do you pick a really good counselor?

LuAnn - Finding someone who can help you move through your grief is very different from finding someone is a a good therapist.  Most therapists have been taught with the assumptions of the "medical model" as the basis to their understanding of human behavior.  The medical model assumes that there is a pathological symptom and that this symptom needs to be removed.  Think of a phobia.  Once the person's fear of a spider is removed the person is declared healthy.  This is exactly what you don't want with grief.  Grief is different.  It is a normal and natural life reaction.  Nothing needs to be surgically removed.  You want to find someone not to "remove" the grief but to help you find a safe place to experience it.  This is why it is best to find someone who is experienced and trained in working specifically with grief.  Your local Compassionate Friends group or possibly your church or friends may have some recommendations about people they know to be good.

But that is not the last step.  Once you find someone who knows the ins and outs of grief and sees it as a normal life process you also need to find someone who fits for you.  The most important part of any grief therapist is someone who knows how to help you feel safe.  When you feel safe you are much more likely to be able to work with the grief and have it come up.  For this reason some people find it helpful to go to 2 or 3 grief therapists for a single session and then decide which one helped you feel comfortable and safe and which one you think would be able to help you process.   It's often not an easy decision.  Remember thaqt too much of anything can cause trouble.  Even too much safety can be an impediment.  Use your creativity and your intuition along with your common sense. 

Good luck to you in finding  someone that fits for you.
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Karen Paul

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Re: Counseling ???
« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2007, 05:54:52 AM »
LuAnn

I know Amy found a counselor through the Compassionate Friends group recommendations. She tried one and did not like that person at all. The woman basically came out and told her she could not help her. So she tried another and has been seeing that person for the past two and a half years or so. I think that Amy has found this to be very helpful for her. My brother refuses to talk to anyone who didn't know Chris, so he is just very private with his grief. Everyone's path is different.

I hope you can find what is right for you.

luv and hugs, Karen


Jeanneb

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Re: Counseling ???
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2007, 06:06:51 AM »
Yes, it has helped me tremendously over the last 3 years.  Tom has given some great advice.  But if the first you go to doesn't fit, don't give up, keep trying.  My therapist not only helps me with my grief but helps me as a whole person and when I'm ready we have also worked on family dynamics which have come forth due to grief.

I hope you give it a try.

Jeanne

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: Counseling ???
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2007, 06:14:01 AM »
Yes, I have found counseling very helpful. The counselor I go to knew Tammie so it is even easier to talk about her. I have also found that my group on bereavement is almost for me more helpful. There are times just listening to others helps. The group I found through my church but I know most funeral homes can lead you in the right direction for groups. In my area I didn't care for compassionae friends as my child was older and I found the group not very understanding. I also found this group most helpful as it is always here.

Tom has given you excellent advice.

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Marianne

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Re: Counseling ???
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2007, 05:12:42 PM »
LuAnn,

I did find Counseling helpfull at first.  I went every Wednesday at 10AM for over a year.  I will never forget the day that my Psycologist hypnotized me and I saw Alek - flying through the sky, laughing and holding my hand.  It is a vision that I will cherish every day of my life.  He also did allot of EMDR treatments with me.  That is a process that is used to treat post traumatic stress syndrome.  It is really helpful.

Good luck.
Marianne (Alek's Mom Forever)

CRCmom

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Re: Counseling ???
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2007, 08:40:44 PM »
Whomever you feel the most comfortable with.  keep looking until you find the right fit.
LOVE AND GRACE ON THE JOURNEY,
PAULA