Author Topic: He died for a phonecall  (Read 8741 times)

amy

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He died for a phonecall
« on: March 27, 2007, 12:43:44 PM »
My fiancee luke was killed in a car crash 7 months ago for those of you who dont know.

For months we have not really understood what happened, all we knew was as luke was travlling down a road he knew very well he came to the bend and for some reason he viered into the oncoming traffic and had a head on collision with a recovery truck.

Nobody has been able to tell us why until today, the phone reports came in and it sems that just before and during the time of the accident his phone rang three times from the same number ( a friend) and it would appear that luke was looking down at the phone for a spit second to see who was ringing and BANG!

I cant believe something so small has taken him away from me! I just cant get my head around it, and now I have this horrible bubbling feeling inside everytime the friend that rang him is mentioned.

I know dep down they didnt know luke was driving and that there was nothing they could do but still at the same time I think well if they hadnt kept ringing he would never had crashed! I am really beating myself up over the resentment I feel towards them because I know its wrong but I just cant help it.

This news has completely blown my head today, I feel as though I am right back at the beginning on the day he died, its almost unbearable.

PAT B

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2007, 08:19:22 PM »
Isn't it awful, we say we want to know the whys, and then when we know, WHAM, we are back in the puddle of pain!  When the doctor said Eric had that heart attack on Saturday, when he was complaining about heart burn-I felt so guilty that I did not insist that he go to the doctor sooner!

Someone here told me that he had a mind of his own and minimized the danger signs, and not to blame myself.

Luke knew the dangers of using the phone while driving, could have waited until he was at a stop.  But you know we never think about those little things, we never think anything bad is going to happen, we/he probably had done the same thing a thousand time with nothing happenning.

There is nothing wrong with being angry and resentful.  It is our body and subconscious's way of helping us deal with the shock.   It is normal what you are feeling.

Lonnie

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #2 on: March 28, 2007, 03:12:31 AM »
Just wanted to add that the more I see how many accidents are caused by cell phones, the more I wonder why their use while driving was ever allowed. Yes, I am guilty of answering them also! But don't we have enough distractions already? In fact, in our town, all the billboards are fast becoming animated and look like movie screens! Pretty soon, no one will ever be able to focus on the road as there are just too many things to cause our eyes to wander. Driving is a dangerous endeavor without all these other things thrown into the mix. My husband uses the headset (he is a busy lawyer) but I have noticed that even the headset can be a distraction. Why did we ever allow this to happen? Our society is so crazy! We have to do 55 things at once while we are driving? I just get so angry about it. We are all at risk for having an accident or causing one. You are so normal to feel anger or anxiety when you hear this person's name. Of course, he never meant to harm Luke, but your feelings are part of the "if onlys" that we all go through. What all of us wouldn't do for a few more minutes, hours, or days to change everything. But we are looking back on it now, having all the information. At the time, things just happened and we were not in control. I am so sorry for the anguish you are feeling today and your title of "He Died For A Phone Call" sent shivers through me. Perhaps you have brought this to the attention of all of us who think we MUST answer the phone or make a call while driving. Thank you. Please know that your feelings are normal. I am so sorry for your loss.  Hugs-Lonnie
« Last Edit: March 29, 2007, 03:54:12 AM by Lonnie »

Karen Paul

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2007, 06:22:23 AM »
Amy

I can't add anything to what Pat and Lonnie have said.. just want to say I'm so sorry for your pain and renewed anguish... it seems that along this journey there are things that bring us to our knees once more and back to the beginning..

Holding you in my heart today.

Karen
proud aunt of Christopher

amy

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2007, 12:08:20 PM »
Today i got the phone back from the police.

I have been all through the phone and found just one message from luke to myself it read :- Sorry baby didnt mean what i said earlier, i love you baby always remember that, we will have a cuddle when i get back, love ya

How strange that this should be the only message on the phone to me, of course i must of recieved this message along time ago but i dont remember it. Going through his phone reading that message it has sent me all the way back again, this is slowly but surely killing me, the pain the loss the lonliness, i want to stand in the middle of the street and scream at the top of my lungs break down and cry shout his name do something!! but i know that nothing i do will change any of this, he has gone forever and never again will i hear his voice see his face or touch his skin, my baby has gone and thats the end of it.

Thank you for all your replys.

PAT B

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2007, 04:15:39 PM »
Oh Amy,
I am so sorry you are having so much anguish.  That is a state that nothing anyone can say will make you feel better.  Unfortunately you are going to have to go through it.  I wish there was another way, but there isn't.   How lovely that message was there for you!  I would love to have received that message.  It kind of solidifies the love between the two of you no matter what!

I plug in Eric's phone just to her his voice on his voice mail.  Whenever I hear that big booming voice I just fall to my knees and want him back so bad.  Like you I know there is no way ever he wil be coming back.  So I grab myself up and try to focus on what things I loved about him.

Yes this makes me cry, but for some reason, it does make me feel better.  I am here if you need to talk more about the love of your life being gone

amy

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #6 on: March 29, 2007, 12:06:04 PM »
Pat B, thank you for your reply.

Im sorry i know the last message was quite stressed! Im just having a really bad few days at the minute, there is never a good day but some are definately worse than others.
I miss him soooo much, the pain is just so unbearable that horrible twisting feeling in my chest and the sick feeling to the pit of my stomach.
Sometimes i feel like i am going to go mad with thoughts of him.
Every litle thing seems to kick me off at the minute, one minute i just feel like killing someone the next im in a heap on the floor sobbing so hard i cant breath.
Seven months, i thought i might start to feel better but its just as bad now as it ever was.
Some days i just loose all hope for everything.
Thanks for your support pat

Karen Paul

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #7 on: March 29, 2007, 02:16:05 PM »
Amy and Pat B
Thinking of you both and the pain and hurt you are going through.. so sorry it is so painful.. wish there were words to make it better.. know that i care.

Karen

rachel

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #8 on: April 30, 2007, 07:21:02 PM »
"All those in the memorial tombswill......come out" John 5:28,29 God will make this happen very soon. He can not lie.
 Rachel

Crushed

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #9 on: April 30, 2007, 07:32:16 PM »
I am so sorry for all of the pain you are going through and it seems it will never end.  All i can do is agree with other posters and give you my support. You are so lucky to have that message. Alot of us would love to hear our loved ones voice again. Thinking of you, Crushed

pattie40

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #10 on: April 30, 2007, 09:49:54 PM »
I'm so sorry that the pain is coming back again. Treasure his last message to you.
i wish i had one like it.

Cell phones are such a bad thing when driving. it is outlawed in my state.but then again people will still answer their phone anyway. i guess that they feel that not missing a message is worth the danger they put themselve in. i have a cell phone but only make calls when i need to. noone has the number. it is not turned on.

i hate text messages.. i hate cell phones really. it's cheaper to use a land line.

peace out
pattie
magic happens

Dewayne

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #11 on: May 01, 2007, 05:35:16 AM »
I just wanted you to know that I am praying for you in this difficult time.

Sthom526

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #12 on: May 01, 2007, 08:56:06 AM »
I am so sorry it has brought you back to this place, but I hope it will help you heal with more peace and answers. I know how it is when you lose someone in an instant. It's almost hard to believe it REALLY happened. It can make you so angry thinking how something so trivial like a phone can cause so much pain.

I have learned that it's the little things that can make the biggest waves. Think about that too with the little GOOD things in life. They can be what help you heal. The little good things can be memories or little habbits your fiance had that will keep his memory alive in you for years to come.

PAT B

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #13 on: May 01, 2007, 08:11:39 PM »
Just wanted to drop a line or two and see how you are doing?  I hope that you are having better days.  This mourning thing has thrown me for a loop over and over.  You are in my prayers

LornaL02

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Re: He died for a phonecall
« Reply #14 on: May 03, 2007, 04:27:25 PM »
I'm sorry, Amy.