Tara,
My heart goes out to you, I too have lost a brother to murder. Murder is a loss that is beyond most peoples comprehension and unless you have experienced it you can't even begin to imagine the pain, sorrow and anger that follows. Not getting to say goodbye only adds to the anguish. Sudden and tragic deaths (in my opinion) are much harder to deal with. It's understandable that you are having a hard time dealing with this type of loss. My advice, is to try to find some way to release everything that you are holding inside. I held everything inside for way too long and tried to be strong. I finally gave in about a year later and went to counseling. That helped me find some coping skills that have really helped me through the really tough times.
Do they know who committed the crime? Have you been through any on the
legal process yet? Sorry to ask so many questions, but I know what you are dealing with and how hard it is. If you need to vent or to talk to someone who understands, I'm just a message away. Again, I'm so sorry for that you have lost your brother in such a tragic way!! Take Care!