Author Topic: why do I do the things I do?  (Read 4525 times)

middle sis

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why do I do the things I do?
« on: March 13, 2007, 08:19:05 PM »
Found myself looking at old archives of my brother and sisters car accident tonight.  Why do I do that? All it did was leave me angry and sad. I have no explanation to my thoughts. I miss them terribly. They have missed so much.....I have missed so much. It has aged my parents,  They are still young but I feel they are so fragile. My brother and sister never met my son, or seen my two girls grow. Feeling really down tonight. Just needed someplace to vent and put my thoughts into words. Thanks for the ear!
Middle sis

Lonnie

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Re: why do I do the things I do?
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2007, 11:57:31 PM »
It's strange, isn't it-the things we do? I think sometimes we just feel the need to revisit that time in some way. The other night I was finally able to get into a computer file I had of the updates that I had sent out on my dad, after his triple bypass and the resulting complications. It was interesting to read my thoughts again as it all played out, and tragic knowing what the outcome would be at this point. For some reason it made me feel connected to him again, but also angry at the hospital, and emotionally wrung out reading it all again. Still I know it won't be the last time. I think all of it is normal (if there is such a thing.) Wishing you peace and comfort. Love, Lonnie

Sad Eyes

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Re: why do I do the things I do?
« Reply #2 on: March 14, 2007, 06:14:36 AM »
Hey Middlesis,

You are not alone in your need (and I call it a need, because it's something that you can't stop yourself from doing) to relive a horrible time in your life.  Speaking for myself, I think I go over and over my brother's murder and the trial to get rid of the anger that in always present. It's like a valve, I have to let off steam every now and then or I might just explode. I usually feel worse at the time and then a few days later I feel like a load has been lifted from mys shoulders.  I am finding as time passes these episodes are getting fewer, maybe I am just finally going to accept what has happend and begin to properly heal.

I am so sorry that you are going through a down period right now.  I know how miserable that must make you feel.  I always have a shoulder for you to lean on or an ear to lend you.  Take care, I hope better days are ahead for you soon.

PAT B

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Re: why do I do the things I do?
« Reply #3 on: March 14, 2007, 06:51:53 PM »
You know I keep reading his obituary over and over.  I read his ulogy over and over, as if I don't know the facts about his life, or how he lived his life.  Sometimes I am caught up in unbelievable pain and sometimes a smile comes to my face remembering something quirky or funny about him.

When I watch shows that we use to watch together sometimes I remember the things he said about the show and I cry, cry hard because it hurts to know I will never hear his voice again.

Then other times I will remember something funny he said about the show, or I'll think about what he would have said about what is happening in the show at the moment, and I will laugh out loud, alone, because I know exactly what he would have said.

I'm not sure either why we do some of the things we do, but we do.

We are all in this together!  If you need to talk, I am here

middle sis

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Re: why do I do the things I do?
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2007, 08:23:05 PM »
Thank you all so much! At least I'm not crazy and if I am we all are....lol!! Some times I am to hard on myself, after 7 years I think I shouldn't be having melt downs anymore. But I guess maybe I will always have "those days".
I am doing much better today. Thanks again, I feel all of your support around me.
Middle sis