Almost a year

[Matts little sister]

JParks,
All I can say is I will be thinking of you.  It's been almost 8 months since I lost my brother suddenly.  I can't imagine what you are feeling having to go through multiple losses.  Just know you will be in my thoughts and prayers.  And as Lauren said, I hope you can surround yourself with people who will be there for you.  I will be thinking of you.
Courtney

[Karen Paul]

JParks - I'm so so sorry to hear about your sweet brother and now your girlfriend.. two major losses in such a short time frame is just too much to bear.. there are not  enough words to express the sadness.. I do hope you know that you are not alone and you can always come here..

It has been almost 4 years since my nephew Chris was killed at the age of 16 by a hit and run driver and i can safely say that grief is a long road.. it takes a toll on every aspect of your life.. you are not going crazy, you are grieving... give yourself time and just breathe.. one moment, one day at a time.. sometimes that is all we can do..

there's a song I'd like to share with you - which offers me some comfort on occasion -

I Believe
by Diamond Rio
Album: Completely

Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it’s like you haven’t been gone a moment from my side
Like the tears were never cried
Like the hands of time are holding you and me
And with all my heart I’m sure we’re closer than we ever were
I don’t have to hear or see, I’ve got all the proof I need
There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe

Chorus
That when you die your life goes on
It doesn’t end here when you’re gone
Every soul is filled with light
It never ends and if I’m right
Our love can even reach across eternity
I believe, I believe

Forever, you’re a part of me
Forever, in the heart of me
And I’ll hold you even longer if I can
The people who don’t see the most
Say that I believe in ghosts
And if that makes me crazy, then I am
‘Cause I believe

There are more than angels watching over me
I believe, I believe

I believe in you.. sending you big hugs,
Karen, proud aunt of Christopher

[Robyn]

JParks,

There are no words I can say that will make this better.
I understand how hard it is to lose two loved ones in short periods of time. I lost my dad to lung cancer in August 06 and just as my mom sister and I were starting to work through our grief, my sister died very suddenly in child birth(she lost her baby too).
Be proud of every baby step you take.   Getting up every day is a big enough feat in itself.
I have a great support system that I am very thankful for however, talking to a complete stranger(grief counsellor) really helped me too.
Take care and take one day at a time,
Robyn

[Geraldine]

I am so sorry about your losses, sometimes tears will come and it is difficult to control them, it is the way our body and mind react to our deep pain, it is also healing even when at the time we have this feeling that we are falling even further and that there is no point in anything.

I can relate to what you are saying and everyone on the board would have had a similar experience, we try so hard to keep going and try to understand why our loved ones had to die, we want to honour their life and keep going however it is difficult to find any interest or motivation, like you said we not only lose the ones we love but if we had any beliefs in anything it is also shaken.


Tears will still come, even when a few years have already passed, the memories will surface we just look at them in a new light, we understand how rich we are for them, sure the loss will never fade from our mind, we will always miss them, however they have given us so much and we must do something with the gifts of our loved ones, we must try to live. It is what our loved ones would want for us.

I found myself cornered inside myself and I went to see a psychologist, it might sound strange however it did help, she made me look at things in a different way, not that it takes the pain away it just help to deal with the immediate, it is so important to be able to talk.

With kind thoughts

[Lonnie]

I also sought counseling. It really helps, as Geraldine said, to have a different perspective. Sometimes I was not thinking clearly, and I gained new insights about all of it, by talking through my grief. Please let us know how you are. Hugs-Lonnie

[Jparks]

The last 3 days have been odd. I havent been sad or shed a tear once. Whats that mean? Its like my grief vanished. That makes me worried that my mind is sheltering me from the pain of it all. I hope its normal. Anyone else have this happen to them within a week and half after losing someone very close?

[Lonnie]

JParks-I feel pretty sure that what you are feeling is shock. Numbness is a protective way for our bodies to react to extreme trauma and loss. Grief feelings tend to come and go in waves. Sometimes the grief is much worse a little farther down the road. So yes, it's normal. Big Hugs-Lonnie

[Jparks]

Well it has been a month since my most recent death and I have been told to pretty much get over it by my roommate and my dad. I suppose if you have more than just one person tell you that, it is time to move on. Seems to soon to "get over it", but I work for my dad and he is tired of me not giving it my all at work. I do not wish to be enabled here, but I am curious on any of your thoughts on this matter. The girl who died was my recent ex-girlfriend, but also my best friend and my soulmate. So why should I have to get over it so soon and how the heck does one go about getting voer something that soon?

[Lonnie]

JParks: I can say with total certainty that there is NO WAY that you would "be over" the loss of your girlfriend. You will never be over it really. But in time, you will find a way to adjust to the reality of it, and it will soften. It sounds to me as though your roommate and your dad are reacting to their own needs. They seem to need you to get over this, so life can be the same as it was, for them. But it didn't happen to them! It happened to you, and this girl meant a lot to you. You shared a lot of memories and closeness, and you would not be the kind and caring person that you are, if you just "got over it." So often those around us just can't relate to the loss we feel. They want us to just act like everything is okay, but it isn't, and it isn't healthy to just shove down those emotions and act like it didn't happen. You may just have to tell them that this is a very difficult time for you, and even though you understand that they want you to act the same, you can't. You have lost someone that meant a lot to you, and you have to have time to grieve that loss. Please know we are always here to listen, and I'm so sorry for all you've been through. You are acting the way that feels right to you, and it has only been one month. Not even time to really get over the shock of her death, much less be 'back to normal."  Grief is a journey. Take it easy on yourself, and stand up to them about your need to grieve. Many hugs and prayers, Lonnie

[Jparks]

Lonnie ,you always seem to say the right things without enabling people. You don't know how many times I have just read through posts and smile at your understanding of peoples emotions. Thanks for being there and thanks to everyone here. I am so glad I found this place.

[Lonnie]

You are a sweetheart. Your story about your brother touched me deeply, and I was so sad to hear about your ex-girlfriend. You have been through so much. Thank you greatly for your kind words.  I told my husband the other day that I am the "Dear Abby" of grief discussions. I guess I'm "Dear Lonnie"  Big hugs-Lonnie