For a long time every time I closed my eyes I would see Laura going headfirst through the rear window of the car, even though I was not there when it happened. The car was hit so hard that her seat broke and fell backwards, and her seat belt, which was fastened, was cut from metal underneath the car. A state police officer said he had never seen anyone wearing a seat belt thrown from a car the way she was, but when the police and my attorney pulled the door from inside the car, the seatbelt was still fastened, but severed above where it was fastened. The police took a picture of it, and included it in the report. I did get to see her in the hospital and touch her, she was intubated but looked so sweet and tiny. I can still remember rubbing her arm, and where her arm touched her body it was still warm. I will never forget holding her that last time. The hardest thing I ever did up to that point in my life was walk out of that room and leave her, I would have stayed until they threw me out instead of just being there for about an hour, but my son had been taken to the trauma center (she was at our local hospital), and I had to get to him, not knowing what condition he was in at the time (he survived). I am at a point now where I do not imagine her being thrown as much but at times it does still sneak into my mind. Mostly now I just remember holding her, and it is bittersweet. But I do remember good things more now too, how she would hug me, and how she felt, her laughter and joy of life. Those things I will never forget. I am into my 4th year, and this past year has been my worst year, I think the numbness starts to wear off and the reality sets in. But I don't know that I will ever reach the point where my heart will ever accept what has happened.