ANGER..PAIN...& FRUSTRATIONS

[Judy Mwenya]

The anger, pain and frustration that is in me is unbearable.  It all started yesterday around 5.20 pm when I had stopped by a supermarket to buy bread, oil etc. when I noticed 2 yound girls from Mpundu's school  in Uniforms laughing with their mother while shopping and I walked down memory lane with Mpundu on my side in her uniform, laughing, and doing all sorts of things togerther while looking at the girls and their Mom until one of them noticed that my eyes were on them and alerted the Mother who in turn said hello to me. I did not answer but tears greeted her.  I told her how I missed my daughter who went to the same school as her girls how she passed on etc and left.  I was crying on my way home and didnt notice that the trafficlights were red and passed through and I was followed by a man who stopped and shouted at me that I have no brains, would have caused a terrible accident and that I was stupid, I said no word but was just in tears until I reached home.  Went straight to Bed and mourned.  This anger is still with me why it has to be Mpundu.  Why did she die Oh! my God this is unbearable, and this morning I was like stammering at work and I really do not know what to do.  This journey is horrible.

"Forever in tears"

Judy - Mpundu's Mom


 

[Lori, Alex's Mom]

My heart and love goes out to you...

Prayers for peace,

Lori, Alex's mom

[Karen Paul]

Oh Judy.. I'm so sorry.. it is so hard this journey.. and sometimes it feels so unbearable... hold on for a time and I think Mpundu will come to comfort you and let you know she is still with you right by your side..

luv and hugs from NY,
Karen

[Jeanneb]

Dear Judy,

I'm so sorry for that anger, rage.  It can certainly consume us at times.  I hope you find a way to vent some of that.  I use to go sit in my car and just scream, it helped at times.

Hold on tight and I hope you are feeling better.

Hugs,
Jeanne

[JenKellisMom]

Yes this is a horrible journey and I am so sorry you are missing your daughter so much today.  I am praying that your daughter will somehow let you know that she is with you to help you through these difficult days.

Blessings.

[Kathy]

Dear Judy,

My broken heart is crying for you and Mpundu. I understand the feelings of rage so well. I always thought if I try to do the right things and be a good person something this terrible couldn't happen to me. The angry and pain would almost overtake me. When it could really bad and crying didn't even help I would do the same thing that Jeanne did, go to my car and cry and scream. I still do it just not as everyday. I still ask at least once a day , "Why me?". "Why did my son have to die?" I know that right now there are no answers, I don't think I will find any answers in this life.

From across the ocean I am sending you hugs tonight. I hope you feel all the love Mpundu has for you .


Kathy (Don's Mom)

[Lonnie]

Judy: Hi-I am Lonnie from the Main Board, and I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. When you mentioned the man yelling at you, it reminded me of a time a man did the same thing to me when I didn't pause as long as HE thought I should at a stop sign. He got out of his car and started yelling at me. I was so humiliated, but also so angry that a stranger would treat me this way. I can only imagine how you must have felt after what you had been through, seeing the girls in their school uniform, remembering your daughter, and telling the story. It seems like some people think they are the BOSS of the world, don't they? Grieving people often are distracted and make mistakes. It seems to be part of our being overwhelmed with pain, lack of sleep, and the fact that we have problems focusing. And the pain I feel cannot even come close to the pain of losing a child. I just wanted you to know that I'm glad you're okay and that no one was hurt. Some days it seems that people are so cruel, but before long someone will come along and restore your faith in the human race. There are some very nice people in the world. They often are just not as vocal as the hurtful ones. May God comfort you and hold you close, and bring you rest and some measure of peace in the midst of your suffering. Many hugs and prayers-Lonnie

[Dottie (Tammie's Mom)]

Dear Judy,

I understand and I am so sorry. The grief just seems to come over us and suck everything out of us. One thing can bring a memory and it can takes weeks to try to get the tears to stop flowing.

It is very hard to see others with their intact families and all the laughs and smiles. One of the hardest things for me is seeing Moms and daughters out to lunch, Tammie and I did that 3 or 4 times a week I miss her so much.

Please know your in my thoughts,
Dottie Tammie's Mom