I lost my brother Matt on February 15, 2007. I am the youngest of 4 and the only girl. It has not even been 2 weeks yet. I am 26, he was 29. It was very unexpected. His girlfriend found him that morning in bed not breathing. She called my parents and they went to his house. The ambulance was there but there was not anything they could do. It was too late. They called me at work and I came home. An autopsy was done and they found fluid around his heart, his heart was enlarged and arteries were clogged. He did not have anything wrong with him that anyone knew of. I have been looking at posts on here the last several days and have been wanting to write something. It hurts to know I did not get to say goodbye-and it hurts to see my parents hurt so much-I wish there was something I could do to help them or make them feel just a bit better-but I know it is not possible. I try to spend a lot of my time with them hoping it will help some. One brother lives 3 hours away and the other has several kiddos and comes by when he gets a chance. My boyfriend and I got engaged the night before he died and I did not call him that night to tell him because it was late-I figured there will be tomorrow-but that didn't happen. I have read a lot on here about holidays etc. being hard to get through. I can only imagine what it will be like with him not being there. Like I will always feel a hole-something missing. Matt and I shared a birthday. I was born on his third birthday. I always thought it was so neat that we were born on the exact same day. I don't know how I will feel this year on our birthday. It hurts so much right now-I feel like the way I feel will never get better. You see these tragic things happen to other people and you never imagine that it will happen to you. I feel so selfish right now because I feel so bad for me and my family-knowing other people go through losses like this often. I know there will be a day where it gets easier to bear-these feelings-but I can't help but wonder when. I know every day when I wake up I will think of him. It just feels better to write on this board and know there are others who know what I'm feeling and will listen. I talk to my fiance about it and he is very helpful, he just listens and I know he is hurt too-he has known Matt for over 5 years. My friends try to help also, but I don't think they can even begin to understand-and I hope they never have to. I say it makes me feel better to know there are others who know what a loss like this feels like-but I hate it for every one of you also-I wish no one had to feel this way-but I guess it is just a part of life. I know Matt is in heaven right now and I will see him again someday and I know he is happier than he ever could have been on earth. Thanks for listening.