Author Topic: new to board-just lost my brother  (Read 8220 times)

Matts little sister

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 9
    • View Profile
new to board-just lost my brother
« on: February 26, 2007, 06:55:32 PM »
I lost my brother Matt on February 15, 2007.  I am the youngest of 4 and the only girl.  It has not even been 2 weeks yet.  I am 26,  he was 29.  It was very unexpected.  His girlfriend found him that morning in bed not breathing.  She called my parents and they went to his house.  The ambulance was there but there was not anything they could do.  It was too late. They called me at work and I came home.  An autopsy was done and they found fluid around his heart, his heart was enlarged and arteries were clogged.  He did not have anything wrong with him that anyone knew of.  I have been looking at posts on here the last several days and have been wanting to write something.  It hurts to know I did not get to say goodbye-and it hurts to see my parents hurt so much-I wish there was something I could do to help them or make them feel just a bit better-but I know it is not possible.  I try to spend a lot of my time with them hoping it will help some.  One brother lives 3 hours away and the other has several kiddos and comes by when he gets a chance.  My boyfriend and I got engaged the night before he died and I did not call him that night to tell him because it was late-I figured there will be tomorrow-but that didn't happen.  I have read a lot on here about holidays etc. being hard to get through.  I can only imagine what it will be like with him not being there.  Like I will always feel a hole-something missing.  Matt and I shared a birthday.  I was born on his third birthday.  I always thought it was so neat that we were born on the exact same day.  I don't know how I will feel this year on our birthday.  It hurts so much right now-I feel like the way I feel will never get better.  You see these tragic things happen to other people and you never imagine that it will happen to you.  I feel so selfish right now because I feel so bad for me and my family-knowing other people go through losses like this often.  I know there will be a day where it gets easier to bear-these feelings-but I can't help but wonder when.  I know every day when I wake up I will think of him.  It just feels better to write on this board and know there are others who know what I'm feeling and will listen.  I talk to my fiance about it and he is very helpful, he just listens and I know he is hurt too-he has known Matt for over 5 years.  My friends try to help also, but I don't think they can even begin to understand-and I hope they never have to.  I say it makes me feel better to know there are others who know what a loss like this feels like-but I hate it for every one of you also-I wish no one had to feel this way-but I guess it is just a part of life.  I know Matt is in heaven right now and I will see him again someday and I know he is happier than he ever could have been on earth.  Thanks for listening.

Tom

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1104
    • apples are good and are good for you too
    • View Profile
    • Crisis, Grief and Healing
Re: new to board-just lost my brother
« Reply #1 on: February 26, 2007, 08:28:30 PM »
Welcome Little Sister.  So sorry that you have had to find us.  When a death is sudden and unexpected it makes the grief tougher.  You are right that you missed the chance to say goodbye and that impacts the pain and shock of it all.  Hang in there and try to take it one day at a time.  Keep in mind that your love for Matt is related to your grief.  Your tears result from your love for your brother.  They honor him.  Blessings to you and your family.

Tom
Tom's New EBook and paperback
 

Sad Eyes

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 139
    • View Profile
Re: new to board-just lost my brother
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2007, 12:22:33 PM »
Dear Matt's little sister,

I am so sorry that you too have experienced the sudden loss of a brother.  I know how much you and your family must be hurting right now.  While no loss is ever easy,  a sudden deaths impact leaves us with so many unanswered questions.  I hope this helps you a little to know that you are not alone with your grief and that you can come to this board to find a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on.  Take care!

Jeanneb

  • Guest
Re: new to board-just lost my brother
« Reply #3 on: February 27, 2007, 06:25:30 PM »
Matt's little sister,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss.  I lost my brother a little over 10 years ago and lost my youngest son a little over 3 years ago.

This journey is very difficult and will also be for your parents.  As a parent, I will say that the loss is something I will carry for the rest of my life.  I do as well for my brother but it is just so very wrong to bury your child.  I, like you, didn't get to say goodbye to my brother.  Just know that your brother will always be with you.  Just don't stop talking about him and especially don't stop talking about him to your parents.  I will not tell you that time heals.  I will tell you that time will make the pain softer.  How much time?  That is an individual thing.

When I lost my son it helped to know that my brother was there and would make sure my boy was safe.   I miss my brother and I know that my parents still miss him.  We talk about him, tell stories and still think of things that we know he would love.  He was a huge corvette buff and refurbished classic corvettes.  My son dreamed of the day that he would be like his uncle and own his own corvette but unfortunately that never happened.  I like to think of them together repairing and fixing.

I lost my brother and son to auto accidents.  When someone is taken from you so unexpectedly it leaves us with so many questions.  Hold on tight and take it one day at a time.  Be gentle with yourself and with your family.

Jeanne

marie

  • nospam
  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 220
  • Patrick & Biscut
    • View Profile
Re: new to board-just lost my brother
« Reply #4 on: March 01, 2007, 10:32:53 AM »
TO Matts little sister I am so sorry My prayers go out to you and Matt Hugs Marie Patrick's mom
                 

middle sis

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 69
    • View Profile
Re: new to board-just lost my brother
« Reply #5 on: March 01, 2007, 12:57:03 PM »
Matt's little sister,
Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers today. I am sorry for your sudden loss.  You are right there will be a time that this horrible loss will be easier to deal with....but for now take the time to grieve. Do what it is you need to do to help yourself and your family. I hear alot of myself in your post. My brother and sister passed away  7 yrs ago, and I struggled with the same feelings you shared. Come share more when you feel comfortable.
Take care
middle sis

sissychris

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 7
    • View Profile
Re: new to board-just lost my brother
« Reply #6 on: March 07, 2007, 05:56:04 PM »
I am so sorry for your loss and I know very much what you are going through, I lost my brother less than a week ago and the pain still screams through my heart and soul.  I will be praying for you and your family that you are able to heal and always hold on to the love and the memories.

Matts little sister

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 9
    • View Profile
Re: new to board-just lost my brother
« Reply #7 on: March 11, 2007, 04:04:15 PM »
Thank you all so much.  It means so much to me what you all have said.
It is nice to come to this place and just have people listen and let myself vent.  Knowing there are others who feel the way I do gives me a bit of strength when I feel like I need it the most.  I want everyone to know I think about you all and you're all in my prayers every day.  Thanks again for the support.

Jparks

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 24
  • My little brother. A perfect human being.
    • View Profile
Re: new to board-just lost my brother
« Reply #8 on: March 11, 2007, 09:39:24 PM »
Im glad we all have a place to share similar feelings and to express our grief. I hope you can come to terms with your loss, but it is a difficult experience. One I have not figured out well, but with everyone support, maybe we can all go through it together.