(((Elaine))),
I am SO SORRY to read of your beloved daughter Brynn’s horrible accident and her traumatic death.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. I also want to welcome you to this wonderful group of caring, loving and compassionate parents who have also suffered the GREATEST loss of their lives, the death of our child.
I am the father of a heavenly Angel, Danielle Marie. On February 20th, 2006 at 11 years 1 month and 17 days old, our beautiful, precious and life-loving daughter, Danielle Marie died at 10:59am in an automobile collision in Sturbridge, MA. She died of a massive traumatic head injury and was pronounced dead at the scene.
The pain and anguish that is experienced by a bereaved/grieving parent is devastating. We can ALL relate to what you may have or will experience along this journey of grief. Please talk to us about your wonderful daughter or your own grief whenever you need support.
Grieving is normal when a love one dies. You have to go through it; there is no way around it. However, most of us are not prepared for the long road we are on, called Grief. There may seem to be no end in sight to this intense raw pain you are experiencing. Grief is like a raw open wound, the wound will start to scab over, and many times the scab will come off before it is completely healed. Your life will never be the same, even though you have a scar now, you will get through this long road of grief. You will also be a stronger person.
At this time, you will have taken one baby step on the road, only to stumble and fall backwards two giant steps. It does not matter where you are, or whom you are with. When it wants to return it does, without warning, the roller coaster ride is back. So, hang on tight. Grief is hard work. It is probably one of the hardest things to endure. After crying for hours, minutes, seconds, your body is drained. You are exhausted and so is your mind. Give yourself permission to rest. Go lay down in a dark room, and think of nothing. Take deep breathes and feel the calm come over you.
Find someone to listen to you. This is very important. We all have well-meaning friends, however, they can say some stupid things to us at this time. I have heard it all. "Well, you have more kids." They cannot replace the one I lost. "She is in a better place." I am a greedy person; I want her here with me. "You need to put this behind you." Please tell me how and I will be more than glad to do it. "She was in the wrong place at the right time." In her own home? If not there, where are you safe? "You just do not know what was in store for her. God took her home early, because she was going to hit a bus full of kids and there were going to be many deaths." Oh, my God, no this person did not just say this to me. I even had one so-called well-meaning friend say,
"You got to get over this. You never smile or laugh anymore.” If I could, I would send (her son’s name) in place of Wendy." I will not go into what I said. However, I will say this, "I ended the call very quickly."
If you do not have support of family or friends throughout your grieving, please find a support group. You may think, do and say things that are very unlike you. We all go through different stages of grief. No two people are alike, so each person will be dealing with grief at different levels, different stages, and through it their own way. You will go through many different emotions. It does not have to be in any certain order. You may and probably will experience some again, repeatedly.
Please understand that the devastating death of your wonderful, beautiful daughter is very difficult and unlike ANY OTHER death.
Please know that we are always here for you & your family.
Take Care & may God give you & your loving family the strength and courage to guide you all along this terrible journey.