John, I'm not here very often, but, I have read some of your posts. I wish I could reach out and hug you. I also wish that I could tell you that the pressure to "get over" your daughter's death and get back to normal will lessen, but, as time goes on, it gets worse.
We are coming up on 10 years since we lost our daughter, Mel, to an accident. The pressure to move on was both immediate and intense. As time went on, we were left behind with our grief. Even close relatives don't understand, and make no pretense at understanding. As you said, it becomes a taboo subject, and those who do listen to you are being politely tolerant until they can change the subject.
At first, I became angry over this. I ranted quite freqently on this board about this very subject, in the first few years. There is something wrong with a society that pushes people to get over their individual losses and pain, yet glorifies and encourages what I call "mass mourning" for celebrities that you have never met personally. I am also offended by the idea that you "get over" the loss of your child, and, that, you are suffering from some "disorder" because you haven't. Again, I blame our too fast, quick-fix society.
After a few years, I stopped caring what people thought. If I wanted to talk about my daughter, I did so. I stopped apologizing for how grief has changed me into a different person. My daughter, and my grief at losing her, are part of me. You either accept that part of me or you don't. If you don't, I won't waste my time on you. It's that simple.
You are not a "victim" of grief, and, although your life is profoundly changed, you will find ways to live your life that always, always, include Danielle Marie.
Hugs to you,
Mel's Mom
Topic: A YEAR HAS NOW PASSED (Read 14773 times)
