Author Topic: A YEAR HAS NOW PASSED  (Read 12898 times)

Lonnie

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Re: A YEAR HAS NOW PASSED
« Reply #15 on: February 19, 2007, 11:38:05 PM »
John: I just wanted to say that your precious Danielle Marie just shines!!! There is so much life pouring through her eyes and her warm smile. Everytime I see her picture, I feel a combination of  overwhelming sadness and awe. Such a lovely angel with energy and excitement written all over her face. Just wanted to let you know that I have read your story over the past few months, and have been so touched by your insight, faith and compassion. It is so wonderful to meet a man who can truly express his feelings so deeply. You have been a blessing with all that you have shared, and may God bless you and comfort you on this journey. Hugs-Lonnie (from the main board)

Debh

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Re: A YEAR HAS NOW PASSED
« Reply #16 on: February 19, 2007, 11:57:34 PM »
Thinking of you and your family.

We never do get over it, but somehow time passes on and I am sorry it is without Danielle and our children that are so loved and missed.

Love
Deb

Valerie (Kyle's Mom)

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Re: A YEAR HAS NOW PASSED
« Reply #17 on: February 20, 2007, 05:09:11 AM »
((John))

Sorry I am a day late on my post...It's hard to belive it has been a year!
Your post hit home for me, alot of your thoughts and feelings are what I feel as I approach Kyle's 1st angel date.  On March 02nd it will be 10 months since Kyle became an angel, this Friday it will be a year since Mom left us.  I have heard from so many on the board that the time leading up to our child's angel date is more emotional and full of anxiety as the day it's self.  When I heard that, I couldn't see what they were talking about then, but now as I am living it, I few more irriatable and unstable.  I can't wrap my brain around the fact that Kyle will be gone a year in just two short months.
I feel like I have been on this grief journey for ages, maybe beause I have had to deal with so much since the beginning of Mom's death and right after, losing my son.  Know one EVER mentions Kyle name, I do, all the time, there are a few people who will ask, "are you doing alright", and that's it!  Then they will ask "How is Philip".  What do they expect me to say, NO!  or do they want to hear how I REALLY am doing?  I don't know why people don't know how to comfort us parents who have lost the most precious person in our lives, but I do know that if someone else down the road that I am close to ever has to go through what we all have been through, I will be the first and the last person to be by their side, talking about their loved one and never forgetting how they lived and loved and how a big part of their life was taken away.  I am a better person because of Kyle, not just because he died before me, but how he showed me what it was like to love so unconditionally when he was alive.  There is no greater love than loving our kids.  Your Danielle is the sweetest little girl, her smile shows her happiness and her zest for life, I'm trully sorry that she is not with you, although I see her lighting up the heavens with her love and laughter....Take care!  Valerie (Kyle's Mom)
Valerie R. Patton (Kyle Berry's Mom)
http://james-.memory-of.com

JenKellisMom

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Re: A YEAR HAS NOW PASSED
« Reply #18 on: February 20, 2007, 06:20:53 AM »
As usual, John, you have expressed yourself so well and spoken for so many of us.

I'll never forget what Kelli's pediatrician, who had lost a child at 4 months old, told me at Kelli's funeral "You'll never get over losing Kelli, you'll just learn how to live with it."  I'm not sure what I'm doing now would be termed "living", but I always try to remember what she said when I have to deal with anyone who gives me the impression that I need to move on.

I hope you were able to get through this very difficult day while feeling Danielle Marie's beautiful spirit all around you.

SueH

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Re: A YEAR HAS NOW PASSED
« Reply #19 on: February 20, 2007, 09:55:37 AM »
So sorry..... my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Sue *Sara's* Mom
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Johanna

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Re: A YEAR HAS NOW PASSED
« Reply #20 on: February 20, 2007, 01:22:22 PM »
My thoughts are with you and your family today John.  It was less than a month ago that we were at Micheal's first angel date, and I remember so very well how painful that day was.

Wishing you a little bit of peace, a moment of comfort and that you feel Danielle's presence all around you today.

Love and hugs,
Johanna, Micheal's mom


Who, then, can so softly bind up the wound of another as he,
who has felt the same wound himself?
Thomas Jefferson

shelly Tristans mom

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Re: A YEAR HAS NOW PASSED
« Reply #21 on: February 20, 2007, 08:16:40 PM »
John,

Everything that you said is so true.



You, Danielle Marie, and the rest of your family are in my prayers tonght.

((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
Shelly, Tristan's Mom
Shelly, Tristan's Mom

Judy Mwenya

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Re: A YEAR HAS NOW PASSED
« Reply #22 on: February 21, 2007, 07:00:05 AM »
John, though belatedly I wish you peace, I feel your pain and your cry as I walk down memory lane when it was a year on 26 Aug. 2004.  The river of tears I cried, the pain, the missing.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sending love, hugs and strength to you and  your family across the seas and oceans from the continent of Africa.

May the peace of God fill your heart today


"Forever in tears"

Judy - Mpundus Mom

~Dee

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Re: A YEAR HAS NOW PASSED
« Reply #23 on: February 21, 2007, 07:46:06 AM »
John, I'm not here very often, but, I have read some of your posts.  I wish I could reach out and hug you.  I also wish that I could tell you that the pressure to "get over" your daughter's death and get back to normal will lessen, but, as time goes on, it gets worse. 

We are coming up on 10 years since we lost our daughter, Mel, to an accident.  The pressure to move on was both immediate and intense.  As time went on, we were left behind with our grief.  Even close relatives don't understand, and make no pretense at understanding.  As you said, it becomes a taboo subject, and those who do listen to you are being politely tolerant until they can change the subject.

At first, I became angry over this.  I ranted quite freqently on this board about this very subject, in the first few years.  There is something wrong with a society that pushes people to get over their individual losses and pain, yet glorifies and encourages what I call "mass mourning" for celebrities that you have never met personally.  I am also offended by the idea that you "get over" the loss of your child, and, that, you are suffering from some "disorder" because you haven't.  Again, I blame our too fast, quick-fix society.

After a few years, I stopped caring what people thought.  If I wanted to talk about my daughter, I did so.  I stopped apologizing for how grief has changed me into a different person.  My daughter, and my grief at losing her, are part of me.  You either accept that part of me or you don't.  If you don't, I won't waste my time on you.  It's that simple.

You are not a "victim" of grief, and, although your life is profoundly changed, you will find ways to live your life that always, always, include Danielle Marie.

Hugs to you,

Mel's Mom