The food is all made, the house is straightend up, the sun is shining brightly and we are about ready to go and place the memorial stone on our son. It burns in my heart that I have to do this. Yesterday, I went shopping with my daughter and SIL and we walked into the POLO store. Jason loved Polo but they were always too expensive for me to buy them for him. When he made his own money and there was lots he would go and buy whatever he wanted. I saw a family with a son about Jason's age and they were buying him all sorts of clothes. I was sooooooo jealous. I wanted my Jason back and wanted to buy him anything he wanted.. I just am so tired of hurting. I want to be able to not hurt so much, to be thankful for what I do have but it seems to elude me. All I want is why did he die; why didn't I see him; and I want reasons to not be burning all the time. Soon we will be surrounded by lots of people, people who want to support us but don't know what to say. People who have their own families in tact. Yes, this is the only place that people understand. I want so much to have my son and I know I never will. I will write more after the unveiling.
Rebecca Jason's Mom