Author Topic: 4 Month Anniversary.....Sis, Bro in Law, nephew  (Read 5353 times)


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4 Month Anniversary.....Sis, Bro in Law, nephew
« on: July 03, 2007, 03:50:40 PM »

Well, I can't tell you how many times I have tried starting a new topic and everytime I just delete my post and go about my day.  Tomorrow.  On Independance Day will be the 4 month anniversary since I lost my sister, brother in law and nephew.  Not a very good day to celebrate. 

I'm slowly putting the pieces back together but I still feel empty inside.  I have been so busy with the estates and with my niece and taking care of the house and bills that I don't really have time to grieve anymore.  Sad isn't it?  I feel guilty for not thinking about kerry and tim and rusty all the time.  I feel guilty that I've had to step into my sister's shoes and take over where she had stopped. 

I feel guilty about alot of things.  I feel guilty that I am the one still on earth and I'm the one who is going to see my 17 y/o niece graduate and I feel guilty that I am the one who will drop her off at the college campus for her very first day.  I feel guilty that I am the one who will see her fulfill her dreams of becoming a teacher.  I feel guilty that I am the one that will help her pick out her wedding gown and plan her wedding.  I feel guilty that I am the one who will be at the hospital when she delivers her first child.   I just feel guilty.

I try to enjoy Sam's accomplishments but I feel guilty for that as well. 

I miss my sister so much.  I can't believe she has been gone for 4 months now.  I still wait for her to walk through the door.  I'm waiting for that phone call telling me her vacation is wonderful.  I'm waiting for anything to happen so I know she is ok. 

Every day I wonder if I am making my sister proud.  Am i doing ok with Sam?  Am I making the right decisions for her and would kerry make the same decisions I have made? 

Sam has told me that she is so upset that her children won't have an uncle. and she won't be an aunt.  I know exactly how she feels.  My children won't have an aunt either.  They won't know that my sister was a beautiful person inside and out. 

As I go through paperwork I never really knew what struggles my sister was going through.  I never knew how strong and bull headed she was.  I always though she was the weak one, the one who didn't stand up for herself but I was so wrong.   Instead, Kerry was one who didn't burden other people with her problems.  She put on a smile and lived everyday to the fullest. 

I know I'm rambling and I'm sorry.  I better hit post now before I delte this one too.  Thanks for listening and letting me vent. 
Forever in my heart.  I miss you Kerry, Tim and Rusty


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Re: 4 Month Anniversary.....Sis, Bro in Law, nephew
« Reply #1 on: July 03, 2007, 04:32:23 PM »
Hi Tracy: I know that, as much as you wish your sister could be there for her daughter and all those special events, she is at peace knowing that YOU are there, and taking good care of her baby girl. My daughter is 18 so I can really relate to all the changes and future events. I know that you all miss your sister, brother-in-law and nephew. I can only imagine how Sam's heart breaks. She lost so many loved ones. It sounds like you are just doing a great job with carrying on for your sister and family. How blessed they are to have you in their lives. When you were talking about the wedding gown and all, I thought of Julia Roberts in "Stepmom". Have you seen that movie? A real tearjerker that you could surely relate to. I wish you brighter days ahead, and I just want to tell you that you are courageous and strong for taking on all that you have, and you are doing a beautiful job! Hugs-Lonnie
« Last Edit: July 07, 2007, 01:17:14 AM by Lonnie »


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Re: 4 Month Anniversary.....Sis, Bro in Law, nephew
« Reply #2 on: July 03, 2007, 06:46:09 PM »
I know how you feel tomorrow will be one month without my mom and I feel guilty.  My brother passed away over 23 years ago I was nine at the time.  I am 32 now.  I miss them both and there is not a day I do not miss them.  It sounds like your strong person and I am so sorry for the loss of your dear family members.  I named my son after my brother and grandfather.  I hope you make tomorrow the best possible for sam.


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Re: 4 Month Anniversary.....Sis, Bro in Law, nephew
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2007, 10:21:13 AM »
Hi Tracy,

How my heart breaks for you!!!  Any loss is hard to cope with much less the multiple losses that you are dealing with.  Sam is lucky to have you!!!!  I have also been a "fill-in" mom for my two nephews and it's a very hard thing to do. With every happy event that we have each of us feels the hugh hole that is left by their mother's death.  I didn't try to become their mom, but rather her support system.  We often talk about her and how she would react to whatever the situation is that we are dealing with.  Your sister wouldn't want you to feel guilty.............she would be so happy that Sam has you to help her remember her mom and the values that she would want her daughter to have.  By having you, Sam has the next best thing to her mom.    Again I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you find some comfort knowing that others of us are here to support you during this sad time in your life.  Take care and let us know how you and Sam are doing.