Hi Garys-sis: I just wanted to say that I am so familiar with all the horrible consequences of diabetes. My mother (is) and real dad (was) both insulin dependent diabetics. My stepdad died not quite a couple of years ago. He was my mom's caregiver, and now I am. She still lives at home alone by her own choice. I just wanted to share with you that I thought I could not bear the stress of knowing that I was now responsible for her, and for her very life. I felt like if she went low (blood sugar) and I wasn't there to bring her out, then it was my fault. But I finally realized that even if she lived with me, there was no way that I could watch her 24 hours a day. I would have to go to the grocery store and errands, sleep, bathe, etc. I finally realized that I could only do what I was capable of doing to the best of my ability. I had to leave the rest in God's hands. It helps to realize how little we really control. You could not make your brother go to the emergency room or doctor. He didn't even know how sick he was. If he did, he would have gone without being pressured. No one could have known how serious it was. Please don't ever blame yourself. You checked on him, invited him to stay at your house and apparently talked about going to the doctor. It was just one of those horrible tragedies. I am so very sorry for your loss, and for all you went through in the days following. How awful it must have been to have to tell your parents and the children. It breaks my heart to think of it.
I just wanted to tell you that there is probably not one person on this grief board who has not second guessed themselves in the loss of their loved one. The "if only" and "why didn't I" questions fill all of our hearts. But in the end, remember you are looking at it from the other side now. As it was playing out, you could not have known. None of us could. I will pray for your peace and well being. Keep writing out your thoughts and let us reassure you that you are not in any way to blame. You have suffered a tremendous loss, and have not even had much time to grieve yourself. I went through something similar when my stepdad died, because I had to be strong for my mom and there was so much to do. May God bless you and give you peace. Hugs-Lonnie