Author Topic: The sounds I make...  (Read 3466 times)

Lori, Alex's Mom

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The sounds I make...
« on: February 15, 2007, 09:04:44 AM »
When I cry, the sounds I make are primal and a little scary.  I've never made these kind of sounds when I cried before.  I understand why it's different but it still shocks me when I hear myself.

I only cry that openly when I'm alone.  It's a very private thing.  I think it would scare or shock others.

Lori, Alex's mom

PS  You are all in my heart and prayers.  When I read posts I cry and cry and cry.  And my heart breaks all over again for both myself and you.  Please know how much I love and support you all even if I don't respond.

laurasmom

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Re: The sounds I make...
« Reply #1 on: February 15, 2007, 06:04:48 PM »
Lori,
I know exactly what you mean.
You have probably never made those sounds before because you never cried from your soul before.  I do not cry when others are present if I can help it, and if I do, it is very quiet tears.  It has been much different when I am alone.  Then I can allow the pain to come through.  I have screamed, hit the wall, sobbed until I just couldn't move.  But as one mother told me right after my daughter was killed, you can't scream loud enough, hit anything hard enough, or cry enough tears to take the pain away.  My husband tells me that I cry in my sleep, I was not even aware, but he says he lies there and listens to me cry, and he knows I am asleep.  I guess it is because I work so hard every day to supress the pain, that when I am asleep my defenses are down.  Yes, it is scary to think that we can become so primal when we are alone and cry, but is anything more primal than a mother's (or father's) love for her child?  And the loss of a child is the worst loss that exists.
I too, read the posts and cry, as many who post here do, and that's because we all know the same pain.  I think of all of us every day.
Lois, Laura's Mom

Marianne

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Re: The sounds I make...
« Reply #2 on: February 15, 2007, 06:13:31 PM »
Dear Lori and Lois,

I know the sound you are talking about.  I think it is our souls crying.

Sending you love and understanding.

Marianne (Alek's Mom Forever)

MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: The sounds I make...
« Reply #3 on: February 16, 2007, 10:25:24 AM »

I know the sound far too well which is why I only cry alone. I believe it is what helps to release a bit of pain every time the tears flow. I know speaking for myself if a little of the pain didnt release with the crying I have no doubt the pain would take over my very soul and I too would no longer be able to function here on this earth...thinking of all of us!!!

Rebecca

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Re: The sounds I make...
« Reply #4 on: February 18, 2007, 09:30:07 AM »
I know exactly those sounds but now I make them in my head.  When I make them outloud, it exhausts me to a point of no feeling.  I can remember do the sounds outloud in the very beginning.  Now I am more private and keep the screaming in my head.  We all do it, one way or another, because the reality of losing our children is as foreign as walking on water.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: The sounds I make...
« Reply #5 on: February 18, 2007, 02:38:25 PM »
I understand and have heard those sounds coming out of myself also:::It is like hearing something you never heard before.

Dottie Tammie's Mom

tanyasmom

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Re: The sounds I make...
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2007, 06:21:54 AM »
I heard those sounds last night again.....two years soon...where do these sounds live? I was missing Tanya so much last night...got in my car and drove past where she was killed, not far from home. I have to go past there everyday. I f  I can , I take the long way around just to avoid it.  But last night  parked my car and wondered what I was still doing on this earth and would I finally be able to be  with her?  I came home and Sabrina my youngest asked" Mommy did you run away?"  It  tore my heart in two.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2007, 07:13:11 AM by tanyasmom »