Author Topic: Feb 10 (Long)  (Read 4967 times)

Rebecca

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Feb 10 (Long)
« on: February 10, 2007, 09:09:58 AM »
This is the date that the coroner gave that Jason died.  We found him on the 13th so this is the date I go by and have, but now I feel like every move I make could have been the same time that Jason died.  I feel sick to my stomach.  I think I might have said on  here that on the 13th I decided to go to work, why right now I do not know.  I scheduled about l5 people in that day without thinking.  When I looked back on my schedule I saw that I have 5 Jasons and two names beginning with J on that day.  It was completely without plan that that happened.  Now I wonder how I can handle the day.  Next Sunday we are doing the unveiling of his stone.  Our friend designed and made it to look like a red rock in Colorodo.  On the front side we have his name:  Jason Craig Fistel 9/5/73 - 2/13/2005 and a Jewish Star. On the side facing us we have:  Our love for you will never die, you are always in our hearts.   Jason, Mr. Jace, "J"  Loved and Love by Aiko and Jesse.( they are his dogs)  There is a sort of ledge on the stone.  It is a Jewish custom which many of our Christian Friends have adopted that when you go to visit a loved one at the cemetary, you leave a stone so he/she knows that you have visited.  Some of you might have heard of this tradition.  At the cemetary, the stone will be covered with a white cloth and the Rabbi will say some prayers.  I want to have her read, We will Remember you.  After the ceremony, we will invite the people back for lunch.  We invited about 40 people.  I am getting more and more anxious.  Usually, the stone is dedicated within the year of the death but we just couldn't do it.  I still don't know how we will but he deserves a permanent marker.  I think now is somewhat worse because now I can feel as when we buried Jason I was numb.  Had no physical or emotional feelings. Going by movement, don't know how... But, look who I am telling this to.  You were all and are the same way, at this point to different degrees.  Thinking of all of you and your beautiful children.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

Jeanneb

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Re: Feb 10 (Long)
« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2007, 09:27:45 AM »
Sis,

I know how much you miss and love Jason.  You are such a strong woman, I don't know how you do it sometimes.  I just admire you so.  You have taught me some things I didn't know.  Some of the traditions and customs are so nice such as the dedication of the marker, the stones.  I was in such a fog when I picked the marker for Philip.  My dad wanted to buy this and really really pushed me and I had to make all those decision within the first few weeks.  While I was satisfied with what I did, now I probably would have done a few things differently.  If you can't do work on the 13th, is that an option?  Could you just cancel?  Maybe you need to see those Jason's and "J" names that day that might be why you scheduled them for something was telling you to do this?  No matter what you decide, I am sending you strength to make it through today and the days ahead. 

The second year for me was so hard.  I'm holding you close to my heart and saying Jason outloud.

Love and hugs,
Jeanne

Dottie (Tammie's Mom)

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Re: Feb 10 (Long)
« Reply #2 on: February 10, 2007, 12:10:09 PM »
Dearest Rebecca,

The stone sounds just beautiful and so does your tradition of leaving a stone when you visit.

I know how very difficult this all is, we just did something simliar for tammie in November a memorial it was 13 months after she died. I worked myself up to almost being sick. It went beautifully and although I cried I did feel some peace in honoring her life.

I know it will be hard but I also know your Jason will help you through this difficult day.

Dottie Tammie's Mom

shelly Tristans mom

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Re: Feb 10 (Long)
« Reply #3 on: February 10, 2007, 07:35:33 PM »
Rebecca,

The stone and the tradition sounds so lovely. 

Know that I am sending strength and prayers your way.

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))
Shelly, Tristan's Mom
Shelly, Tristan's Mom

Donnys Dad

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Re: Feb 10 (Long)
« Reply #4 on: February 11, 2007, 08:32:57 AM »
Yes Rebecca another miserable Sunday for us.  I am so glad Jason's stone is complete and that you will have the unveiling.  It sounds beautiful and I know how much thought you put into it.

In regards to work, that is just something you will have to decide.  It could very well be a message from Jason.

No matter what you decide, make sure it is the best for you.  I will be thinking of you.
I Miss You So Much Buddy, My Best Friend, My Tiger

Don, Donny's Proud Dad


Debh

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Re: Feb 10 (Long)
« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2007, 12:19:05 PM »
Rebecca I am thinking of you and Jason.

Love
Deb

Karen Paul

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Re: Feb 10 (Long)
« Reply #6 on: February 12, 2007, 12:37:17 PM »
Rebecca - These days are so hard... I love the idea of leaving a stone when you visit. That is lovely. and your marker for Jason sounds wonderful. I remember when Chris' marker was placed, it felt so permanent, and made it all more "real" somehow, a very difficult acknowledgement. And yet at the same time I felt it comforting that there was a marker there.. probably more for us and his friends.

My friend at work Ruth, is also Jewish. Her mom died on Chris' birthday, just three short weeks after he died. She described to me the unveiling and the ceremony surrounding it and it sounded so lovely to me.. she did not mention the leaving of the stones though.

Holding you in my heart.. I think maybe those Jasons and "J"s are in your day for a reason.. but only you will know what is best for you...

luv and hugs,
Karen




MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: Feb 10 (Long)
« Reply #7 on: February 12, 2007, 08:32:15 PM »
Please know I will keep you close in thought that day and send all the stregth I can muster to help you through this most difficult task of setting a permanent memorial to your precious son. I am sure it is beautiful....sending strength.

Lori, Alex's Mom

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Re: Feb 10 (Long)
« Reply #8 on: February 12, 2007, 08:33:52 PM »
Jason Jason Jason

You and your beautiful boy are in my prayers...

Love and peace,

Lori, Alex's mom

JenKellisMom

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Re: Feb 10 (Long)
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2007, 09:02:15 AM »
Rebecca, Jason's stone sounds beautiful.  I hope Jason is giving you the strength you need to get through these difficult days. 

If you were able to get to work, you'll have to let us know if your Jason gave you anymore signs from all the J's on your calendar!

Blessings!

Dena

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Re: Feb 10 (Long)
« Reply #10 on: February 13, 2007, 04:37:56 PM »
(((Rebecca)))) - I tried posting to you the other day, but have been having computer glitches, so the computer threw me off the minute I hit "post".  I have been thinking of you & Jason.

Jason's stone sounds beautiful.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom