Author Topic: Very New to This  (Read 11347 times)

CRCmom

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Re: Very New to This
« Reply #15 on: February 09, 2007, 07:44:39 PM »
I am so so sorry for the loss of your precious Brynn.  I do not understand why our children are taken.  My 15 year old son died suddenly (w/in 30 minutes) of a pulmonary embolism.  I can't hardly describe the past almost two years since his death.  It really is one moment aat a time.  This board has helpefd me immensely!!!!!


We are always here
LOVE AND GRACE ON THE JOURNEY,
PAULA


Johanna

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Re: Very New to This
« Reply #16 on: February 09, 2007, 08:38:08 PM »
Always remember Elaine, that everything you feel is ok.  There is no "normal".  We all have similar feelings, but each of us grieve in our own way.  You will find often, that someone will say something and you will think "That's how I feel/felt", but sometimes you will have feelings that are so alien, so unlike the old you, that you will want to think you are going crazy.... you are not.

To answer your question more directly, yes, I did find I was able to accomplish more in the first few weeks, but looking back, I think that is because I had to.  I was on auto-pilot, numb, doing what had to be done because it had to be done.  When those first weeks passed, and the funeral was over and everyone went back to thier lives, I fell apart.  I was barely able to function - I thought I had faked it fairly well until my 14 year old daughter told me I am a terrible liar when I told her I was doing ok - and didn't want to leave the house either.  I had panic attacks in grocery stores, in the doctor's waiting room and even at my own front door - effectively preventing me from leaving my house at times.

I didn't sleep for many, many weeks and then slept very little for months.  I cried all day sometimes... I would wake up crying, force myself to stop until my daughter left for school, cry all day until she came home from school and then still spend half of the evening hiding in the basement crying so that she wouldn't have to see me like that all the time (hence her comment about me being terrible liar...)  I became a person that I didn't recognise anymore, and although I will never again be that person I was before Micheal died, I will occasionally see a momentary flash of the old me now.  People have even commented that my voice has changed!  I speak far more quietly.  My husband tells me that my voice lowered about 4 octaves since Micheal's death. 

This will change you/has changed you, in profound ways and parts of the old you may come back... many won't.  I read somewhere once that someone said, "the only normal thing in my life is the setting on the washing machine...".  That pretty much summs it up for me.

When you are ready to read (able to concentrate enough to read), think about getting some books on grieving, on after-life contact and maybe on psychic mediums.  The books on grieving so that you understand the many stages and "ways" of expressing grief ... and that everything you are feeling is "normal".  The books on after-life contact to help you learn how to watch for 'signs' from your daughter to let you know that she is ok.  And the books on psychic mediums to see whether that is an avenue you believe is worth pursuing to help you connect with your daughter. 

I have read some really interesting and helpful ones, and other parents on this site have recommended many good ones too.  If you need some help with titles and authors, just ask here and I am sure you will get a list many arms long.

Wishing you some peace and comfort tonight, and remembering how difficult it is to find that peace in the beginning.
Love and hugs,
Johanna, Micheal's mom


Who, then, can so softly bind up the wound of another as he,
who has felt the same wound himself?
Thomas Jefferson

Donnys Dad

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Re: Very New to This
« Reply #17 on: February 10, 2007, 08:21:20 AM »
Elaine I am so very sorry for your tragedy also.  You have come to the right place as every one here understands all too well.
I Miss You So Much Buddy, My Best Friend, My Tiger

Don, Donny's Proud Dad


Rebecca

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Re: Very New to This
« Reply #18 on: February 10, 2007, 09:12:57 AM »
I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, your child.  Just a little over a month.  I can't even remember what I was so early on.   This is a good place to share you feelings and know that they are not unique or crazy as you might be made to feel further down the road.  We support one another here and I feel better when I read.  I wish I could post more but I work and when I get home, I just need to veg out and now use my hands on the computer again.  But on the weekends, I try to catch up.  Take each second at a time and you will get through 5 minutes.
Rebecca Jason's Mom

quint906

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Re: Very New to This
« Reply #19 on: February 10, 2007, 11:47:20 AM »
Hi Lainie,

What everyone before me said is what I would say.  This is a very hard journey that we have to go through for the rest of our lives.  I'm still trying to figure out the "why's" and the purpose of it all.  My son Cory passed on on December 20, 2005.  At least that's the date they found him.  I know it was on the 19th because we spoke everyday plus Cory always had his cell phone glued to his ear and the last call he made was at 3:45 p.m. on the 19th.  Cory was my heart and now it's broken.  I knew when I called the police dept. in St. Pete that my life was going to be forever changed and the Jo, everyone knew was gone.  Now, I'm trying to adjust to the person I'm becoming.  We all change.

Lainie, you couldn't find a better board than this one.  Everyone has helped me through my dark times and I know they're there for me when I need to vent.  Keep coming back.  There will be times when you don't come here but believe me, we all come back.

I'll be thinking of you.

Jo

sykeller (Ray's mom)

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Re: Very New to This
« Reply #20 on: February 10, 2007, 02:28:34 PM »
Elaine,

I am so very sorry for the tragic loss of your precious Brynn.  I'm sorry you have a reason to be here with the rest of us, but you have come to a good place, a place of genuine caring and understanding. 

My family was forever changed three and a half years ago with the loss of my son Ray.  The people on this board responded with great compassion and helped me through my darkest days, I am forever grateful.

Sending you strength for your journey.

Sy

http://ray-guerrero.memory-of.com/

Lori, Alex's Mom

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Re: Very New to This
« Reply #21 on: February 10, 2007, 04:35:26 PM »
((((((Elaine))))))

I am so sorry for my loss.  Brynnie and you are in my thoughts and prayers.  I'm so sorry you had a need to find us, but I am so glad that you did.  You will find this group very loving and supporting.

My son, Alex died 11/5/06.  He was mentally ill and he killed himself.   Our stories are all a little bit different but our pain is much the same.  I also like you was able to accomplish things right after Alex's death.  I think it's because we're in shock and don't even quite believe what is happening.  We go on auto pilot and do what we have to do.

Please be gentle with yourself.  Take whatever time you need, and take extra special care of yourself.  Know that this group is here for you whenever you need a shoulder to lean on.

You are in my prayers.

Lori, Alex's mom

Carol A

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Re: Very New to This
« Reply #22 on: February 11, 2007, 02:07:50 PM »
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious child.
I remember when I came here I believe my daughter had passed about 2 or 3 weeks. I was in such pain. I needed to be with people that understoon my grief and pain. I found this place and I can't begin to tell you how precious it is to me. I know everyone here knows exactly how I feel. I don't know why, but that is comforting to me and yet I feel guilty that I even think that because I wish NONE of us had to be here. It's been 3 years and I still hurt. I haven't driven in the car and screamed for miles lately. I still cry, but I don't stand in the shower every single day of my life and cry.
Don't get me wrong, I still cry, and do have times when I have to yell. Anything for some kind of relief. YOU do what you have to do for you. Rest as much as you can, eat when you can...cry ALL you want, get in the car and drive around and scream and cry as much as you need. It was my only place I could be alone to do so...and for some reason I needed to do that.
I miss my girl so much. It feels as if she could still be walking thru the door one day. I guess when I get to the point I know she never will..and accept that, I will be at another phase of grief. But know that you are loved here, understood, cared for. Try to be good to yourself and do what you need for you. Listen to your child in your heart. It might not be the right thing for me to say to you...but, it has helped me, I think I hear her talking to me, in my heart. Perhaps it's just my need that makes me think I hear her talking to me, in my heart. I am at the point now I want to see her sitting at the foot of my bed telling me * Mom, I am at peace, I am happy, please go on and be happy, I want you to do that for me* I have even said to her...out loud * I can handle it, just appear to me, I won't be afraid or think I am crazy, just talk to me, once, please.* Perhaps thats some guilt lingering around, that I could have done more and she would still be here.
I've had people tell me * I woke up one morning and he/she was sitting at the end of my bed, as clear as day..and I know I was awake* I can't tell you what I would give for that to happen to me.
My thoughts are with you and your precious daughter.

Kathy

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Re: Very New to This
« Reply #23 on: February 11, 2007, 07:17:15 PM »
Dear Lanie,

I can only repeat the words already given to you. Please know we all care and we are here for you. Post when you can and read when you can.

My 16 year old son, Don was killed in a car accident on Oct. 2, 2004. I found this website in Dec., 2004. It has been  a part of my lifeline every since. Thinking of you and your dear daughter tonight.

Kathy (Don's Mom)

MelissaCharliesMom

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Re: Very New to This
« Reply #24 on: February 12, 2007, 08:39:16 PM »
Please know that everyone here understands and truly does care. We lost our precious 10 year old Charlie in a car accident on June 26, 2004 and honestly I think the many broken hearted parents here on this board helped this broken hearted parent not go completely off the deep end. It is not easy and the pain never goes away but with time the grief changes.....though the loss and sadness never do. Please know there are so many here that care and are excellent listeners, advice givers and the strongest group of people I "know."
Sneidng strength and peace..I am so very sorry for your loss.

Donna Jasons mom

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Re: Very New to This
« Reply #25 on: February 13, 2007, 11:16:37 PM »
Welcome Elaine:
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little girl.  I am so sorry for the reason you are here but glad that you found this site.  I have been coming here for two years now and have much comfort and support by all of these wonderful people here.  Please share more with us as you can.
I will be praying for you and your family!!
One day, one moment, one breathe at a time!!
hugs and love
Donna (Jason's mom)