Well tonight I did a really dumb thing. My brother asked me if he could have a scrapbook Tammie had made of a vacation my brother took her on when she was 8 years old. They went across country and did many wonderful things. Anyway I said yes I knew exactly where it was I would get it out. So tonight I decide to get it. It was in Tammie's cedar chest. I opened the trunk and began looking at all the things my daughter had saved.
All her report cards, every card anyone had ever sent her, the cards she made for me, her journals, diary, pictures, high school things, all her school dance pictures, prom picture. Oh God my daughters life was in this trunk. Like an idiot I started reading and going thru all the things, after about 3 hours I just couldn't do anymore.
I WANT MY DAUGHTER BACK, if only I could go back and relive these things.
HOW CAN THIS BE REAL?
I miss her so much. Now I have been crying for hours and just can't seem to quit. My sister called and tried to talk to me and calm me down but the only thing that can do that is TAMMIE coming home. So many things she kept that I had no idea she still had, now they are mine. But all I want is her::::::
How can I possibly live the rest of my life without her. I looked at the pictures of her laughing, playing around, playing softball and tennis, so alive how could this happen. I am so ANGRY at the WORLD I could just scream. I HATE MY LIFE NOW. WHY, WHY, WHY.
I just want to die too so I can see my girl again. When I was upset she was ALWAYS there to comfort me, I need her now. I feel like I am back at day one, not really believing this is true.
I go to my group tomorrow, they will probably be sorry to see me.
Thanks everyone,
Dottie Tammie's Mom