Recent Posts

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Suicide Loss / Re: My Boyfriends son Committed Suicide...
« Last post by Terry on December 04, 2018, 01:34:02 PM »

Child Loss / Re: Happy Birthday Jae
« Last post by Terry on December 04, 2018, 01:32:37 PM »

Oh LaVonne....your precious granddaughter has been in my prayers. I'm so sorry she is going through this. Please keep me updated.

Love to you and big hug, too.
Spouse, Partner Loss / Almost 1 year
« Last post by Caspercat on December 04, 2018, 12:23:28 PM »
With the 1 year anniversary of my husband's death quickly approaching, I am finding the grief hitting me harder now.  When monumental dates (like the day we were told there is nothing more that can be done) come up, I find my grief burst uncontrollable.  It's like last year I was on auto-pilot doing what I needed to do, and this year I have the chance to mourn those days.  The past year has flown by and I feel like I missed most of it.  Is anyone else finding the same thing happening to them?

I still feel 'lost' most days and don't know how to combat that.  I have always been an organized person, but find that 'fog' seems to always be present.  Sometimes I have the TV on but a program will end and I don't even know what happened during it.  Concentrating any more is pretty difficult.  I have taken part in a couple local grief groups but found the anticipation of attending them each time created an anxiety that I have never had an issue with before.  So many different emotions I have never dealt with in the past.
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: WAITING IN THE LIGHT
« Last post by MyLou on November 22, 2018, 05:35:55 AM »
Hi Ralnic,

I'm so sorry for your lost. It's very sad and a hard journey. I wish I could take your pain away. You just need to take baby steps, one second, minute , hour and day at a time.  If you need to cry and yell do it.  People that haven't gone through OUR loss don't understand. That's OK but they try to keep us busy. Remember it's your grief you grieve how you need too.  Don't be sorry for crying and not wanting to do anything if you don't want to. We all grieve differently.  Please try to drink, eat and sleep. It's easier said then done.  It's very hard in the beginning and being the holidays even harder.

It is 8 years today for me.  I can't even believe it.

I haven't been on webhealing for a long while. I am here.

Your husband is still with you.  I know it's not the same as physically.

Hugs to you....

Always, Lisa

Child Loss / Re: Happy Birthday Jae
« Last post by LaVonne on November 21, 2018, 10:18:55 AM »
 Granddaughter has had MRI In late Oct and she has a Blood Vessel in Brain that supplies oxygen and blood to  5 main arteries in brain is underdeveloped called Circle of Willis. She is still waiting on options of where to go from here, possible brain surgery.  Very scary so need prayers.  Her MRI was sent to a specialist in New York. talk later LaVonne
Suicide Loss / Re: My Boyfriends son Committed Suicide...
« Last post by LaVonne on November 20, 2018, 07:40:43 AM »
 I am so sorry for both of you. Losing a child is the ultimate loss. The first year I was numb and did not function well. I missed him so much
and did not want to do much.  I walked around in a fog most days.  It has been 20yrs and it has become softer so to say but still hard. some days around his anniversary It is hard to function. I hate the Holidays very depressing to me, just don't care. I have made it thru this journey with the help from my Lord and continue to ask for his help. Couldn't do it on my own. hugs to you both and thinking of you LaVonne

Parent Loss / Re: Introductions
« Last post by Justrambling on November 18, 2018, 05:48:53 PM »
Hi All,
I am  Justrambling, and I am a mom to 2 adult "boys" both in their early 20's, a wife and a furbaby mom.  I work as a Special Education Paraprofessional.  I have lost several people that I was close to.  First was my father-in-law in June 2009.  We were at the house when it happened.  Next, was my dad, who I always said was my "kindred spirit", in March 2010.  I was devastated, but as a mom, I had to pick myself up and get on with life.  I grieved, and it took several years before I could get through the anniversary without crying.  Next in Feb. 2013 was my beloved boxer dog who had cancer and finally got so sick she had to be put to sleep.  In some ways, that was harder than losing my dad.  Because she was an everyday part of my life.  My dad lived on the other side of the country, so I didn't see him every day.  A year later, I had to put my sweet kitty to sleep. Then, in Jan. 2016 my brother-in-law (husbands brother) who we were very close to, died from cancer, although he was fighting cancer, we did not expect him to pass away as he did.  He was only 52 and left behind his wife and his daughter.  His daughter was completely devastated and has been in therapy ever since.  Then Sept. 2016 my cousin, who was my best friend, passed away from cancer.  Since her passing, I can't even talk about her without crying, I have been really struggling to get over her death, she was only 55yrs. old. My grandpa passed away that same weekend.  Anyway, after him, a very good friend suddenly died in her sleep in Dec. 2016.  In Oct. 2017 my sister-in-law, also only 52 (husbands sister) who was a year younger than me, suddenly passed away, she was the caretaker for my mother-in-law, so we all had to step up and take turns taking care of her, which was extremely stressful.  Then, in June 2018 I had to put my last kitty to sleep, right before I was having hip replacement surgery.  We've also had some longtime friends pass away recently as well.  I am not saying all this for sympathy, but to explain maybe that I've had so many hits that I haven't had an opportunity to process and grieve, so I feel like I'm not myself anymore.  I don't have joy, I can laugh, but it is just momentary, and lately, I've been struggling with having any sort of feelings.  When my friend passed away suddenly, I didn't even cry, not even at the memorial service, and that is TOTALLY not like me, I'm an easy crier.  Lately, I don't know if numb is the right word for how I feel, but I feel like I have one feeling....and no strong feelings one way or another for anything.  I used to be really social and loved going out and doing things with friends.  Now, I much prefer staying home.  I have anxiety attacks sometimes, I've had to call in sick some days because I was feeling overly anxious.  The thought of having to make a phone call to some office or anything makes me panic and not be able to do it.  The thought of going to a gathering of more than 2 or 3 friends, makes me DREAD even going, so therefore, I tend to turn down the invitation.  I realized last week that maybe I need grief counseling to help me process all these things.  I'm having anxiety about calling the office about getting an appointment.  I talked to my sister-in-law about it, who then told my niece that I was anxious about it.  She is so sweet, she told me that she would go with me to my appointment if I wanted her to.  So I think I may take her up on that offer, otherwise, I think I would keep putting off calling for an appointment.  Sorry for all the rambling.  There's a reason I chose my username to be Justrambling....I am hoping that this will be a good place for me to go to help me get through this, so I can be back to my regular self.     
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Introductions thread
« Last post by Laurie on November 17, 2018, 03:26:22 PM »
Hi, Iím Laurie. I lost my dear sweet husband of 25 years on October 24, 2018 to cancer. We had a fantastic cross country trip this past summer with no idea he was ill. We were gone 7 weeks, we traveled 7,000+ miles. We hiked, biked, visited national parks, and just had a ball. The last day in Gettysburg, he said he didnít feel good & went & lyed down in our motel room. The next day, he still didnít feel well so we drove the 6 hours home. He went to the doctor and all hell broke loose. He was diagnosed with cancer, stage 4. It was in his liver, lungs, stomach, back, and lymph nodes. We went to Dana-Farber for a 2cd opinion. He went through 2 rounds of aggressive 50+hours of chemo. We all went through hell. He decided no more chemo & his doctor concurred it wasnít working anyway. He never really stood a chance. The cancer was very aggressive. We were in the hospital from 9/21-10/22. 10/22, my birthday. My only wish was to get my husband home on hospice care before he passed. He was given his last rights before we left the hospital in case he didnít make the trip home. We made it, I got my birthday wish. On 10/23, our granddaughter was born. On 10/24, my beloved took his last breath with is family by his side. 11 weeks. Thatís all it took from the first day he didnít feel well till the day he passed. 11 short painful weeks. I thought they were painful, till he passed. I have never known pain like this, nor could I have imagined the depth of it until 10/24, now I know it because I live it every stinking day.
Child Loss / Re: 20 years today
« Last post by LaVonne on November 17, 2018, 03:36:54 AM »
thank you for all you do. Glad you are close to your sister now,that helps.This board I noticed has changed not as active as it use to be.
No one responds as they use to do. only a few . times change I guess. Hugs to you and talk later. I have to get to work.  Love you LaVonne
Child Loss / Re: 20 years today
« Last post by Terry on November 15, 2018, 09:19:34 PM »

Thinking of you and your precious, ever loved and missed, Jason.
I moved today. I'm close to my sister now as my bil  died in July.
Yes time goes by for everyone else. I couldn't go to sleep tonight without letting you know I had Jason on my mind and in my heart today.

Love you Lavonne,
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