Recent Posts

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21
Parent Loss / Re: Introductions
« Last post by Karissanicole on January 29, 2019, 09:59:24 PM »
Hi everyone. My name is karissa. I've never done this but I lost someone who is everything to me last week. I watched him pass. It replays in my head over and over again. I got this site from a grief reference and I don't know I thought maybe it was worth a shot for someone to talk to. Someone who maybe knows the pain
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Recent Loss of My Wife
« Last post by BrokenHeartedinMD on January 29, 2019, 09:42:52 AM »
Hello,

I am new to this site, and unfortunately I am now a widower. I lost my wife of 25 years on 1/1/19. She was only 64. She died of COPD. She was in bed for the last 18 months of her life and I was able to work from home and take care of her. We knew her death was coming and we were able to reminisce about our life together over the last few months of her life. I held her hand as she took her last breath. We met later in life and instantly had an attraction. We were inseparable over our 25 years. We were soulmates and she was the love of my life. She was my best friend, my lover, and I am a better person because of her. Until her death, that is...now I am crushed. My heart is broken and it is hard for me to think of life without her. I have gone through old pictures and home movies with an unquenchable thirst for seeing her and hearing her voice. She saved many of our old Valentine and Anniversary cards, which I have read over and over. It gives me comfort to see and hear her, but it also hurts because I know she is gone. I hold her pillows and her clothing, because she had such a beautiful scent. I am so incredibly sad and I struggle every day with just getting up and doing things. Life just seems so empty now. Any words of wisdom from fellow grievers would be appreciated, because I am feeling like I am going to die from a broken heart.
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Am I numb, in denial?
« Last post by mousewife on January 29, 2019, 08:46:26 AM »
Sorry BLW I have not been on here and did not see your post. I dont have any children. We had a child that died pre-birth. So I am alone too. It is coming up on 12 years for me. The pain does get better. Life is never the same but there will still be things and people to enjoy. My faith is how I survive too. Sorry for your pain.  I hope you are feeling a tiny bit better at least sometimes.

Peace and Healing,
Mousewife
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Iím new here
« Last post by Caspercat on January 21, 2019, 09:15:11 AM »
Hi Jillian,
My husband passed away just over a year ago from cancer so I can empathize with you.  People try to be supportive, but unless a person has gone through losing a life partner they cannot possibly understand.  I found a spousal loss support group with a hospice in my city and they also have drop in sessions available when needed.  I would strongly recommend looking into such groups in your area.  If nothing else, talking to other people who have lost a spouse has reassured me that I am not going crazy.  There were various ages in the support groups, both men and women.  It really does help to talk about your partner and your life together.  When I am having a really rough day I remember all the good times we had together and I know that Claude would not want to have left a legacy of tears and heartache behind for me. 
I wish you much strength on your on-going journey.
Cher
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Iím new here
« Last post by jillian_9987 on January 19, 2019, 08:13:11 AM »
Hi my name is Jillian and I lost my boyfriend a little over year and a half ago. His name was Nathaniel, and we were together for nine years.  He was 30 years old when he passed of cancer and I feel like my entire adult life was with him. I just donít know what to do now. We have a son that is now six years old, and without him I just donít think that I couldíve made it. Every day I still struggle.I have a really hard time thinking about certain things and I push them out. I know itís not healthy, but Iím scared to go over the events of his death by myself. I just need somebody to talk to; somebody that preferably gets it and understands. Iíve looked up quotes,and I listen to music all the time. They help, but itís not the same. Iíve  sort of secluded myself. I do have family, but I donít really lean on them for emotional help because they donít get it. So here I am.
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Parent Loss / Re: Mom's Passing Anniversary
« Last post by Lastleafgreen on January 15, 2019, 08:32:06 PM »
Thank you for sharing. I'm glad that you found help here. As someone who is currently going through the prolonged death of my father I can't tell you how reassuring it is to hear that things do get better. That even though the person you loved passes life continues on. That there are new memories and new happy times. I know that in my head. But hearing it from someone who has gone through that grief is incredibly comforting. Thank you.
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Parent Loss / Losing Dad by inches
« Last post by Lastleafgreen on January 15, 2019, 08:26:12 PM »
I've been at the hospital for hours every day for eight days straight. It wears on you. What's wearing on me today is that we've had to make some serious decisions with our mom.

Dad was diagnosed with colon cancer in April. We really thought he had a great chance to beat it. But one thing after another happened. Even up till Christmas we thought he just needed stronger chemo. He'd been complaining of belly pain for months but nothing was being done. Then after new year he declined rapidly. Mom took him to the emergency and they switched him to short care. He had a severe C-diff infection. Again, we thought antibiotics and he'd be home. Unfortunately the second day in short stay his bowl ruptured and he was taken in for emergency surgery. He survived, but was in SICU. We found out he was riddled with tumors that were under a centimeter and thus didn't show up on scans. Then he survived another surgery to close his stomach, but further chemo treatment was no longer possible. That was on Thursday night. It's been going on six days and he hasn't woken up.

When they try he doesn't follow commands or make eye contact. They've run a battery of tests and nothing seems wrong with his brain. I learned about ICU delirium today. I've learned a whole slew of medical terms in the last weeks.

Dad never, ever, wanted to be hooked up to a ventilator and in a coma for a long period of time. So for the past two days we've been discussing a Do not resuscitate order. That got put into effect last night. Today however, we had to start talking about when would be the right point to switch to comfort care instead of maintenance.

I try to focus on what my dad would want. I remind myself of all the things I am grateful for. That I always told him I loved him every time we talked. That I hugged him whenever we saw each other. That my mother, brother, sister, and I have become this phalanx of will and support for each other and him. He would be so proud of us. But it's still hard.

I find myself sometimes angry with him for not fighting harder. I wish I could will him into opening his eyes and recognizing the world again. But I know it's a selfish desire. My father is not going to see February. If he sees the end of the week it would be a minor miracle. I kind of hope he's already gone in spirit. Then maybe this whole stay in the hospital won't be something he takes with him. Maybe then when we're forced to make the decision to remove life support we'll just be putting a body to rest and not killing our dad.
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Parent Loss / Re: Introductions
« Last post by Lastleafgreen on January 13, 2019, 09:20:55 PM »
Hi. So I've never done this before, but I know I need something. My father hasn't exactly passed yet, but he has colon cancer and came down with a C-diff infection that was only diagnosed this passed Tuesday. On Wednesday after everyone went home he had a perforated bowl and went into surgery. I remember that night he wasn't really coherent. But one of the last things he said, in response to my mom telling him that we kids were there, was that it was what he'd been waiting for. He wasn't stable enough to even close his stomach all the way until Friday morning. He's in surgical ICU on a ventilator and we were told chemo is no longer an option. So he's going to die. It's just a question of when and if he'll ever regain consciousness. He's only 65. I thought I'd have years. My mind tells me one thing but I'm just sad.

I have a million different thoughts running through my head. He was so worried about making sure our mother was taken care of. So I'm trying to be strong for her, and for my brother and sister. Some times I can remember all the wonderful things I had the chance to experience with him and be happy I had that chance. Other times I feel cheated. I didn't even know it was possible to feel physically ill with grief, but when the surgeon told us his prognosis I almost threw up and then passed out. I am not a person with a weak constitution either. It shocked me. I'd never felt anything like that.

So the long and short of it is help is help. I know that someday I will be able to remember my father with smiles and laughter. I will still wish he was here, but it will be duller. Right now I am just bouncing back and forth between the stages of grief I guess. I know this is kind of emotional internet throw up, but this seems like the place for it.

I've been talking to other people waiting on loved ones in the hospital and it's helped some. It put some things into perspective. I'm lucky. My brother, sister, mother and I have been to the hospital every day since Wednesday. I have family around me, so does my dad. Hopefully this will tighten our ties and even after the worst the rest of us will continue to function as a family even if we're missing a piece. I know my dad would want that. I just wanted to reach out somewhere. I think sometimes having people not involved but sympathetic can bring release? Relief? Just shooting in the dark. It can't hurt right?
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Almost 17 months
« Last post by KathyD on January 11, 2019, 01:33:42 PM »
hello - I have been reading these posts and all the replies and not surprised by all the emotions that were shared.  It actually was comforting to know that I wasn't alone in some of the feelings I have been having for the past 22 months since my husband of 35 years passed unexpectedly.  Thank you all for sharing.  I just wanted to let all know that I appreciate the sharing and that it helped validate my feelings.  My minister warned me that even though the first year is rough, the second year is worse.  I didn't understand what she meant at the time even though she was speaking to me from her own experience of losing her young husband with two young children.  She was right and that dawned on me about halfway through the second year.  Everyone else had moved on with their lives and we are still trying to figure out who we are without our loved one.  We are still figuring out how to move through the days alone (even when we have family around us.) Someone in the messages above mentioned that they were in a better place than they were previous months after the loss and that is how I look at things - even though I am still sad, still cry, still have meltdowns, I am dealing with things better than I did months ago. 

We will NEVER stop grieving - we will only learn how to live with it. 

Thank you for allowing me to be part of this and allowing me to share my thoughts.   I have posted my story a couple months after my husband Ron passed. It helped just to post that story.  I had almost forgotten I had done that until I was cleaning out my bookmarks.  It is somewhere on this site under my name in the introduction thread ę Reply #142 on: September 26, 2017, 03:50:58 PM Ľ if you wanted to read it.  I'm sorry I haven't been back sooner. Everyone here is very loving to all.   

My snow globe of life is still showing signs of snowing but it's not the blizzard that it was at the beginning of being solo.
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Child Loss / Re: Holiday Time
« Last post by Adams Brokenhearted Mama on January 03, 2019, 01:22:57 PM »
Thank you LaVonne. A good new year to you as well.
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