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11
Parent Loss / Re: Introductions
« Last post by Dancingspirit on June 08, 2019, 10:20:36 PM »
Hi, I just signed up here. I just lost my mom 8 days ago. My mom had been sick since the end of December 2018, with pneumonia. She went to the dr several times, each time with no diagnosis. She was living with my sister at the time, and my mom had gotten worse, so my sister took her to the ER. There my mom was finally given the diagnosis of pneumonia, almost a month later. She was also on the verge of being septic and had a uti, too. After a few weeks, my mom was put into a nursing home. She wouldnít eat or drink and kept getting weaker. She went back into the hospital, then a board and care and back into the hospital. Where she was once again diagnosed with pneumonia and a uti. She passed away in the hospital with my sister at her side. I had the chance to go see my mom, but after the last picture my sister sent me, I didnít feel like I could see her. I now regret that decision. I had the money to fly to where my mom was. I just didnít think that I could do it. I had posted on my family page about my momís passing, and I got the most horrible ugly email from my older sister. I havenít been the same since. Just typing this in, Iím starting to break down. Her email hurt worse than my momís passing.
My dad passed away in Sept 2016, 3 days after my birthday. No one kept me updated on him. I never knew when he was in the hospital. I happened to call on the 16th, and my mom said that he had just come home from the hospital and that hospice had just left. My mom gave my dad the phone so that I could talk to him. I was able to tell him that I loved him, and that if he was to see the light or someone came to get him, to please go. My dad had cancer and I miss him so much. My dad was cremated and my mom had a memorial service for him. I never knew when it was, as I was not invited. My sister said that was my momís doing. I felt so hurt by that. Now I find out by looking at the mortuary web site, that my momís service says private.
My younger sister said that she was thinking around what would have been my momís birthday in October. I donít know what to do. I donít have anyway of getting a hold of my younger sister. I sent her a text to my momís phone, but I donít know if she has turned it off or not. Iím to afraid to call and find out that it has been turned off. I feel so alone right now, like an empty shell. Iíve not gotten much comfort from my husband. I have no one to talk too. I just donít know what to do. I have no friends either. I hope that someone can reach out to me, and help me.
My relationship with my sisters has not been good. My younger sister texted me on my momís phone and kept me updated and we made some choices on things after my mom passed.
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Devastation
« Last post by Terry on June 06, 2019, 09:08:56 AM »
((((Gabriella))))

I'm so sorry for the tragic and recent loss of your boyfriend. Welcome to Webhealing.

We're here for you.

With understanding,
Terry
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Devastation
« Last post by Gabriella on June 05, 2019, 11:13:36 AM »
My boyfriend of nearly a year died two weeks ago due to a hemorrhagic stroke.  It was determined that cocaine caused his stroke.  He and I were planning to be married and he was taken from me so unexpectedly.  The hardest part to all of this is that I had no idea he was using cocaine.  He was obviously very good at hiding it- I guess it was easy for him since we didn't live together.  I am left with not only the grief of losing him, but the anger his deceit has brought out in me.  I feel like our whole relationship was based on a lie.  How do I even know he really loved me?  How do I know that his feelings were genuine after finding this out about him?  I hope there is someone out there who has gone through this because I need advice.  I will be seeing a counselor starting tomorrow, which will help, but I was only allowed to tell a few people about the cause of his death.  I want to tell everyone, but his kids don't want me to.  Please anyone who's willing to give me their two cents, I'd appreciate it..
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: My boyfriend died
« Last post by Terry on June 05, 2019, 09:35:38 AM »

(((((Pammy))))) :love9:

How are you doing, my friend?

Holding you close to my heart.

Love,
Terry
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Happy Birthday, Robin
« Last post by Terry on June 05, 2019, 09:34:01 AM »
((((((Happy Birthday, Robin))))) :occasion13:

I hope your day is beautiful and filled with the warmest memories of your precious Tom.

Hope you are doing well. I think of you often.

Love,
Terry
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Parent Loss / Re: I miss my Mom
« Last post by Terry on June 05, 2019, 09:16:11 AM »
DeeDee,

I'm so sorry for your great loss. I understand as I, too was a caregiver for my Dad who had Alzheimer's.

We do the best we can with what we have in front of us, although feeling guilty is normal. My feelings of guilt have passed and I understand now that it was the bond between myself and my Dad and the fact that I couldn't save him......is what tore me apart at times. But I learned that it wasn't my job to save him but to care for him.

Sending you hugs & understanding,
Terry
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Welcome to Webhealing.

Hugs,
Terry
18
Grief not related to deaths / Re: The love of my life needs to work on herself?
« Last post by Terry on June 05, 2019, 09:08:32 AM »
Welcome to Webhealing.

Hugs,
Terry
19
Parent Loss / Re: Introductions
« Last post by MrJanuary70 on June 03, 2019, 11:10:13 AM »
Hi

My name is Shawn.  I just signed up today and I've never done anything like this before.  I lost my mom on 12/30/18.  Her death was so unexpected.  She had ovarian cancer and was slated to do four weeks of chemo to shrink the tumor and if it shrank enough they would do surgery.  On 12/18 I took her for her first treatment.  Seemed to go fine, that evening she started her home dialysis and then in the middle of the night she was complaining about a severe pain in her head.  We tried everything.  We thought maybe her insulin was off so we checked it and it was crazy high we got worried and called the ambulance.  They did all kinds of test on her and they found that she had a blood clot from the port they put in for the chemo treatment.  So she had to stay in the hospital to be treated for that. So days go by and she's not getting better, stopped eating and drinking and she kept getting sick.  They said she was having reactions from the chemo treatment and it was normal.  We were hoping that she'd come home for Christmas but it didn't happen she just wasn't getting better.  I spent every night with her and my dad and sisters would stay with her during the day.  The day after Christmas they told us that the chemo treatment she had was eating away at her stomach and she has internal bleeding. They recommended hospice and to start preparing for the end.  We were all in shock. My dad and sisters were a mess.  My dad wanted her home cause she always said not to let her die in the hospital.  So I met with the hospice service and prepared everything to get her home.  She came home in the evening on 12/27.  She was talking which she didn't do much in the hospital. So that was a good sign.  My mom loved to have her nails all fancy so I arranged for the ladies where she got her nails done to come to the house and do her nails.  She loved it she stayed up and talked to the girls.  She was also excited because her older sister was flying in from Phoenix but wouldn't arrive until the 29th.  So the goal was for her to stay alive until she arrived.  The next two days she was pretty much out of it.  On the 29th everyone was at the house.  My Aunt arrived and she got to sit with mom for a few hours.  It was getting late so everyone went home except for my sisters, my brother-in-law and my oldest nephew. My dad and nephew were sitting on both sides of her and around 10 pm I looked over at her and I couldn't see her chest moving.  I went over to her and I put my hand over her heart and I felt a very slight beat and then nothing.  I looked at my dad and said she's gone.  I relive that moment in my head over and over.  I think when her heart stopped something in me died along with her.  So now I'm trying to figure out how to get over it or at least try to not to be so sad all the time.  I put on a good face when I'm around others but when I'm alone I'm a mess. 
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My gf  broke up with me exactly 2 weeks before the 1 year mark. She ended things unexpectedly after a long night of arguing. We had a very sexual relationship but without having actual sex, more like just physical touching and slow making out type of relationship... her mother never knew this but she did know we had a very cuddle type relationship... and tbh we both loved it. We FaceTimed every night all night for 9 months... we have had about 7 major arguments... she broke up with me after the first 3 months we were together and told me that she couldnít stay, because she needed to grow up. I begged her to come back and she decided to stay. But with this argument we had most recently...I thought we sorted it out... we apologized to each other and told each other we loved each other. But she just decided to end things the next morning. Sheís 17 and Iím 19, and I feel as if her mother had a lot of say in us ending our relationship though. After she ended things I didnít handle it well, and I did the begging pleading bit... for hours I did this. And she listened to me the entire time until 3-4 in the morning. But kept telling me no to coming back. I got so low as to even hurt myself and show it to her. After that long night, we decided to say goodbye and leave it there. In the morning I was torn. I didnít sleep all night, and I was in a lot of emotional pain. I called her mother and explained the situation to her. She said she didnít know what to say and that she was stuck in the middle. So I sent my ex txts that day, explaining that Iíd love her no matter what, and that if she ever needed me I would be here. I wasnít begging and I wasnít pleading with her at that point. I sent her a txt explaining that if she wanted to truly end it, I would want to end it peacefully and without hurtful things said, she never responded, I called her twice and she let her phone ring out. So right after she didnt pick up the second time I called her mother. Her mother picked up right away. I asked to speak with my ex. She agreed and put me on speakerphone (shows that my ex and her mom were talking about me, makes me wondering if her mother told her to block me.) And right then is when my ex blocked my number. I explained that I would give her a month to change her mind or I was giving back everything she ever gave me. I gave her 6 months to come back or I would forget about her forever, I got a new number the next day and called my ex, her friend picked up and acted like I had the wrong #. I called her mother and explained how unfair this was, she said she couldnít do anything about it and that my ex was at her friends house. My friend cj came over and we were deciding to chill out for the evening, I told her mother this before we got off the phone so after our call ended she decided to call my friend. I didnít recognize the number because my cj didnít have her contact in his phone. I picked up because I thought maybe it was my exís friend who told me I had the wrong number, it was my exís mother who thought I was cj and I played it off that way, she than began to explain that I was obsessed with my ex and that there was something wrong with me asking in the end for cj to talk some sense into me. I interrupted and got pissed and told her that I loved my ex more than anything in the world and that it was a healthy obsession. I told her that I would go to her house the next day and drop everything off. After that call she kept texting cj telling him that she wished she never let me date her daughter. And that it was all her fault. Cj got mad and told her that it WAS her fault because there was 2 broken hearts and she had the power to stop this. The next day came and I drove to my exís house... I changed my mind and kept some things because I told my ex that our relationship was full of good memories and I wanted to keep some things because they were from her. She too had all of the things I gave her in a bag which she was going to give to me, I rejected it and told her mother when everything was said and done to keep it and put it in the back room or something so that In a year maybe we would have something to kick start this relationship off again, I also left her with my favorite sweatshirt... which just so happened to be hers too. But anyway when I showed up she walked out the door and She was torn when she saw me, her mother told me my ex wouldnít care and would sit there with here arms crossed... but that by far wasnít the case... , my ex was crying her eyes out. She was in a lot of pain and I knew it. (Not to mention she looked horrible... bags under her eyes stress lines the whole 9 yards, even blue lips from being cold.) She hugged me and I kissed her cheek and she didnít retaliate. Her mother gave her the evil eye when I hugged her tho. We talked for about an hr, I was confident and I didnít beg or anything, I told her I didnít agree with her decision but if she wanted to end it, I couldnít stop her. I told her I would always love her and take her back anytime. She was in tears about 80% of the time during that hr and a 1/2 conversation and i made sure to tell her how much it hurt for me to see her like this... and how much I just wanted to cuddle and hold her to make her feel better... During the conversation there were times where her body language would show me that she was 100% in tune and listening to what I have to say...(like when she would have her entire body facing me when Iím facing forward.) which showed me that she does really care about me and what I have to say. But She told me she NEEDED to end this. And she told me that I couldnít change her mind. And that she just couldnít be in a relationship rn. Her mother also told me that I wasnít able to do this and her mother reassured me that this was over even before I showed up at her house...   I asked my ex if she could at least tell me if she found another guy, and she reassured me that she wouldnít find anyone else. I asked her to keep me in mind in a year when she was 18. And we could pick up where we left off, she said okay. And I told her that if ever she wanted to date someone again and if she was looking for a relationship... to have me be the first person in mind and she promised me that she would do that. After taking a long time to explain how much I appreciated her for being with me through the year, and how much she meant to me, to explaining how much I would remember the good times we had it came to a point where her neighbor called and asked her to come baby sit for her on short notice. She told me that it was time to say goodbye, I started to choke up and I asked her for a hug, after about 10 seconds I felt her start to ease off and so I backed up, she was in tears and she was sobbing. I told her I loved her once again and she told me she loved me too, I asked for a second hug, she said no but I got the 10 second hug anyway. She was crying even more now and I felt bad. I asked for a 3rd hug, and again. She said no but I got the long hug anyway. She started to walk away... I called her name and ran to her, I told her I loved her so much and that she meant the world to me and again reassured her of my love for her. She told me she really loved me too. And she apologized for having it be this way. I got another hug from her. And the entire time she was walking away, she kept staring back at me... her mother decided to drive me home, and I asked my exís mother about my ex finding another man. Her mother told me that there was no way that she would allow that... (which shows me that the mother had ALOT of control over her daughter and relationships) so I asked to call my ex with her mothers phone on the way home, she said yes and I called and told my ex I was proud of her and that maybe in 2 years we could pick up weíre we left off, she said okay, and again told me that she loved me and was sorry. I said it was okay and I apologized for everything and I said goodbye. I got home, the next day her mother txt me and told me that my ex was sick and she has to go to the doctors. I felt horrible because I knew it was because of all the stress. The night was horrible and I didnít sleep, and I hadnít gotten sleep and I kept throwing up everything I ate for 5 days straight. I had to go to the hospital. The doctors told me that if I came in 2 days later I could have died, I txtd my ex with an app that changed my number. So it wasnít blocked anymore, I told her I wanted to have a heart to heart conversation about maintaining a friendship after this was done. I asked her if all of this pain from the breakup was really worth it and that we could have sorted this all out. She never responded. So i called her mother again, and asked to talk with my ex, she said my ex was in the shower rn and I would have to wait. So I did, and I stayed on the phone the entire time. Talking with my exís mother the entire time and explained the purpose for the call. She said that my ex wouldnít say anything. And she wouldnít want to listen, I told her that she said the same thing about her when I would show up at her house 2 days prior... I told her to trust me, because I knew how to reach my ex. She muted herself for like 5 mins. I was confused and I was like hello, r u there... and she said to wait a minute. while muting me again. I waited and she then said, okay go ahead, I asked to FaceTime, but her mother said no. I began talking explaining what I wanted to. No response, I asked if my ex was there and her mother spoke up and said yes she was but she was sitting there with her arms crossed. I then decided to tell my ex I loved her. I know that my ex would always tell me it back, it was something that we have had many many conversations over the entire year we dated, always telling the other person that u love them back, and she never failed to do that even after she broke up with me... expect this one time... I was like...Ē I love you!... r u there?Ē And her mother is like... ďoh she leftĒ and Iím like... yea she prolly left 10 mins before I even started talking... her mother then said that there was something wrong with me... I was like... why is there something wrong with me... I know what I want, I love her. Is that so crazy to you?... I told her that there was something wrong with her, and that she canít just lie to me and tell me my ex is there when she wasnít.(not to mention talking to my friends behind my back.) She didnít say anything and about 5 mins after I got done talking I said goodbye... my exís friend (the one who said I had the wrong #) and my exís mother both at the same time blocked me on Snapchat and blocked my number. I feel like the mother had so much more say in this and I was wondering if I wasnít just over thinking in saying that her mother had about 90% to do with us breaking up. Any help? I feel like I KNOW that my ex still loves me, but I feel like she feels pressured from her friends and family to end things with me... she just turned 17 and sheís not 18 so sheís not old enough ...according to her mother.... to make her own decisions. I just want to know if this is gonna be worth the wait... she doesnít have any contact with me at all... even tho itís been only about 3 days. She blocked me on multiple forms of social media... which makes me wondering if sheís truly being forced to do this by her mother... or she just wants to make a seriously sharp ďclean breakĒ... but I know she misses me and loves me... she wouldnít get to the point of being physically ill if she wasnít bothered by this. I asked her mother how she was handling things... and her mother told me she was handling everything perfectly fine... but I know thatís not true because during our conversation we had the last day me and my ex talked, my ex told me that she would lose such a big part of herself for losing me. Just like I told her I would as well. Iím just confused... I want to know if she actually loves me... I want to know that her mother is or isnít... doing all of this behind the scenes... any help? Or advice... anything... because Iím just torn apart from this... I do love her... and I have such a hole in my chest because of this... please help...


Sorry for such a long message...
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