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Messages - Jparks

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Sibling Loss / Re: Almost a year
« on: June 04, 2007, 06:42:06 AM »
Well one year has passed as of May 23rd. Was a difficult day. The night before I was irritable and cranky and didnt realize why until my ex girlfriend said what the next day was. It really slipped my mind that day and I immediately broke down in front of her. The hardest death to deal with yet in my life, but I am coping better as of late. I hope others do well in their losses. Its a tough thing to lose a loved one.

Sibling Loss / Re: not sure how I will survive
« on: March 28, 2007, 02:55:22 AM »
Elizabeth ,
  Wow I cannot imagine losing my father and brother that close to each other. I cant give you any positive words right now, because all I would be doing is giving sugarcoating to try and make you feel better. Instead I will try to strengthen my faith and help you at the same time by saying a prayer before I go to sleep for you. I hope, I really really hope you stay together. Its a horrible thing to lose a sibling, but to lose a parent the year before plus the sibling,.....I will pray.

Sibling Loss / Re: Almost a year
« on: March 20, 2007, 10:59:07 PM »
Well I have to thank everyone. This little bit of release has made a world of good for me.I am already becoming calmer and nicer to others. I was hurting so bad inside, that I lashed out at everyone. I will continue to come here, knowing this isnt over, but man it does feel good to release some pressure. Thanks again all.

Sibling Loss / Re: Is it Just Me, or have you noticed it too?
« on: March 11, 2007, 09:41:52 PM »
It does feel good to get these things out of your mind and into the open. When you feel so down that you cant stand it and noone is there tot alk to, write it down here. I for one will read it. Even if people dont reply, they are reading.

Sibling Loss / Re: new to board-just lost my brother
« on: March 11, 2007, 09:39:24 PM »
Im glad we all have a place to share similar feelings and to express our grief. I hope you can come to terms with your loss, but it is a difficult experience. One I have not figured out well, but with everyone support, maybe we can all go through it together.

Sibling Loss / Re: Almost a year
« on: March 11, 2007, 02:33:50 PM »
Thank you sisy for your kind words. Footprints is on of my favorite poems. Something my sister and I have discussed before is that if he wasnt an innocent soul and had sin in his life, would it be this hard to deal with? It was as if we were given a perfect angel and God took him away from us. Maybe I should see it as God gave us a perfect angel for a while and then he had to go home to wait for us. I get really broken up because he was a special needs child and my Mother revovled her entire life around him. That was her life for 20 years and it was hard, yet she did it with the utmost love and absolutley no regrets. I get sad wondering if it was this hard for me, how hard is it for her? Our family may not have been so close if his love had not entered our lives. At the funeral there were well over 400 people there. It was amazing! The nurses, homhealth aides, neighbors and people who had just heard of him were there. I am blown away at how many lives he touched. That makes the loss hurt more for some reason and I feel it should make it easier to bear. It feels good to be able to get this out even if its on a forum.

Main / Re: Weekends are the worse
« on: March 10, 2007, 05:07:23 PM »
Well I read it and it touched me like so many of the topics I have read here today. Id like to say it gets better, but thats a crock. It doesnt get better, maybe the way we handle it gets better, but I have a suscpision that this pain will always remain. I wish I could be positive for oyu, but all I can do is try to understand and say ,"Yes it is not fair". I wish you the best.

Sibling Loss / Re: Is it Just Me, or have you noticed it too?
« on: March 10, 2007, 03:46:00 PM »
The sugar coating isnt really for us. It is for them. Unless you have experienced it firsthand, you can never know how someone feels at a very close loss. It makes others uncomfortable and the only way they know how to handle it is by saying some cornball positive cliche. I dont get mad at people for that. I understand why they do it. I just make sure to never do it myself when others go through a loss.

Sibling Loss / Almost a year
« on: March 10, 2007, 03:40:49 PM »
My little brother passed away at the age of 20 on May 23rd of 2006. I am a strong person and have always dealt with death in a healthy way. This time though, I am falling apart almost a year later. Ive lashed out at everyone around me and dont really care if I live or die half of the time. I cant talk to anyone, because noone can relate or understand. My family is no help, because they are all in their grieving still. I feel like he just died. I came here because out of nowhere I hit the ground crying about an hour ago and it wont stop. Maybe I held it in too long. I feel miserable and my faith in God is shearing away. I am beginning to feel like maybe there is no God. Its bad enough to be sad, but to lose your faith in your god or any god whatsoever seems bad. My brother was mentally handicapped and a beautiful human. No hate, no anger, just love and appreciation for everything my family did for him. How can a sinless person go through months of pain and die like that? I didnt think God did those things, but here I am almost a year later with my loving, perfect brother gone. I needed to vent somewhere. Thank you for having this site available to do that.

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