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Messages - Jparks

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Sibling Loss / Re: A Dan-less life
« on: July 16, 2008, 06:01:56 AM »
Kae I am so sorry for your loss. Anger, bitterness and just all around rage at something you will never be able to change. It is quite normal. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise and don't let anyone tell you to get over it. You loved your brother more than anyone else will know because love is a very personal feeling. Talk to those around you about him, the good times and even bad times. You'll be surprised how many laughs my family got talking about some of the bad times. You'll have days where you feel like you can't breathe and then have days where you feel at peace with the world. It's a horrible experience to lose a brother or a sister that you were so close to, but the sad truth it, they'll never come back and there is not a damned thing you can do about it, except cherish their memories and make sure others know about them. I tell people I have met since my brother died about him. Not because I want sympathy ,but because in my mind, they are missing out on never knowing him. It is good healing for me and to be honest, I don't care if they really care or not.
 Not to sound cliche, but hang in there. It doesn't get easier, you just learn have to learn how to adjust your life around the void that he made when he left you all. And be patient with your mother ,even if she is a pain in your butt. She may not know the pain you suffer, but you may not fully appreciate her pain as well because of your own grief. God be with you and your family through this sad time.

Sibling Loss / Re: I need friends who understand my loss
« on: June 17, 2008, 03:30:20 PM »
The sad truth is, unless you have suffered this, people do not understand. "Get over it" seems to be the stance people take. I suggest letting your friends know exactly how it feels and if they cannot be understanding of that in the least, then maybe a change up of friends is in order. I was lucky in that my brother was born retarded and was a high special needs person. He was loved by everyone and my friends were all, and still are very understanding. I hope you find some peace through all of this.

Sibling Loss / Re: Still new to grief
« on: June 11, 2008, 11:18:05 AM »
Lost, I am sad for your loss. People who have never been through a close loss, can never understand what you feel. Losing a sibling isn't like a great uncle or 4th cousin passing away. It is close and intimate. There were day in the first year where my grief was so strong I thought I was going to die. A horrible horrible feeling, but as time passed it lessened a bit and became a bit more manageable. Don't hold back when you want to cry....let it all out!  I have cried more times in the last 2 years than in my entire life before that. God bless and have faith that your life will go on. You may find you are a stronger person than you know.

Sibling Loss / May 23 was 2 years
« on: June 05, 2008, 11:52:41 AM »
2 years since my baby brother died. I have to say I have adjusted quite well. Lost my lover in September of 2007 as well. Considering all of this, I feel fairly at peace with the world. I have noticed I am far more patient with people and learn to laugh at things that used to really make me mad. I don't know why, but the last few months haven't been bad at all. I get my sad days of course, but the good days have been.....well really good. I hope this isn't a small phase. I want to hold on to this feeling. It all seems to boil down to appreciation for life, because it doesn't last forever. Now I am not saying I am Mr. Perfect and I brandish my sword at adversary with a laugh like a swashbuckler, but I just feel peaceful. This site is wonderful and I am so proud to be a part of this community. It is sad that we all have become members of it, but if you have to deal with bereavement, then this is the place to be.

Sibling Loss / Re: Brother died!!!!
« on: March 28, 2008, 11:32:16 AM »
I am so sorry for your loss. I know your grief and what it can do to you. It feels like you are sinking and will never get out. Be strong for your family, but also be aware of your own grief and your own feelings. In my opinion, the worst thing you can do to yourself is to try and be so strong, that you cover your own hurt. Let it out, express it and do not worry what people will think. It will become tolerable, even if sometimes its hard to see it. You will never forget the pain, nor will you "get over it". You just learn how to live your life with it and not around it. Again, I am very sorry and sympathetic/empathetic for your loss. Come here often. It really is a great support group.

Main / Re: antidepressants
« on: March 16, 2008, 03:37:03 PM »
I take a different approach. I refuse to get on numbing medication. I want to feel the pain. I NEED to feel it. It is what makes us human. I have found that when I am having a horrible day, or even a horrible week, instead of having a doctor tell me what I need that I usually heal myself with time and some serious thought. I am not saying that its wrong to take prescriptions for your grief, I'm just sharing my own thoughts on it.

Main / Gone a while
« on: March 13, 2008, 07:12:19 PM »
It has been some time since I have grieved in any way over the loss of my brother or my ex-g/f. Both of them were loved very deeply by me and I have filled in the void with work and other things. I was rearranging my bedroom and came across pictures of them both that spurred me to come back here. I just want to again say thank you so much for being here. I cannot begin to say how much this site has kept me sane and feeling normal through an abnormal situation. I have not had close contact with any of you, nor do I know any of you on a close, personal level. I feel like in some ways I do though and wish I would strike it rich and take everyone here on a cruise. Anyway, God bless you all and take care of yourselves.

Sibling Loss / Re: Will I ever recover from this tragedy?
« on: February 07, 2008, 12:06:10 AM »
I am so sorry Gab to hear of your loss. Your subject line asks if you will ever recover. My opinion is no. You do not ever fully recover. You learn to adjust your life around what happened I think. To fully recover would be to fully forget, and none of us with any heart could ever do that. Do not despair though. It has been close to 2 years since I lost my little brother and close to 5 months since I lost my soulmate if you will. I have not recovered, but I am finding healing in trying to help others. It is so easy to take life for granted and my goal is to show that to people without being overbearing or turning it into a crusade. It is just one of many things I can do to help me alleviate my own pain. You will find your own answers in time if you are honest with yourself and you let your grief come out. I ray you and your family find the peace you need to continue on in life.

Sibling Loss / Re: My Beautiful Baby Sister
« on: November 05, 2007, 03:51:38 AM »
I am so sorry for your loss. Tragedies like that are hard to deal with. The unexpected close deaths are the most traumatic in a lot of ways. I almost feel guilty telling someone else how to cope,seeing as I haven't coped well with my losses recently, but what I can do is say you are not alone and everyone here has sympathy and empathy towards your loss. I will try to pray for you tonight and ask for your pain to be buffered a bit. That heart-wrenching pain is overwhelming and folks who have not experienced it before have no idea what that choking grief can do to a person. Hang in there. I can't tell you that it gets better, just that you must keep going.

Sibling Loss / Re: Almost a year
« on: November 02, 2007, 05:43:38 PM »
Lonnie ,you always seem to say the right things without enabling people. You don't know how many times I have just read through posts and smile at your understanding of peoples emotions. Thanks for being there and thanks to everyone here. I am so glad I found this place.

Sibling Loss / Re: Almost a year
« on: October 28, 2007, 10:24:49 PM »
Well it has been a month since my most recent death and I have been told to pretty much get over it by my roommate and my dad. I suppose if you have more than just one person tell you that, it is time to move on. Seems to soon to "get over it", but I work for my dad and he is tired of me not giving it my all at work. I do not wish to be enabled here, but I am curious on any of your thoughts on this matter. The girl who died was my recent ex-girlfriend, but also my best friend and my soulmate. So why should I have to get over it so soon and how the heck does one go about getting voer something that soon?

Sibling Loss / Re: Almost a year
« on: October 07, 2007, 02:01:24 PM »
The last 3 days have been odd. I havent been sad or shed a tear once. Whats that mean? Its like my grief vanished. That makes me worried that my mind is sheltering me from the pain of it all. I hope its normal. Anyone else have this happen to them within a week and half after losing someone very close?

Sibling Loss / Re: Almost a year
« on: October 01, 2007, 11:02:32 PM »
Thursday morning, my girlfriend was found at a friends house dead from an overdose of drugs. Her and I were split up for a bit and she got back into drugs in the month she was gone. My brother last year and now this. My mind is reeling. I do not know what to do and noone I know realizes how close to insanity I feel right now and I dont know what to do. I was just healing from last year, what in the world am I going to do?

Sibling Loss / Re: Lost My Sister the pain is awful
« on: July 09, 2007, 03:53:53 PM »
Know that everyone truly means what they say when their heart goes out to you. Mine does. Lost my little brother last year and some days are devastating while others are peaceful. The pain doesnt seem to go away, but as time goes by you know the pain and learn to confront it I think. Blessings and prayers to you and your family.

Sibling Loss / Re: Almost a year
« on: July 09, 2007, 03:51:25 PM »
Bad day for me, but you know, when I say bad, thats not really true. I'm weepy and my voice gets choked up, but today it is more of a cleansing feeling. I work 2 16 hour shifts at a nursing home as a nursing assistant and this weekend was hell. I think looking at my brothers pictures cleansed my stress and allowed me to release bad emotions bottled up from my job.  Just writing down my feelings is all. I hope everyone is having a good week and Ill be thinking about all of you here.

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