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Messages - lainie

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31
Child Loss / Re: Kelli's Birthday
« on: October 31, 2007, 01:24:10 AM »
I know, Jen - Brynn turns 13 on Dec. 14th as well.
Hope they are together.
Love Elaine

32
Child Loss / Re: The Miracle Of Maggie May. Happy Birthday Baby
« on: October 31, 2007, 01:22:49 AM »
I am also sorry for your loss.
This is a good place to come to,
Elaine  (Brynnie's mom)

33
Child Loss / Re: Landon's Birthday
« on: October 31, 2007, 01:21:39 AM »
Oh, I am so sorry that I missed writing here on Landon's birthday.  Hoping you had a semi - peaceful day,
Love Elaine

34
Child Loss / Re: Overwhelming feeling
« on: October 31, 2007, 01:20:29 AM »
I am so sorry Mary, I don't actually know what else to say.  We are all here for you.
Thinking of you tonight,  Elaine

35
Child Loss / Re: What do you say?
« on: October 31, 2007, 01:18:16 AM »
I only had one child, and she is gone now.  So, I just say, "I had a beautiful daughter, but she is in heaven now."
Elaine

36
Child Loss / Re: VENTING
« on: October 31, 2007, 01:16:13 AM »
Hi,
It will be 10 months for me this week since I lost my sweet Brynn. I truly know how you feel.  We are all here for you.
Elaine

37
Child Loss / Re: This is the best site
« on: October 31, 2007, 01:14:21 AM »
Judy - Marc's mum,
So sorry, but just to let you know that you have found the most wonderful people you will ever find!
And other Judy - I live in Canada but we don't all spell mom - mum!
Anyway, sorry you had to find us, but glad you did, if that makes any sense.
My daughter Brynn was hit by a truck and killed instantly right outside my home.  She had just turned 12.
My prayers are with you,
Elaine, aka Lainie (Brynn's mom)

38
Child Loss / Re: Life Without You...
« on: October 31, 2007, 01:09:15 AM »
I'm sorry Lisa.
Elaine

39
Child Loss / Re: the birthday party
« on: October 31, 2007, 01:08:13 AM »
That's nice, I know in a bittersweet way, right?
Anyway thank you for sharing this, hope things are going okay for you and your family.
Elaine

40
Child Loss / Re: Jeanie's Angel Date is Oct. 30
« on: October 31, 2007, 01:06:08 AM »
Hoping that you have a peaceful day.  Thinking of you and Jeanie,
Elaine

41
Child Loss / Re: Laine, Brynns's Mom Needs Us ... Now
« on: October 31, 2007, 12:56:41 AM »
Hi,
I have read every letter here, and I don't know how to thank you all.  I just couldn't really come here any sooner than this.  I tried to forget that I am a grieving parent, but I can't, that will live with me forever.
But, honestly, I have read each and every word, and I think you should all just move in with me here in this beautiful province of B.C. !  I have the mountains on one side and the ocean on the other - all I need is you all!
Even though life seems like crap most of the time, I know I have you guys, and you are all so great, really!
Thank you, and I'm sorry that I did not come back here sooner.  I just couldn't at the time.
Reading all your well wishes and stories makes me realize , again, of course, that I am not alone in this grief.  Let's just all move in together somewhere in a great big dormitory type place, then we can all help and lean on each other!
Kidding aside - I am so glad that I have found you all, and in another way, sorry that I did.  You know what that means.
Update - I had a jewelry party on Thurs. eve. (jewelry that I made) and raised $375. towards Brynn's 2008 Bursary Fund.  So, I already did the 2007 award, now I have made my 2008 goal  (I try to give $1500. per year) so now I am already working towards 2009.  Sorry, I know - long run-on sentence).  My parents are journalists, they would be horrified if they see the way I write here!
Other thing is , I had Brynn cremated but now I wish I had a headstone somewhere.  Anyone know how much and how to go about that?  That will probably have to be my next fundraiser.  Anyway curious if anyone has any input into that.
My dad's colon cancer surgery is Nov. 1st and he could be in for 10 - 12 days, so of course we are praying that goes well.
I also have some realy cool art cards by Brynnie on her store website which is http://www.brynnalex.com - and the cool thing is that when I started that shop, artists and artisands from all over the world (really!) have started to donate their wares to Brynnie's bursary fund, which is very cool.
So, now all over the world I have new friends who are always emailing me with donations, or telling me that they bought one of Brynns cards and framed it and it is in their home or office.
To date , Brynn's cards have gone to Singapore, Australia,England, about 20 states and about 6 provinces.  She would think that "rocked"!
But, thank you all, for always being here for me, and my apologies that I didn't get back to you all sooner than this.
Get in touch with me, if any of you want to get your child's artwork made into notecards, for whatever reason - I'm learning the ropes!
So, well I'm on this writing jag - I may as well tell you all, that for 4 years in the late 80's and early 90's I owned my own lingerie and swimwear boutique.  Had a blast with it, too.
Brynn always wished she was part of that, so November last year I opened another store, this time ladies clothing and accessories - and Brynnie loved it - she was so proud to say she co-owned a retail store.  So I was trying to gradually get less hours at my "real" job (selling drugs - I was a pharmacy
technician) so that "we" could be in the fashion business together.  Anyway we opened in Nov. , I had someone work Mon. to Fri., then Brynn and I ran it Sat., Sun., but unfortunately she passed away January 2nd, 2007, so I gave away the lease and was moved out of there by February 2007.  We had finally got to where we wanted to be, doing what we both loved and it's all gone.
Anyway, my purpose to this, is just to fill you all in on the "mysterious Lainie".
Also, of course Brynn wanted to be a fashion designer, and had been sewing and re-making clothes for a few years.  She also was making jewelry and selling it on consignment in a few stores.  We also crafted, sewed and made things and always were in the Christmas craft fairs together.  It doesn't seem the same doing any of these fairs without her, but now, I sell for her fund.
Sorry to be so long, but now you know a little bit more about us.
Thank you again for all your well wishes and prayers.
Elaine,  Brynnie's mom  (or you can also call me Lainie)

42
Child Loss / Re: Myths on the death of a child-This says it ALL!!!
« on: October 19, 2007, 03:19:58 AM »
I'm sorry, I didn't even post this in the right place!
Please forgive me,
Elaine

43
Child Loss / Re: Myths on the death of a child-This says it ALL!!!
« on: October 19, 2007, 03:18:01 AM »
I just have to say, and I am angry so... I have no other children and no husband, and very ill elderly parents.  Where do I go, who do I turn to? My counsellor was great but I can't afford her.  I was a single mom for 11 of Brynn's short 12 years.  I didn't build up any money in the bank.  We lived day to day.  I did the best I could.  Obviously, it wasn't good enough.
If I had been better, she would still be alive. 
I have been to the doctor, to the counsellor, to the grief groups.
But you know, it all comes down to... me.
I am alone in this world and I am upset about it.
My 78 year old dad goes in for colon cancer surgery on Oct. 31.
My health is suffering.  I can't sleep.  I am probably going to lose my job and end up on the street.
I haven't posted in a while 'cause I have nothing positive to say.
I am so tired of battling the world alone.
Sorry, but letting me rant in words here is helpful.
Is this what I am reduced to... a sick, tired woman.
I have tried to do positve in her name, I call it "Brynnspiration" , I mean I have the Bursary fund, the e-shop in her name.  But, still, we are divided by space and time and I am so so sad about that.
I do keep trying, but I feel so alone.
I know that you are the peple that will understand.
I think I was the best mom that I could be, but it obviously isn't good enough or I would still be her mom.
Brynn used to make jewelry and sell it in stores, so I am trying to do that for her, and it is selling, but it's just not the same as seeing her smiling face, and touching her hair.  I'm so afraid that I'm going to forget the sound of her voice and forget her likes and dislikes.
My health is suffering, I can't sleep, I miss my little girl more than anything.
I guess I'm just really sick and tired.  I wish that my dad had not got sick, because now I have to try to " be there" for him.
I always tell my parents, you have other kids and other grandkids, but I lost my whole family when I lost Brynn.
I just can't forget watching her die right in front of me, and I was helpless.
What a complete loser of a mom.  And I hate it when people talk about angels coming to help them, because if anyone needed an angel, it was her.
I know that I am ranting, and I'm sorry, but I am just about to just give up.
Elaine (Lainie)  Brynn's mom

44
Child Loss / Thanksgiving
« on: October 06, 2007, 05:29:37 PM »
It's Canadian Thankgiving this weekend.  Monday is the holiday.  It's a terrible empty feeling, having the first one without my Brynnie.  I just can't turn off the tears today.  I thought I was doing pretty well for the last few weeks, but now I have crashed.
I hate holidays, now.
Elaine  Brynnie's mom

45
Child Loss / Re: October 2,2004
« on: October 04, 2007, 11:32:12 PM »
Oh Kathy,
I'm late , but just want you to know that I am thinking of you.
-Elaine (Brynn's mom)

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