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Messages - laurasmom

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16
Child Loss / Re: Your child's cell phone
« on: September 08, 2007, 06:27:44 PM »
I gave Laura a cell phone for graduation, and she was killed 8 days later.  Her phone was destroyed when she was hit, but we kept the number active and her dad took it over.  Because we never canceled it, we still have her message on it.  Her dad will not delete it, although he has had many comments made to him, mostly by his family, about Laura's voice still being there.  But our other children and her friends like to call even now and still hear her voice.
Lois

17
QUESTIONS:
1.   What is your name and the name of your son or daughter?
Lois, my daughter is Laura
2.   How long has it been since s/he died?
4 years, 1 month and 24 days
3.   Since s/he died, has your weight changed significantly, one way or another?
Initially I lost 18 lbs, but after about 6 months I went on antidepressants and I gained 32 lbs in 7 weeks.  Currently I am around 40 lbs over what I was when she was killed.
4.   Since s/he died, have your smoking habits changed significantly, one way or another?
Never smoked
5.   Since s/he died, have your use of alcohol or drugs or medicines changed significantly, one way or another?
I seldom drink, but I take 5 prescription drugs when before I did not take any.

6.   Since s/he died, has your activity level changed?
Yes, I used to exercise regulary, did circuit 3-4 times a week, and I did for about 9 months after she was killed, but it became another thing I "had" to do, and I was just too tired to keep it up.
7.   Since s/he died, have you gone to the doctor more or less than you did before?
Yes, I hardly ever saw a Dr., now I have to go every 3 months.
8.   Since s/he died, have you developed health issues you did not have before, or have previous health issues gotten significantly worse?
Since she died, I have developed high blood pressure, reflux, insulin resistance,  depression and insomnia
9.   How would you describe your health overall, compared to what it was before your son or daughter died?
Before I would have said my health was excellant, now it is maybe a little better than fair.
10.   Are you comfortable with your health as it is? No, and especially not with my weight
11.   If you need to change your habits so that your health will get better, what do you need to do to get started on the right path?  I don't know, I make promises to myself that I never keep.
12.   Is there anything we can do here to help you improve your health? Not that I know of, but thank you for caring

18
Child Loss / Re: Responding to insensitive remarks...THis is SO TRUE!
« on: July 31, 2007, 06:05:20 PM »
I have heard many of these.  I think people say these things because it is uncomfortable for them.  Another one I hear a lot is "I don't know how you do it, I don't think I could",
Well guess what- I don't know how I do it either, and I never thought I could,  and I'm not even sure I am doing it, since I don't know what it is I'm doing.  Does that make sense?
Lois ???

19
Child Loss / Re: AFTER SOME TIME - IT IS STILL OKAY TO CRY
« on: July 27, 2007, 06:09:55 PM »
it has been 4 years, one month and 20 days since Laura was killed, and although I don't cry every day like I used to, I still cry.  Of course, antidepressants help too!  I cannot imagine that the time will come that I don't ever cry about her death.

20
Child Loss / Re: This weeks Question: How many children do you have?
« on: July 27, 2007, 06:06:27 PM »
1. I have 4 children, a daughter 33, a daughter 32, a son 28 and a daughter forever 17. I usually just say 4 children, 3 daughters and a son, but if asked how old they are, I tell them.

2.  My children always include their sister.

3. My parents always included her in their count of grandchildren.  My husband's father died 12 years ago and his mother has Alzheimer's, she doesn't even know how many children she has herself, or their names.

4.  My mother died exactly one month ago today, and in her obituary, her surviving grandchildren were included as a number, but Laura was mentioned by name as preceding my mom in death.  It did not bother me, as I  welcome every opportunity to have her remembered.

Bonnie, I usually refer to Laura as being killed, since she was, and sometimes I say dead.  Using pretty words does not appeal to me, as it is a harsh reality that I face every day, and using pretty words such as passed away or crossed over are meant to soften the reality for others and the reality is what it is, and if that makes other people uncomfortable, tough!


21
Child Loss / Re: June Birthday and Angel Dates
« on: June 02, 2007, 06:30:12 PM »
Thank you, John.  Laura's Angel date is June 7, this Thursday.  It will be 4 years.  I am really having a difficult time already.  I miss her so much.
Kim, my thoughts are with you also.  Laura was killed a few weeks before her 18th birthday.  She too, was very excited about being 18.  She talked how we would both reach milestones in July, she would be 18, and I would be 50.  My 50th birthday was the one month anniversary of her death.  Last year she would have been 21, and that birthday seemed more difficult to me than her 19th and 20th.  But then again, this year seemed more difficult at times too.  I don't know, I'm told it gets easier, but I haven't seen it yet.

22
Child Loss / Re: Stealing From The Cemetery
« on: May 28, 2007, 04:51:20 PM »
We had Laura buried in the same cemetary as my grandparents, which is a beautiful cemetary, although it is on the outskirts of the city (Baltimore).  Soon afterward we started having problems with things being stolen from her grave.  Now they have started closing the cemetary gates early, not only because of the stealing, but because prostitutes were bringing thier johns in there after dark.  It has improved things a lot, but I still am wondering if I should move her to where my dad is, even tough it's nowhere near as pretty a cemetary as the one where she is.  Some people just have no respect for anything anymore.
Lois

23
Child Loss / Re: How do we do it?
« on: May 28, 2007, 04:29:21 PM »
I don't know how I do it, or how any of us do it.  It will be 4 years une 4th, and it has not gotten any easier.  I guess it's just that none of us have any choice.  But I do know I am ready tp die anytime. I don't worry about when it will happen, because it can happen anytime.
LOIS

24
Child Loss / Re: What is "Normal"?
« on: May 28, 2007, 04:21:50 PM »
How true all of those words are.
Lois

25
Child Loss / Re: Feelings
« on: May 01, 2007, 06:33:17 PM »
I have pictures of Laura all around too, and sometimes I cry, but mostly I smile when I look at them because she was always smiling and happy.  Sometimes I look at pictures though and think, "When this picture was taken she only had (X) months to live."  That hurts.  But one thing I still cannot do is look at videos of her.  I still have not seen her graduation video, which was 8 days before she was killed.  My husband watched it and said she is shown about 7-8 times, and in the end of it you can see her and two of her friends running to each other and laughing and hugging.  That was my Laura.  The videos are still to much for me to see her moving and laughing and knowing that is gone forever.

26
Initially after Laura was killed I was still in shock, trying to get everything settled, help my son who was injured, getting the funeral plans in place...and going to the funeral home and seeing my beautiful , once life-filled daughter lying in a coffin.  In the beginning, I just could not bear everyone coming up to me and crying and hugging me...so my Dr. gave me an anti-anxiety med..Ativan..which I took before we went to the funeral home and before the funeral.  It helped me get through those days.  After that I got through each day somehow, but about 6 months later, after my son was finally getting better, I found that I just didn't want to wake up anymore, I just wanted to sleep.  If I was asleep, I didn't think about Laura, and I didn't have to hurt anymore.  I had to work, but I would come home from work and go to bed,after going to the cemetary.  I would go to bed Friday night and not get back up, except to use the bathroom, until Sunday afternoon, when I would go to the cemetary and put fresh flowers on Laura's grave.  Then after coming home I would go back to bed until I had to go to work on Monday.  I still had some Ativan left, but I wasn't taking it at that time, instead Iwould sit on the bed and hold the bottle and wonder if I took them all if it would be enough for me to go to sleep and not wake up.  I finally told my dr about it and she became very alarmed, and wanted me to try an antidepressant along with counseling.  Five antipressants later, we found one that helped, Cymbalta, which I am still taking.  I went to counseling for 10 months, and finally stopped because I felt it wasn't doing anything.  I can't call it a "happy" pill, because it doesn't make me feel happy, it just seems to keep me level.   A few months ago my dr tried to wean me off of it, but I started having crying spells.  Nothing would trigger it, I would just be sitting, watching tv, reading, driving, when suddenly I would just begin to cry.  So she said I am not ready yet to not take it, so I still am.  Perhaps others think me weak because I am not "toughing" it out, but I can't cry all the time.  My in-laws think it is time my husband and I should be "getting over it by now-nearly 4 years"....yeah, right.  My husband just shrugs when they say it, and later tells me to just ignore them because they are a**holes.  He's right.  So I hope one day to not have to take it, but I will for as long as I need to.

27
Child Loss / Re: Post Traumatic Stess
« on: April 23, 2007, 10:37:17 AM »
Hi Marianne,
I don't know if that is considered post-traumatic stress or just a trigger-"just a trigger"  sorry to make it sound simple, it isn't.  It has been nearly 4 years since Laura was killed, and there are still many things that trigger it for me...and sometimes what will trigger it one day, won't another...crazy...but so is losing a child to death.  I know that my son was diagnosed with PTSD, and he did only two things-cried or slept.  He was unable to work, barely ate...this lasted for nearly 3 months.  He had been driving the car when they were hit and his sister was killed, he went to Shock Trauma.  After he recovered physically, he seemed to be doing fairly well, although it took a couple of weeks before he would sleep alone, he wanted me to be in the room with him, and he was petrified the first few times he drove again (the collision was not his fault). He was 24 at the time. Laura was killed June 7, 2003, and her 18th birthday was July 30th.  On her birthday we went to the collsion site and placed a cross...the next day my son went to work, and I got a call a few hours later that he was in the emergency room with chest pain, he had been taken from work by ambulance.  He was determined to be ok, and went back to work, only to be sent home again because he started crying at his desk and couldn't stop.  This happened a couple of more times, and I took him to our family physician who diagnosed him with PTSD and survivor guilt.  He was off work for 2 months on disability, his work was VERY understanding, and finally he was able to begin to try to live as normal a life as he could.  But it was a very rough time.  Anyway, that was my experience with PTSD.

28
Child Loss / Re: My reading with George Anderson
« on: April 19, 2007, 08:32:54 PM »
Dottie,
I am so happy it went well for you!  I'm sure it was very emotional, and very draining, but what wonderful confirmation for you!  I have been watching for your post!
Lois

29
Child Loss / Re: I can't stop crying
« on: April 16, 2007, 04:53:55 PM »
I know, I have sick to my stomach since I heard the news.  It just brings our own pain back in an instant, and knowing what those poor parents are going through, my heart breaks.  No one's child is safe anywhere it seems.

30
Child Loss / Re: I met John and Bernice today!
« on: April 16, 2007, 10:21:12 AM »
Hi Maureen,
I am hoping to be in Phoenix sometime next month.  I had hoped to go this month, my grandson's birthday was Saturday, he just turned 2, but I had outpatient surgery last week, and was unable to go.  I will let you know when I am going to be there.
Lois

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