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Messages - MyLou

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751
Main / I still can't accept the loss of Lou
« on: April 06, 2011, 05:00:53 PM »
Hi Everyone,

It's been 4 mths and 2 weeks since Lou passed. 

I still can't accept this but guess I have no other choice.

Today is my birthday and not getting that phone call I so wanted from Lou has been hard.  I been looking at my phone in hopes he would call but I knew it wasn't going to happen.  All my friends called but that one call that I wanted so much from My Lou didn't happen.   

The tears just won't stop this really is so hard. I miss him so much my heart is in a million pieces still and I don't feel like it will every mend. 

Now I have to get through Lou's birthday which is tomorrow April 7th, knowing I can't make that call to tell him Happy Birthday Honey, I love you !!!

Instead tomorrow I get to go the cemetery which I never thought I would have to do.  I bought some ballons to let go and leave there and a sign that says "Happy Birthday" , that I can leave in the ground. 

Oh gosh this is the worst nightmare and I wish someone could wake me up and Lou be here but that's impossible. Right?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOU , I MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND BEING.


Thank you for listening


Lisa


752
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Thank you , Sarah, Brwneyegrl, Terry
« on: March 24, 2011, 06:31:17 PM »
Hi Brwneyegirl,

I'm sorry I just noticed that you left me a message. That was so sweet of you to check on me.  Please know I wasn't ignoring you I just happened to click in my post.  I seen that you wrote this weeks ago. 

I posted on the Main Board.  Tuesday was 4 months.  It's so hard everyday I don't know how to get through this .  I know it takes time and all I want is Lou back my old life back.  I'm sure we all feel this it's just not fair. 

This is what I had wrote on the Main Board when it was 3 1/2 months. 

Thank you again.......

(((((((((((((((((((((((((( Brwyeyegrl)))))))))))))))))))))

****************************************************************

Hi,

It's been 3 1/2 months since I lost my fiancee' Lou. I cry all the time and some times I just sob and it feels like I can't get control.

I miss him every second, minute , hour of everyday. 

I still feel so alone in this big world.  I wonder why God thinks I can handle the loss of Lou.  I am not strong enough.  Everyday when I wake up I hope my nightmare goes away and he's back. 

I look all around hoping to see him.  I know this sounds silly but I said to my friend I just want to drive to Heaven and tell God I need Lou back. That you had him long enough. 

I really truly don't ever see getting through this. I know it's still raw but the pain in my heart hurts so bad and I feel so emptied.

Our birthdays are approching in April.  My birthday is April 6th and Lou's is the 7th.  We always celebrated our birthday's together.  It was important to both of us.  I always bought us a cake and would tell Lou you are never to old for a birthday cake.  For Lou's birthday I am going to the cemetery.  Never thought I would be spending his birthday there.  I am going to get ballons and a small cake or cup cakes. 

Thank you for listening ......


753
Main / Re: My tears keep flowing .......................
« on: March 20, 2011, 09:23:29 AM »



Hi Lana,

Thank you for posting again.  To tell you the truth I wasn't sure how to take your first post.  I am glad you came back to explain.  I didn't think that you meant any of your words in a bad way but wasn't sure how to take it.


My heart goes out to you for the loss of your son.  I can't even imagine.


Yes, I have some people very surprise that I haven't gotten through the loss of Lou. I tell them until they are in my shoes they will not know how I feel even if it was for 5 seconds.   I cry all time and don't do much because I am still grieving.  You can't put a time on your grieving.

I get many signs from Lou and I write them in my journal.  I only had one dream of Lou and we were getting married. It was weird because I knew he was there but couldn't see his face.  I woke up in the middle of the night and his picture was showing on my cell.  The only way his picture would show if I were to slide my phone up.  So I know that these were more signs from My Lou. 


Thank you again for the kind words and I am wish you the best and happiness.



((((((((((((( Lana ))))))))))))))


Hello again,

Your words go straight to the heart as that is certainly where they came from. No loss is the same for everyone. In my first posting, I should have started with how sorry I am for your loss of Lou. You obviously shared a loving beautiful relationship. My son, Brian's father and I were divorced when he past. I grieved of course but the most difficult part of that was having to tell my daughter that now she has lost her father in addition to her brother - her best friend. I lost an ex-boyfirend - never married  but my longest relationship - not the same as loosing some one you love so and expect to spend the rest of your life with since our relationship had ended. Lucky to still have been friends. I have not experienced what you have. I can only imagine the pain and it saddens me so for you as well as all that have gone through and are going through that. Going off track here and I hope you don't mind and I hope I dont affend anyone. When I first came to this site in 1996 it was much different. There was no separation of postings, just one site for all. Everyones grief is so raw. What people must remember is for all of us that have lost loved ones, we all have at least one that for us is the worst. I had lost loved ones before and since but nothing compared to my son. You aren't supposed to out live your children. Back to the point - since everyone was posting about different losses, some would get offended by those that compare their losses to others. I hope you know I wasn't trying to do that. One post that I will never forget is a person who responded to anothers post. In this particular post it was a response to someone whose mother had just passed. The responder said " I know how you feel, my cat just died and I am devestated." Oh my gosh, talk aout a ton of responses and it wasn't pretty. But this person had apparently never experienced anything worse in her heart. So many people were offended and posted it very sternly.  Personally I was offended as well, as much as I have loved all of our pets I would never compare it to the loss of a person. I'm rambling a little here - my minds going in a lot of different directions. I'll close that part by just saying I think Tom has done a really good thing by separating losses into the type of losses you have experienced. That way everyone is close to being on the same page and therefore less chance of conflict.      My posting to you was the first I've done in many years. I didn't know if I'd post at all being away from the site for so long but your heading touched my heart and I wanted to help. I know of course that only time will help. I dislike when people say you will get over it or find closure. What I believe is more accurate is that you will learn how to live with it. I wish you good dreams about Lou, I still find compfort in dreams especially when I get a hug from my son. I wish for you happiness in your future even though it may not seem yet like you can have that... I pray you do. Take care!
[/quote]

754
Main / Re: My tears keep flowing .......................
« on: March 20, 2011, 08:48:55 AM »

Her Big Sister.

I want to say I am sorry for your loss. 

Thank you for your kind words it means a lot to me :)

Yes, I can't until I get the tree planted for Lou. 

Take care too !!!

((((((((((((((((( Her Big Sister )))))))))))))))))))))



MyLou

I am so sorry for your loss

I think planting a tree in his memory is a great way to honour his memory - and I hope helped you at the same time. 

Everyone deals with loss differently - and what may be right for some, might not be for another.  You please take care of you.

We will always miss our loved ones terribly - I truly hope that each day becomes easier to put one foot in front of the other and to be kind to you.   

((hugs))
[/quote]

755
Main / Re: My tears keep flowing .......................
« on: March 18, 2011, 03:27:11 PM »
Lana,

I want to start off by saying I am so sorry to hear the loss of your son and his father.  Also, the recent loss of your friend. 

I hope your brother is better .....

I have lost family and friends too. I took them hard but the loss of Lou is different. The love we have is all different for a child, spouse, mom, father, friend. aunt , etc

I don't doubt that a lot of people feel or have felt like me that we aren't strong enough. I know each and everyone of us has a journey.  What the journey is I have no idea. I thought Lou was going on my journey with me.

I cry all the time for Lou.  I know it's part of the grieving and it will take time.  I am sure at one point I can help someone like all of us here and I will when I get there.

Right now I am looking to have a tree planted in Lou's memory.  He loved being outside !!

The love that I have for Lou will always be strong and in my heart forever.


Wishing you the best too !!! 






756
Main / Re: My tears keep flowing .......................
« on: March 12, 2011, 05:42:02 AM »
Terry &  Browneyedgirl,

Thank you for listening the kind words and of course the hugs.  I did feel them because you care :)

Even though I don't feel "strong enough" to get through the loss of Lou.  I believe both of you because you've both went through this kind of loss and pain. 

Sending my love and hugs
 (((((((((((((((( TERRY )))))))))))))))) & (((((((((((((((( Browneyedgirl ))))))))))))))


757
Main / My tears keep flowing .......................
« on: March 10, 2011, 05:12:05 PM »
Hi,

It's been 3 1/2 months since I lost my fiancee' Lou. I cry all the time and some times I just sob and it feels like I can't get control.

I miss him every second, minute , hour of everyday. 

I still feel so alone in this big world.  I wonder why God thinks I can handle the loss of Lou.  I am not strong enough.  Everyday when I wake up I hope my nightmare goes away and he's back. 

I look all around hoping to see him.  I know this sounds silly but I said to my friend I just want to drive to Heaven and tell God I need Lou back. That you had him long enough. 

I really truly don't ever see getting through this. I know it's still raw but the pain in my heart hurts so bad and I feel so emptied.

Our birthdays are approching in April.  My birthday is April 6th and Lou's is the 7th.  We always celebrated our birthday's together.  It was important to both of us.  I always bought us a cake and would tell Lou you are never to old for a birthday cake.  For Lou's birthday I am going to the cemetery.  Never thought I would be spending his birthday there.  I am going to get ballons and a small cake or cup cakes. 

Thank you for listening ......

Lisa

758
Main / Re: I am so loss without Lou
« on: February 03, 2011, 04:26:21 PM »
Seven,

Thank you for your kind words. 

I keep thinking someone needs to wake me up from this nightmare.  I cry all the time sometimes for hours at a time.

I am lucky I get out of bed in the morning to go to work.  If I didn't have bills to pay I probably wouldn't go out. 

When I come home from work I eat a little something.  Maybe watch TV for a bit and then go lay down.  I wake up a lot through the night.  Then I have to face another day knowing that Lou isn't here.

I miss Lou so much ...

Take care,

Lisa

 

759
Main / I am so loss without Lou
« on: January 29, 2011, 05:12:47 AM »
 Hi Everyone,

I am new on the board.  My name is Lisa.  I loss my fiance' November 22nd from a heart attack. We were together for 3 1/2 years. 

I know everyone griefs differently.  I bargined with God , got mad, blamed myself and I'm always crying. I feel so lost and so emptied inside.

There is this big world and I feel so alone.  I talk to Lou and cry to him all the time.  I have gotten signs from him. I just want him back so we can get married like we planned. I know that is impossible my heart is in a million pieces.

My friends are great but I don't think they get it  They tell me to get back to the gym and I just can't. They want to me to keep busy but my mind is always thinking of Lou and tears just don't stop.   I still don't eat much but I try.

I have read a few books by George Anderson one is Call We Don't Die, it gives me hope but still hurts.

I just needed to find people that are going through the same thing and know how I feel.

Thank you,

Lisa


760
Spouse, Partner Loss / Thank you , Sarah, Brwneyegrl, Terry
« on: January 29, 2011, 04:45:57 AM »
First I want to say I am sorry to hear of evryone's losses.

Thank you for welcoming me and your kindess.

I think all the time if I can rewind to that morning.

Lou and I didn't live together we live 1 1/2 hrs away.  He was taking me back home to Phlly.  I seen him hold his left arm and reaching for his tums.  I said what is wrong he said I have really bad indigestion which he always had but seem like it was getting worse lately.  I seen him wipe his head and upper lip.  I said are you sweating he said yes. I said honey I think they might be signs of a heart attack.  He said no it will go away.  So we didn't talk for a few minutes and he said he was fine. 

He dropped me off and I spoke to him a few times on the way home.  He said he was OK.  Then about 6:25 am I called he said he stopped at the store a picked up a few things and more tums.  I said you had 5 packs in your work bag.  He laughed and said just in case. 

It was a little after 8 I received a phone call from his boss right away I said what happened to Lou.  He said he was in critical conditon but he was breathing and I needed to get to the hospital.  In the mean time his sister in law and told me to call her.  I called his brother answered I said where are you at and how is Lou.  He said he didn't make it. 

I wished I had said let's go to the hosptial but he assured me he was OK.  I keep blaming myself and everyone says I can't do that. 

Lou was a caring and had a Heart of Gold. If you needed Lou's help he was there.

His children were his world they are from a previous marriage. He loved being outside and lived life.  He loved to cook , bbq outside when the weather was nice.  He had just bought a Harley last year.  He was so happy he got that bike. He tried to get me on it but I only went for a ride a few times. 

He was a gentleman pulled out my chair , held the door , open my car door.

He always wanted to do things for me.  He was my everything and will always be. 

Thank you for listening and your support.

Lisa

761
Main / Re: Where is everyone from?
« on: January 28, 2011, 11:12:34 PM »
Hi Everyone,

I am new I've posted on loss of a spouse.

I'm from Philly. 

Lisa

762
Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: I am so loss without Lou
« on: January 28, 2011, 05:02:03 PM »
First I want to say I am sorry to hear of evryone's losses.

Thank you for welcoming me and your kindess.

I think all the time if I can rewind to that morning.

Lou and I didn't live together we live 1 1/2 hrs away.  He was taking me back home to Phlly.  I seen him hold his left arm and reaching for his tums.  I said what is wrong he said I have really bad indigestion which he always had but seem like it was getting worse lately.  I seen him wipe his head and upper lip.  I said are you sweating he said yes. I said honey I think they might be signs of a heart attack.  He said no it will go away.  So we didn't talk for a few minutes and he said he was fine. 

He dropped me off and I spoke to him a few times on the way home.  He said he was OK.  Then about 6:25 am I called he said he stopped at the store a picked up a few things and more tums.  I said you had 5 packs in your work bag.  He laughed and said just in case. 

It was a little after 8 I received a phone call from his boss right away I said what happened to Lou.  He said he was in critical conditon but he was breathing and I needed to get to the hospital.  In the mean time his sister in law and told me to call her.  I called his brother answered I said where are you at and how is Lou.  He said he didn't make it. 

I wished I had said let's go to the hosptial but he assured me he was OK.  I keep blaming myself and everyone says I can't do that. 

Lou was a caring and had a Heart of Gold. If you needed Lou's help he was there.

His children were his world they are from a previous marriage. He loved being outside and lived life.  He loved to cook , bbq outside when the weather was nice.  He had just bought a Harley last year.  He was so happy he got that bike. He tried to get me on it but I only went for a ride a few times. 

He was a gentleman pulled out my chair , held the door , open my car door.

He always wanted to do things for me.  He was my everything and will always be. 

Thank you for listening.

Lisa

763
Spouse, Partner Loss / I am so loss without Lou
« on: January 26, 2011, 03:40:51 PM »
Loss my fiance' in November
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Hi Everyone,

I am new on the board.  My name is Lisa.  I loss my fiance' November 22nd from a heart attack. We were together for 3 1/2 years. 

I know everyone griefs differently.  I bargined with God , got mad, blamed myself and I'm always crying. I feel so lost and so emptied inside.

There is this big world and I feel so alone.  I talk to Lou and cry to him all the time.  I have gotten signs from him. I just want him back so we can get married like we planned. I know that is impossible my heart is in a million pieces.

My friends are great but I don't think they get it  They tell me to get back to the gym and I just can't.  I still don't eat much but I try.

I have read a few books by George Anderson one is Call We Don't Die, it gives me hope but still hurts.

I just needed to find people that are gpomg through the same thing and know how I feel.

Thank you,

Lisa


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